This has evidently been going around the Intarwebs at some speed, but I have not yet seen it cross my Friends list. This is a crime, as all lovers of fine literature should see this and rejoice. Gentlemen and ladies, I present to you:
Two Gentlemen of Lebowski Yes, that is the full script of The Big Lebowski, translated very well indeed into Shakespearean prose. What's this? A sample, you beg? Why, certainly!
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[The bowling green. Enter THE KNAVE, WALTER and DONALD, to play at ninepins]
WALTER
In sooth, then, faithful friend, this was a rug of value? Thou wouldst call it not a rug among ordinary rugs, but a rug of purpose? A star in a firmament, in step with the fashion alike to the Whitsun morris-dance? A worthy rug, a rug of consequence, sir?
THE KNAVE
It was of consequence, I should think; verily, it tied the room together, gather’d its qualities as the sweet lovers’ spring grass doth the morning dew or the rough scythe the first of autumn harvests. It sat between the four sides of the room, making substance of a square, respecting each wall in equal harmony, in geometer’s cap; a great reckoning in a little room. Verily, it transform’d the room from the space between four walls presented, to the harbour of a man’s monarchy.
WALTER
Indeed, a rug of value; an estimable rug, an honour’d rug; O unhappy rug, that should live to cover such days!