It could happen to Anyone.
Oh My.
Just read it through.
Alright well it all started out two weeks ago in Mexico. I drove there with my family because they wanted to get some Mexican food. It was kind of out of the way, but whatever, it was summer. So once we got there after the boring car ride, we booked a motel. When we got in there, it looked pretty bad. The walls were dirty, so was the toliet. It kind of smelt bad, there was a couple stains on the bed. So i decided to take a shower. I took a shower, but the water was clogging up. It wouldn't go down the drain. I was like "MAN SHIT WTF UP WITH THIS BBQ MOTHA FUCKA" So I get out of the shower, go to my dad's briefcase and get a wrench. Then I pry open the drain. I found 6 ounces of cocaine! It was pretty cool. I gave it to my cat which we took with us and some how it automatically transferred to me when I pet it. It was crazy. So me and my cat go for a walk, the cat in my arms. Then a policeman stops me!! He says "Excuse me, but what is wrong with your cat, its acting funny." It turns out he had been watching me since I came to Mexico! ...but the tape got messed up that he was recording when we got high off the cocaine for some reason. Well anyways, he took my cat and made it do all these goofy tests. I said "That's silly to make my cat do that! Oh Larry." and then he looked at me. Noticed that my hair was longer than his. He got mad and arrested me AND my cat. So me and my cat are chillin' in jail and I got bored so I decided to kill the security guard by throwing this knife I had hidden in my pocket at him. After he died I stole his keys because I killed him as he was walking by my cell. Then me and my cat used the keys to cut off the bars on the Jail cell and then we jumped out. The only thing is we didn't know it was 8 feet high! And the cocaine was wearing off so my cat started crying. I was tough though. Then the coolest thing happened. The Greatful Dead came down on flying horses and saved us! So me and the gang were chillin and they decdied to pull out a huge container of acid. Then they started dipping their balls in it. They were all like "TRUST ME DUDE, JUST HIT THIS COCK BRO. WHEN I SPLOOGE IN YOUR MOUTH, YOU WILL TRIP OF IT BECAUSE THEIR IS ACID IN MY SPERM, TRUST ME!" So I did it and now I was tripping on acid. I thought it felt cool so I told my cat to do it. She did it too and we then saw an airplane. But then the Greatful Dead said "DUDE IF YOU SEE ANY AIRPLANES, KICK THEIR ASS" so I got up and started beating it up but it turned out to be Jerry Garcia, so I stopped. We loled for awhile and then I decided I wanted it to wear off so I watched the Ring. So then I was sober but remembered I had heroin pills in my pocket. I kept it a secert, and was planning on doing them with just me and my cat later. So anyways the Greatful Dead were like "WANNA RECORD AN ALBUM REAL FAST?" and I was like "K." so we did. It was pretty cool. Anyways then I started walking home and I noticed my shoe was untied. So i bent over to tie it and as a Cop walked by me heroin dropped out of my pocket. He then started chasing me without even giving me a chance to tie my shoes. So I tripped and my cat kept running without me. I was like "SHIT, SHIT, WHAT DO I DO?" So then I saw a helicopter and was running for that but the cop stopped in front of me. I didn't know what to think of the situation so (without thinking) I took the heroin pills and stuck it in his mouth. He then goes "NOOO I DONT WANNA BE ADDICTED TO HEROIN" and he was wipping his tongue so I just mimiced him and did a crybaby face for awhile and then I walked home. Well I got back home and my parents found out the cat was high that day ( I guess she told them ) so I got in trouble. They made me apologize to the cat for harrasing it even though it had a fun time. So then we were driving back to America and when we got back I got a letter in the mail. I opened it up and it said I was inducted into the Rock Hall of Fame. I was like sweet. So the next day I go there and get inducted and shit. I go home and watch a rerun on T.V. and I wasn't on it! (thats why you didnt see me in the 2005 rock hall of fame) So I called up MTV i think and asked them and they said "for time purposes, we had to randomly take off one person and it turned out to be you." So i was bummed. But then I remembered I had a box of mushrooms under my bed. I was like "hell yeah." and opened it up. Then I ate two tops of them and ran outside. The Greatful dead were outside with baseball bats! They said that the cat told them I had heroin that I didn't share with them. So then they got on motorcycles and started chasing me but luckly my bike was right out front in my driveway. So they are chasing me down the road for awhile and then I remembered that I had some tacks in my pocket and so I threw some down and popped all their tires. It was sweet. Then I biked to my friend's house. She had some crystal meth. We did a line or two of that and were like "SWEET." Then she got horny and had sex with me. Then I popped and went home. I forgot that Ashlee Simpson was my girlfriend at the time though so I called her and confessed to her (without even crying). She got really sad but I said I would make it up to her by doing her as many times as she wants over the weekend. She immediatly got happy and that was solved. Then my parents cooked dinner so I sat down and ate that. Then I noticed my dads eye looked funny and asked him what was up. Then his face peeled off and he was a robot! Then I noticed that my soup was poisoned so I spit it out in his face! He tried killling me but I found a gun and destroyed that robot. It was really my mom though and then my dad came home and we told him the story. We laughed for awhile and then he and mom said they were tired and went to sleep. I later asked my cat what was up about it telling on me and shit. She apologized and said she was just really really high. So then I put on T.V. and we watched the rerun of American Idol on a secert channel that you get by ... well I can't tell you. It was a couple hours long and I ended up falling asleep at 4am because the acid kicked back in my body. So it was all good that day. Then the next day my girlfriend Ashlee Simpson came over and we fucked all day. She is pretty hot so I was having a very good time. That was fun. But then she said she might be pregnant! So we went to the doctors but THANK GOD found out that it was all in her head and that it wasn't true at all. Omg dude. what a close call that was.
Just read it through.
Alright well it all started out two weeks ago in Mexico. I drove there with my family because they wanted to get some Mexican food. It was kind of out of the way, but whatever, it was summer. So once we got there after the boring car ride, we booked a motel. When we got in there, it looked pretty bad. The walls were dirty, so was the toliet. It kind of smelt bad, there was a couple stains on the bed. So i decided to take a shower. I took a shower, but the water was clogging up. It wouldn't go down the drain. I was like "MAN SHIT WTF UP WITH THIS BBQ MOTHA FUCKA" So I get out of the shower, go to my dad's briefcase and get a wrench. Then I pry open the drain. I found 6 ounces of cocaine! It was pretty cool. I gave it to my cat which we took with us and some how it automatically transferred to me when I pet it. It was crazy. So me and my cat go for a walk, the cat in my arms. Then a policeman stops me!! He says "Excuse me, but what is wrong with your cat, its acting funny." It turns out he had been watching me since I came to Mexico! ...but the tape got messed up that he was recording when we got high off the cocaine for some reason. Well anyways, he took my cat and made it do all these goofy tests. I said "That's silly to make my cat do that! Oh Larry." and then he looked at me. Noticed that my hair was longer than his. He got mad and arrested me AND my cat. So me and my cat are chillin' in jail and I got bored so I decided to kill the security guard by throwing this knife I had hidden in my pocket at him. After he died I stole his keys because I killed him as he was walking by my cell. Then me and my cat used the keys to cut off the bars on the Jail cell and then we jumped out. The only thing is we didn't know it was 8 feet high! And the cocaine was wearing off so my cat started crying. I was tough though. Then the coolest thing happened. The Greatful Dead came down on flying horses and saved us! So me and the gang were chillin and they decdied to pull out a huge container of acid. Then they started dipping their balls in it. They were all like "TRUST ME DUDE, JUST HIT THIS COCK BRO. WHEN I SPLOOGE IN YOUR MOUTH, YOU WILL TRIP OF IT BECAUSE THEIR IS ACID IN MY SPERM, TRUST ME!" So I did it and now I was tripping on acid. I thought it felt cool so I told my cat to do it. She did it too and we then saw an airplane. But then the Greatful Dead said "DUDE IF YOU SEE ANY AIRPLANES, KICK THEIR ASS" so I got up and started beating it up but it turned out to be Jerry Garcia, so I stopped. We loled for awhile and then I decided I wanted it to wear off so I watched the Ring. So then I was sober but remembered I had heroin pills in my pocket. I kept it a secert, and was planning on doing them with just me and my cat later. So anyways the Greatful Dead were like "WANNA RECORD AN ALBUM REAL FAST?" and I was like "K." so we did. It was pretty cool. Anyways then I started walking home and I noticed my shoe was untied. So i bent over to tie it and as a Cop walked by me heroin dropped out of my pocket. He then started chasing me without even giving me a chance to tie my shoes. So I tripped and my cat kept running without me. I was like "SHIT, SHIT, WHAT DO I DO?" So then I saw a helicopter and was running for that but the cop stopped in front of me. I didn't know what to think of the situation so (without thinking) I took the heroin pills and stuck it in his mouth. He then goes "NOOO I DONT WANNA BE ADDICTED TO HEROIN" and he was wipping his tongue so I just mimiced him and did a crybaby face for awhile and then I walked home. Well I got back home and my parents found out the cat was high that day ( I guess she told them ) so I got in trouble. They made me apologize to the cat for harrasing it even though it had a fun time. So then we were driving back to America and when we got back I got a letter in the mail. I opened it up and it said I was inducted into the Rock Hall of Fame. I was like sweet. So the next day I go there and get inducted and shit. I go home and watch a rerun on T.V. and I wasn't on it! (thats why you didnt see me in the 2005 rock hall of fame) So I called up MTV i think and asked them and they said "for time purposes, we had to randomly take off one person and it turned out to be you." So i was bummed. But then I remembered I had a box of mushrooms under my bed. I was like "hell yeah." and opened it up. Then I ate two tops of them and ran outside. The Greatful dead were outside with baseball bats! They said that the cat told them I had heroin that I didn't share with them. So then they got on motorcycles and started chasing me but luckly my bike was right out front in my driveway. So they are chasing me down the road for awhile and then I remembered that I had some tacks in my pocket and so I threw some down and popped all their tires. It was sweet. Then I biked to my friend's house. She had some crystal meth. We did a line or two of that and were like "SWEET." Then she got horny and had sex with me. Then I popped and went home. I forgot that Ashlee Simpson was my girlfriend at the time though so I called her and confessed to her (without even crying). She got really sad but I said I would make it up to her by doing her as many times as she wants over the weekend. She immediatly got happy and that was solved. Then my parents cooked dinner so I sat down and ate that. Then I noticed my dads eye looked funny and asked him what was up. Then his face peeled off and he was a robot! Then I noticed that my soup was poisoned so I spit it out in his face! He tried killling me but I found a gun and destroyed that robot. It was really my mom though and then my dad came home and we told him the story. We laughed for awhile and then he and mom said they were tired and went to sleep. I later asked my cat what was up about it telling on me and shit. She apologized and said she was just really really high. So then I put on T.V. and we watched the rerun of American Idol on a secert channel that you get by ... well I can't tell you. It was a couple hours long and I ended up falling asleep at 4am because the acid kicked back in my body. So it was all good that day. Then the next day my girlfriend Ashlee Simpson came over and we fucked all day. She is pretty hot so I was having a very good time. That was fun. But then she said she might be pregnant! So we went to the doctors but THANK GOD found out that it was all in her head and that it wasn't true at all. Omg dude. what a close call that was.