Be Well
Title: Be Well
Pairing: Hints of Onew/Jonghyun, (minor) Jonghyun/Key
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "Here," Onew hears Kibum say. "Something to calm you down." He feels the pin-prick kiss of a needle before he rolls onto his back, his head facing towards the windows.
Warnings: character death, mental illness
Notes: Written for this prompt that was given to me by a friend.
"He..." Kibum snaps his fingers. "He isn't doing so well today."
Onew pretends to be asleep, but his cheeks are heating up. He hopes no one bothers to look at his face.
"I brought him some food," Onew hears Jonghyun say. "Is that okay?"
Onew's stomach rumbles. He can hear Kibum's foot tapping against the floor. "I suppose so. It'll cost you." The leer in Kibum's voice is audible. He's suddenly not hungry anymore, even though he can smell sweet rolls.
"Fine," Jonghyun says, silence following him. Onew wouldn't dare open his eyes to check, but he can feel himself sweating all the same.
"Did he take his medicine yet?" Jonghyun asks. Onew's forehead crinkles - he knows he's doing a poor job of pretending to be asleep, and Kibum is as sharp as a tack.
"Nope. Onew, wake up. You have a visitor," Kibum says cheerily.
Onew doesn't open his eyes. He hears shuffling and then he can sense Jonghyun next to him, can smell the food closer to him.
“I brought you food, hyung," Jonghyun says softly.
Onew's hunger, beginning to outweigh his embarrassment, forces him to crack his eyes open, yawning large and lazy. Once his eyes adjust to the bright light from the overhead lights and the sunlight streaming in through the windows, he sees is Jonghyun with his hand on his knee. He can feel the warmth over the thick blankets that Kibum had dug out for him. Jonghyun is smiling. "Good morning, hyung," Jonghyun says with a small smile.
Kibum busies himself as to look like he's not intruding upon them, though he clearly is.
"Minho helped Dongsun make you a card, as well," Jonghyun says. He opens the basket that he'd brought with him and pulls out a glittery card made of construction paper. "Are you hungry?"
Onew nods and sits up. Jonghyun takes that as his cue to take out a sloppily-prepared plate of food and set it on the tray where Kibum usually brings his meal. The meals Kibum brings are never as good as the one Jonghyun has set out for him right now. "You eat some," Jonghyun says. "I'll be right back." Onew nods and picks up a sweet roll as Jonghyun slips from the room.
While he eats, Onew looks at the stick figure that Dongsun had doodled on the cover of the card with the help of his father. The thought of Minho as a father is less surprising these days. Dongsun is being raised right, but every now and then, the fact that Minho is the one raising him still takes Onew by surprise.
The door to the room didn't close all of the way, so Onew is pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Jonghyun's voice drifting from down the hall.
"You said he hasn't been well?"
"No, not really."
"Well, what's been..." Jonghyun trails off. Onew can’t hear him anymore. Onew hears a noise outside and turning his head, he catches sight of someone from the window. He raises an eyebrow when he notices that it's Taemin crouching outside the window, leaning down and waving with a bright smile on his face. His smile grows wider when he notices that Onew has spotted him.
Onew waves back. He wants to get up and go to the window, but he isn't quite strong enough yet, so instead, he beckons Taemin to come inside. He points to the plate of food that Jonghyun brought. Taemin nods and laughs, pointing to signal that he'll walk around the side of the building. Onew smiles and waits.
While he's waiting, he looks back to the crack in the door and he startles himself because he can see Kibum's blinding, multicolored shoes in the crack of the doorway. His back is facing the opening of the door and, through the thin sticks of Kibum's legs; Onew can see a person kneeling. He can see familiar jeans that are worn out from too many years of use. He can see hands that he recognizes skating up Kibum's pants - not the designer kind he usually favors, but the pair he designates for when he’s working.
Onew realizes with a start what he's looking at. When Kibum sighs and spreads his legs just a little wider, Onew can see that it’s Jonghyun on his knees on the floor in front of Kibum. The motions are obvious. Kibum's hands are tangled in Jonghyun's poorly-dyed hair, guiding him. Onew feels sick. He tries to turn himself over, but the sudden movement knocks over the tray of food that Jonghyun brought him. It clatters to the floor.
Jonghyun and Kibum both rush in after that. Onew tugs his blanket up around his shoulders. He wants to sink away, wants the floor to swallow him up. He wants to rest. He wishes he really had been sleeping when Jonghyun came to visit.
"What happened?" Kibum asks.
Onew doesn't say anything. He feels like, if he opens his mouth, he'll throw up what little he ate. He wishes Taemin had come in already to distract him.
"What happened?" Jonghyun asks. Onew can feel his hand touching his side. He curls up tighter under the blanket.
"See, this is what I was talking about," Kibum murmurs.
"Did something spook you?" Jonghyun asks. When Jonghyun finds no leeway talking to Onew's back, he moves around so that he's facing Onew's front. He tugs the blanket down a little so that he can meet Onew's eyes. Onew had expected Jonghyun's mouth to be swollen or wet, or that his hair would be mussed from Kibum's hands, but he looks fine, just the same as before. Onew closes his eyes.
"Is Taemin inside yet?" Onew asks instead.
"Taemin?" Jonghyun asks. Onew lets his eyes open and looks up at Jonghyun.
"He told me he was coming inside. He was walking around the building to come see me. I was going to share my lunch with him, but it's all ruined now..."
Jonghyun looks past Onew and up to who Onew guesses is Kibum. "I can get you more lunch," Jongyun says slowly. "It isn't ruined."
"You're busy," Onew says. "You're busy with Kibum in the hallway. I saw what you were doing." Onew doesn’t speak with an accusatory tone - it happened. They don’t need to pretend as though it didn’t.
"I was talking to Jonghyun," Kibum says from behind Onew.
Onew squeezes his eyes shut. "You weren't..."
"Maybe it's time for you to take your medicine," Kibum says.
"Won't that make him..." Jonghyun begins, but the rest of his words static out. Onew's head hurts.
"No more than he already is."
"Kibum, he's right here!"
"He doesn't know what's real half the time. We both heard him ask for Taemin, didn't we?"
Onew breathes carefully. He's known for a long time that Kibum doesn't respect him. He'll care for him because he's paid to do so, but he won't enjoy doing it.
"Jonghyun, please bring another meal for Taemin. He'll be upset that I wrecked the other. He was coming inside to eat."
Jonghyun stares at Onew, his eyes big and dark. They look like they hurt as much as Onew's chest is right now.
"Here," Onew hears Kibum say. "Something to calm you down." He feels the pin-prick kiss of a needle before he rolls onto his back, his head facing towards the windows.
Kibum begins to clean up the fallen meal and Jonghyun scrubs a hand over his face, pressing the heels of his palms to tired, ringed eyes. Onew closes his eyes, just for a moment. He feels like he's dreaming already even though he can hear the noise of Kibum picking up the dinner. That sound is quickly replaced by the screech of tires, loud and sudden - before that, it was a song, fast and happy, one that he and Taemin were supposed to learn for some dance competition at their university. After the tires screeching, it’s a siren - somewhere in the middle was a lot of screaming. Onew wants to open his eyes, but he can't. The sounds of his room are dimmer than before.
Onew can feel the cool press of damp grass on his back, seeping through his jacket and jeans. His shoes are gone. That's too far ahead, though. Before the tires or the song, he knows what happened. He and Taemin were driving to the studio to practice their routine - they only had the weekend to do it and Taemin had an exam that he needed to study for. Onew was going to make him dinner so that he would be able to focus. Jonghyun was going to stop over after practice. Dongsun’s birthday was Tuesday, so they needed to shop for presents, too.
Taemin was singing along to the chorus and Onew had laughed, his eyes closed a second too long - he never would've known the guy in the other lane would have a seizure and he'd never guess that he'd be unable to swerve out of the way. He'd have no idea that the car would slam into his own, the one his parents were still paying off for him back home, and that his car would be hit three more times by other people trying to swerve out of the way before ending up in the cement siding.
When the car had stopped moving, Onew lifted his head. His whole body hurt. He had blood in his eyes. The first thing he did was look at Taemin, who was still strapped into the seat. His head hanged limp and the crown of his head was bloodied, glass in his hair.
Onew called out his name, but there was no answer. He had reached out and pushed at Taemin's shoulder. Taemin tipped sideways. His face was perfect - not a scratch or a gash to mar it, still hosting the tiniest ghost of a smile. Onew calmed down for a second. He wanted to close his eyes, but tipping Taemin sideways also afforded Onew the chance to see where he was truly bleeding. A shard of glass from the broken windshield was sticking out of Taemin's chest, blood pooling in his lap.
When Onew wakes up, he's in the grass on the side of the road. There are ambulances around and people crowding. Someone is standing next to him. Lots of things happen in real time. In reality, Onew is taken to the hospital and he wakes up a few hours later with minor head trauma, broken fingers, and a bruised chest. Taemin never wakes up again. Onew goes to the funeral. He rides with Jonghyun, Minho, Yoona, and Dongsun in the car behind them.
People whisper. It feels like everyone is talking about Onew. Jonghyun spends a few days reading up on survivor's guilt and it only takes a month before Onew is seeing a therapist. When he has a breakdown in the middle of his second week back to university, they send him to Kibum, to the home he works in.
"It’s only temporary," Jonghyun had said on the ride over. "I met him. He seems nice. You'll get better and come home soon."
‘Soon’ turned into a year, then two, then three. Kibum's patience has long since worn thin. Jonghyun still visits Onew every week. Dongsun is seven years old. Taemin would've been twenty-one. All those things happened in reality.
Now, where Onew is, the ambulance forgets him and he lies in the grass until the moon rises, a dark sea black in the silver sky. There, Onew stays forever - at least until Kibum's sedative wears off. There, Onew tells the sky, "I want to be well. I want to be well. I want to be well."
Pairing: Hints of Onew/Jonghyun, (minor) Jonghyun/Key
Rating: PG-13
Summary: "Here," Onew hears Kibum say. "Something to calm you down." He feels the pin-prick kiss of a needle before he rolls onto his back, his head facing towards the windows.
Warnings: character death, mental illness
Notes: Written for this prompt that was given to me by a friend.
"He..." Kibum snaps his fingers. "He isn't doing so well today."
Onew pretends to be asleep, but his cheeks are heating up. He hopes no one bothers to look at his face.
"I brought him some food," Onew hears Jonghyun say. "Is that okay?"
Onew's stomach rumbles. He can hear Kibum's foot tapping against the floor. "I suppose so. It'll cost you." The leer in Kibum's voice is audible. He's suddenly not hungry anymore, even though he can smell sweet rolls.
"Fine," Jonghyun says, silence following him. Onew wouldn't dare open his eyes to check, but he can feel himself sweating all the same.
"Did he take his medicine yet?" Jonghyun asks. Onew's forehead crinkles - he knows he's doing a poor job of pretending to be asleep, and Kibum is as sharp as a tack.
"Nope. Onew, wake up. You have a visitor," Kibum says cheerily.
Onew doesn't open his eyes. He hears shuffling and then he can sense Jonghyun next to him, can smell the food closer to him.
“I brought you food, hyung," Jonghyun says softly.
Onew's hunger, beginning to outweigh his embarrassment, forces him to crack his eyes open, yawning large and lazy. Once his eyes adjust to the bright light from the overhead lights and the sunlight streaming in through the windows, he sees is Jonghyun with his hand on his knee. He can feel the warmth over the thick blankets that Kibum had dug out for him. Jonghyun is smiling. "Good morning, hyung," Jonghyun says with a small smile.
Kibum busies himself as to look like he's not intruding upon them, though he clearly is.
"Minho helped Dongsun make you a card, as well," Jonghyun says. He opens the basket that he'd brought with him and pulls out a glittery card made of construction paper. "Are you hungry?"
Onew nods and sits up. Jonghyun takes that as his cue to take out a sloppily-prepared plate of food and set it on the tray where Kibum usually brings his meal. The meals Kibum brings are never as good as the one Jonghyun has set out for him right now. "You eat some," Jonghyun says. "I'll be right back." Onew nods and picks up a sweet roll as Jonghyun slips from the room.
While he eats, Onew looks at the stick figure that Dongsun had doodled on the cover of the card with the help of his father. The thought of Minho as a father is less surprising these days. Dongsun is being raised right, but every now and then, the fact that Minho is the one raising him still takes Onew by surprise.
The door to the room didn't close all of the way, so Onew is pulled from his thoughts by the sound of Jonghyun's voice drifting from down the hall.
"You said he hasn't been well?"
"No, not really."
"Well, what's been..." Jonghyun trails off. Onew can’t hear him anymore. Onew hears a noise outside and turning his head, he catches sight of someone from the window. He raises an eyebrow when he notices that it's Taemin crouching outside the window, leaning down and waving with a bright smile on his face. His smile grows wider when he notices that Onew has spotted him.
Onew waves back. He wants to get up and go to the window, but he isn't quite strong enough yet, so instead, he beckons Taemin to come inside. He points to the plate of food that Jonghyun brought. Taemin nods and laughs, pointing to signal that he'll walk around the side of the building. Onew smiles and waits.
While he's waiting, he looks back to the crack in the door and he startles himself because he can see Kibum's blinding, multicolored shoes in the crack of the doorway. His back is facing the opening of the door and, through the thin sticks of Kibum's legs; Onew can see a person kneeling. He can see familiar jeans that are worn out from too many years of use. He can see hands that he recognizes skating up Kibum's pants - not the designer kind he usually favors, but the pair he designates for when he’s working.
Onew realizes with a start what he's looking at. When Kibum sighs and spreads his legs just a little wider, Onew can see that it’s Jonghyun on his knees on the floor in front of Kibum. The motions are obvious. Kibum's hands are tangled in Jonghyun's poorly-dyed hair, guiding him. Onew feels sick. He tries to turn himself over, but the sudden movement knocks over the tray of food that Jonghyun brought him. It clatters to the floor.
Jonghyun and Kibum both rush in after that. Onew tugs his blanket up around his shoulders. He wants to sink away, wants the floor to swallow him up. He wants to rest. He wishes he really had been sleeping when Jonghyun came to visit.
"What happened?" Kibum asks.
Onew doesn't say anything. He feels like, if he opens his mouth, he'll throw up what little he ate. He wishes Taemin had come in already to distract him.
"What happened?" Jonghyun asks. Onew can feel his hand touching his side. He curls up tighter under the blanket.
"See, this is what I was talking about," Kibum murmurs.
"Did something spook you?" Jonghyun asks. When Jonghyun finds no leeway talking to Onew's back, he moves around so that he's facing Onew's front. He tugs the blanket down a little so that he can meet Onew's eyes. Onew had expected Jonghyun's mouth to be swollen or wet, or that his hair would be mussed from Kibum's hands, but he looks fine, just the same as before. Onew closes his eyes.
"Is Taemin inside yet?" Onew asks instead.
"Taemin?" Jonghyun asks. Onew lets his eyes open and looks up at Jonghyun.
"He told me he was coming inside. He was walking around the building to come see me. I was going to share my lunch with him, but it's all ruined now..."
Jonghyun looks past Onew and up to who Onew guesses is Kibum. "I can get you more lunch," Jongyun says slowly. "It isn't ruined."
"You're busy," Onew says. "You're busy with Kibum in the hallway. I saw what you were doing." Onew doesn’t speak with an accusatory tone - it happened. They don’t need to pretend as though it didn’t.
"I was talking to Jonghyun," Kibum says from behind Onew.
Onew squeezes his eyes shut. "You weren't..."
"Maybe it's time for you to take your medicine," Kibum says.
"Won't that make him..." Jonghyun begins, but the rest of his words static out. Onew's head hurts.
"No more than he already is."
"Kibum, he's right here!"
"He doesn't know what's real half the time. We both heard him ask for Taemin, didn't we?"
Onew breathes carefully. He's known for a long time that Kibum doesn't respect him. He'll care for him because he's paid to do so, but he won't enjoy doing it.
"Jonghyun, please bring another meal for Taemin. He'll be upset that I wrecked the other. He was coming inside to eat."
Jonghyun stares at Onew, his eyes big and dark. They look like they hurt as much as Onew's chest is right now.
"Here," Onew hears Kibum say. "Something to calm you down." He feels the pin-prick kiss of a needle before he rolls onto his back, his head facing towards the windows.
Kibum begins to clean up the fallen meal and Jonghyun scrubs a hand over his face, pressing the heels of his palms to tired, ringed eyes. Onew closes his eyes, just for a moment. He feels like he's dreaming already even though he can hear the noise of Kibum picking up the dinner. That sound is quickly replaced by the screech of tires, loud and sudden - before that, it was a song, fast and happy, one that he and Taemin were supposed to learn for some dance competition at their university. After the tires screeching, it’s a siren - somewhere in the middle was a lot of screaming. Onew wants to open his eyes, but he can't. The sounds of his room are dimmer than before.
Onew can feel the cool press of damp grass on his back, seeping through his jacket and jeans. His shoes are gone. That's too far ahead, though. Before the tires or the song, he knows what happened. He and Taemin were driving to the studio to practice their routine - they only had the weekend to do it and Taemin had an exam that he needed to study for. Onew was going to make him dinner so that he would be able to focus. Jonghyun was going to stop over after practice. Dongsun’s birthday was Tuesday, so they needed to shop for presents, too.
Taemin was singing along to the chorus and Onew had laughed, his eyes closed a second too long - he never would've known the guy in the other lane would have a seizure and he'd never guess that he'd be unable to swerve out of the way. He'd have no idea that the car would slam into his own, the one his parents were still paying off for him back home, and that his car would be hit three more times by other people trying to swerve out of the way before ending up in the cement siding.
When the car had stopped moving, Onew lifted his head. His whole body hurt. He had blood in his eyes. The first thing he did was look at Taemin, who was still strapped into the seat. His head hanged limp and the crown of his head was bloodied, glass in his hair.
Onew called out his name, but there was no answer. He had reached out and pushed at Taemin's shoulder. Taemin tipped sideways. His face was perfect - not a scratch or a gash to mar it, still hosting the tiniest ghost of a smile. Onew calmed down for a second. He wanted to close his eyes, but tipping Taemin sideways also afforded Onew the chance to see where he was truly bleeding. A shard of glass from the broken windshield was sticking out of Taemin's chest, blood pooling in his lap.
When Onew wakes up, he's in the grass on the side of the road. There are ambulances around and people crowding. Someone is standing next to him. Lots of things happen in real time. In reality, Onew is taken to the hospital and he wakes up a few hours later with minor head trauma, broken fingers, and a bruised chest. Taemin never wakes up again. Onew goes to the funeral. He rides with Jonghyun, Minho, Yoona, and Dongsun in the car behind them.
People whisper. It feels like everyone is talking about Onew. Jonghyun spends a few days reading up on survivor's guilt and it only takes a month before Onew is seeing a therapist. When he has a breakdown in the middle of his second week back to university, they send him to Kibum, to the home he works in.
"It’s only temporary," Jonghyun had said on the ride over. "I met him. He seems nice. You'll get better and come home soon."
‘Soon’ turned into a year, then two, then three. Kibum's patience has long since worn thin. Jonghyun still visits Onew every week. Dongsun is seven years old. Taemin would've been twenty-one. All those things happened in reality.
Now, where Onew is, the ambulance forgets him and he lies in the grass until the moon rises, a dark sea black in the silver sky. There, Onew stays forever - at least until Kibum's sedative wears off. There, Onew tells the sky, "I want to be well. I want to be well. I want to be well."