Standing up.
As some people in my f-list may know (transmitted in various forms and various shades of disgruntled disquiet), after breaking up with my ex (let's keep this nameless because I want this entry to be public), he gave my address to one of his male friends who wanted to borrow some of my books.
I never intended for this person to have my home address. Regardless of whether I wanted it or not, you do not give someone's address to a third party. No matter their plans or intentions. It's dangerous. It's unsafe. It's unethical. It's not yours to give. You do not do it.
The guy came around asking for those books. I had no warning whatsoever he would come by before he rang the bell to my flat. I was so stumped by the event I actually went down, handed him the books and a curt verbal lashing. He did not get the point--he is the kind of guy who does not get it. He is the kind of guy with no notion of personal space or what 'no' means from a female. Believe me you, I know this. From personal experience, from other people, from his own admission.
Why would anyone give my address to such a person I cannot fathom, especially someone who reportedly cared about me sometime in history.
The story circled back to my ex, via another third party I trusted with the story and how disturbed the event left me, who tried (with my permission and heartfelt thanks) to make clear to the ex that it is Not Okay to pull such a move.
Fast-forward to today:
Ex did not Get It all those months ago.
How do I know this? Let me paraphrase you a segment of the email from him I read upon coming home, regarding an exchange of our belongings that has been pending since the break-up:
"On the exchange: [Name redacted] told me he has books to return to you; that way he can take everything and hand it to you at the door to your building (he won't go in, that I guarantee)."
I was stunned. How can he be so blind? So daft?
Time to bring about the clue bat. Paraphrasing the corresponding chunk of my reply:
"I refuse to have any personal interaction with [name]. My own experiences and others' lead me to that decision. I do not want to see [name], be it by my place, be it anywhere else. I don't want to be less than 300 ft from [name] and will not deliberately put myself in a situation that overrules that disposition. Your guarantees about his behavior are worthless for me, since you were the one who gave him my address without my express permission. His own guarantees? Let's not even go there."
Sometime, somewhen, someone needs to make sure others realize the 'modern' 'western' society is Not Safe "by default" for women. Today, here, that someone is yours truly.
I never intended for this person to have my home address. Regardless of whether I wanted it or not, you do not give someone's address to a third party. No matter their plans or intentions. It's dangerous. It's unsafe. It's unethical. It's not yours to give. You do not do it.
The guy came around asking for those books. I had no warning whatsoever he would come by before he rang the bell to my flat. I was so stumped by the event I actually went down, handed him the books and a curt verbal lashing. He did not get the point--he is the kind of guy who does not get it. He is the kind of guy with no notion of personal space or what 'no' means from a female. Believe me you, I know this. From personal experience, from other people, from his own admission.
Why would anyone give my address to such a person I cannot fathom, especially someone who reportedly cared about me sometime in history.
The story circled back to my ex, via another third party I trusted with the story and how disturbed the event left me, who tried (with my permission and heartfelt thanks) to make clear to the ex that it is Not Okay to pull such a move.
Fast-forward to today:
Ex did not Get It all those months ago.
How do I know this? Let me paraphrase you a segment of the email from him I read upon coming home, regarding an exchange of our belongings that has been pending since the break-up:
"On the exchange: [Name redacted] told me he has books to return to you; that way he can take everything and hand it to you at the door to your building (he won't go in, that I guarantee)."
I was stunned. How can he be so blind? So daft?
Time to bring about the clue bat. Paraphrasing the corresponding chunk of my reply:
"I refuse to have any personal interaction with [name]. My own experiences and others' lead me to that decision. I do not want to see [name], be it by my place, be it anywhere else. I don't want to be less than 300 ft from [name] and will not deliberately put myself in a situation that overrules that disposition. Your guarantees about his behavior are worthless for me, since you were the one who gave him my address without my express permission. His own guarantees? Let's not even go there."
Sometime, somewhen, someone needs to make sure others realize the 'modern' 'western' society is Not Safe "by default" for women. Today, here, that someone is yours truly.