sleep....
eulch...
i'm so tired, it feels like i could never sleep enough, i can never sleep enough, and i want to sleep enough.
two funerals this week, i don't go to them anymore, the risk of randomized and very painful hugging from other people is too much to deal with when i frankly don't have my pain levels under control. so, i was at mi madre's house while mi hermano(brat - apply russian pronunciation rules) watched kids, mostly girls, whose parents just felt better if there was a female adult present. bridezilla's wedding, still to come...this weekend, but i'm verging toward isolation for the time being on the principle that my throat has hurt so much the last two days i had trouble swallowing pills that weren't very big, any food, and even liquids of varied temperatures...oh, and i HATE weddings more than i hate funerals, and if i won't go to a funeral, then why would i go to a WEDDING????? there's even more evil randomized and painful hugging at those.
i've realized this week though that i miss my mom's house. there's lots of noise, there's a very random factor, annoying people come by, but also, i'm not alone there. here, i have my cat to talk to, and that's it, that's the only person. i hear the a/c or heating all day, i can talk to my cat when she's talkative, but there aren't humans to talk to here. joe doesn't usually talk to me. he won't talk to me because i have the tv on, or music on, or even if they're off so much of the time. he just doesn't talk. at my mom's house, even if she and/or mi hermano aren't there, there's always either daycare kids or random people dropping by, and it's not to lonely. i like to have a place to retreat to, but i can't stand to be alone, to not be heard or spoken to, in the company of another human. even if it's only a basic 'hello, i'm exhausted and need sleep, so i can't talk.' i'm tired of the silence.
i'm also tired of war and politics (both national and corporate), and my only desire as far as they're concerned is that they not be mentioned around me, unless totally necessary (like, your country's being invaded, or you need to find another way to purchase your favorite -insert product name-, etc).
in good news, i should have all false teeth, like dentures, in around a month!!!!! woohoo!!!!!!!! because i'm SOOOOO not mucking about with fillings after fillings on fillings, involving tons of expense and pain with the same stupid outcome.
also, my psychiatrist should BUTT OUT because she's annoying me in my personal life, and that is not her PLACE.