Fanfic: Walk with Me in Hell - 7
Title: Walk with Me in Hell (Part 7)
Fandom: Super Junior RPF
Pairing: Siwon/Kyuhyun
Rating: R
Warnings: Mostly for language
Word Count: ~2200
A/N: I feel like I'm updating this too slowly >_< But anyway, this is the 7th part. Title of the chapter is a song by Evermore.
And before any of you goes 'huh?', yes, Choi Siwon owns a private jet ;p
previous
all chapters
07. this unavoidable thing (between us)
“We have a problem.”
It wasn’t the words as much as the tone of Han Geng’s voice which immediately caught Siwon’s attention. His chief of security, a calm, self-possessed man by any conceivable standard, rarely showed his emotions on duty. The anxious note in his voice just now, however, was unmistakable despite the cloud of constant drone coming from the jet’s engines.
“A few problems actually,” Han Geng continued after Zhou Mi had risen from his seat and joined them. “Kangin just called. He said Gwang Jong-bak died in a car accident early this morning.”
The sum of Siwon’s reaction was a slight rise of his eyebrows. Zhou Mi, however, was more expressive, not to mention more vocal. “What? Gwang Jong-bak as in Gwang Jong-bak from the Gwang Enterprises?”
“Yes, and the youngest brother of Gwang Yun-seok, their chairman,” Han Geng replied, his tone falling back to its usual equilibrium with bare recitation of facts. “So far, accounts of the accident are few, seeing that it happened at five in the morning. But Kangin is in contact with our sources in newspapers and televisions and his team are putting a more comprehensive report as we speak. It should be ready when we land.”
“What about the cause of the accident?” Siwon asked.
“No official statement so far. The investigation is still under way, but there are rumours that the police are seriously considering foul play.”
“No surprise there,” Zhou Mi muttered, folding his arms in front of his chest. “He was one of the top candidates to replace his brother in the future. Gwang Yun-seok doesn't have a son, but he certainly isn’t lacking ambitious successors when it comes to the chair.”
“True, but there's no indication that the police are thinking along the same line,” Han Geng replied. “The Gwangs are another matter though. And if the prevalent rumours are to be believed, they’re not pointing fingers at one of their own.”
Zhou Mi’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding me.”
“Unfortunately no.” Han Geng’s voice was grim and his eyes, as they shifted once more to his boss, were clouded with worry. “Until now, there hasn't been any official announcement from their side, but it's generally known that Gwang Yun-seok is basically accusing you of murder.”
Siwon could feel his lips curving into an amused smile. “That will be difficult to prove, seeing that I didn’t do it,” he pointed out.
“Difficult but not impossible,” Zhou Mi snapped, his voice rising. “Planting false evidences is about as easy as dropping cigarette butts, especially if this is really a plan to frame you-which isn't nearly as ridiculous as it sounds.”
“I don’t smoke.”
Zhou Mi glared at him. “What I’m saying is, it’s not impossible.”
Siwon leaned back in his seat and shrugged. “To be honest, I’m not really worried about it. The publicity is another thing though, but we can’t stop chins from wagging.”
“That’s the other problem I was about to mention,” Han Geng spoke again. “It seems that somehow the media has caught wind of your return today. Kangin said that quite a number of reporters were already waiting at the airport.”
Zhou Mi groaned. Siwon frowned, his eyes immediately searching for Kyuhyun who was sprawled in the long seat at the back of the plane with a game console in hand. The new burgundy sweater and dark grey jeans looked good on him, he thought appreciatively. At least, it was one consolation they could have when pictures of the boy coming out of his jet appeared in the internet later today.
“This will have a big impact on our discussion with the Chubu Electric.” Zhou Mi’s anxious voice returned his attention to the conversation at hand. “A week ago they still favoured us, but once this gets out, they might reconsider giving the partnership to the Gwangs instead.”
“We’ll deal with it when we land,” Siwon said decisively. “There’s no use speculating now when we don’t even have half the facts.”
“And the reporters?” Han Geng asked.
“You can’t talk to them,” Zhou Mi quickly warned him. “Let me handle the press until you’ve made a decision on what we'll do next. I can hold them off long enough.”
“Alright,” Siwon replied with a sigh. The grim silence which followed afterwards told him that the three of them were all thinking about the same thing.
“What about him?” Zhou Mi finally spoke up, his face carefully blank.
Siwon didn’t respond. Instead, he rose to his feet and walked to the back of the plane. Kyuhyun looked up at his approach, the victorious grin on his face disappearing rapidly when he noticed the grim look Siwon was wearing.
“We need to talk,” Siwon told him.
Kyuhyun straightened up slowly, making some space for the older man to sit. It took Siwon less than a minute to lay bare all the facts. He carefully watched the shifting expressions on Kyuhyun’s face as the boy listened to his explanation in perfect silence.
“Do you know what that means?” he asked after he had mentioned the possibility of his return being expected.
“There will be reporters when we get off the plane,” Kyuhyun answered after a pause.
“Yes.” Siwon nodded. “I think it's no secret that you’re living with me, but this can turn really ugly if we aren’t careful.”
“I can wait in the plane until they’re gone if that’s what you want.” Kyuhyun's voice was flat and the expression he wore was one of blank resignation. Siwon felt a frown settle across his brow.
“You’ve been with me long enough to know what publicity means-but this time, the level of exposure will be nothing like you’ve ever experienced.”
“I know. That’s why I said I’d stay in the plane if that’s what you want.”
“But is that what you want?”
Kyuhyun shot him a glare that spelled frustration more than anger. “It doesn’t matter. Look, you have enough problems as it is. The last thing I want is to be the cause of another one, so I’ll just stay here until they’re gone.”
“I ask because honestly, it makes no difference to me,” Siwon told him matter-of-factly. “They’re already talking about your presence around me, so I really cannot care less if this makes them keep talking. I’m only worried about you.”
Kyuhyun stared at him but didn’t answer. After a while, Siwon took a deep breath and continued, “You still have school. You have your friends. You have people that matter to you. But once this makes the headline, you’ll get dragged into it and you’ll have to deal with the comments and everything-and so will they.”
The last part made Kyuhyun look down to his lap, but not before Siwon had the chance to catch the crushed look on his face. “You’re saying that some of them might not stay around,” he said in a considerably weaker voice.
“I’m saying that it’s a possibility.”
A long silence followed. Kyuhyun was alternately biting his lips and playing with the hem of his sweater. Siwon tried to focus on him and not on the brewing restlessness in his chest. The thought that he would soon be letting Kyuhyun go did not sit well with him, but he knew the choice wasn’t his to make.
It wouldn’t be fair.
“I’d rather…” Kyuhyun finally broke his silence, but the rest of his mumbled words couldn’t make it past the engine’s roar around them.
“What did you say?”
“I said I’d rather be where you are,” the boy repeated in a louder voice, eyes glancing up only for a moment before quickly looking down again. “I mean, if it’s really all the same to you, I… I prefer to stay with you.”
Siwon firmly squashed the treacherous flicker of hope which had sparked inside him and said instead, “Do you understand that there will be cameras flashing and taking our pictures together and some of them will definitely appear in the internet under the foulest headlines?”
“Yes.” Kyuhyun now met his gaze, fingers tightly interlaced on his lap. “I’m not trying to be brave or anything. It’s just that… I don’t want to hang my head low anymore. I am what I am and you are what you are. I just need to be able to live with that.”
“My point is you don't have to,” Siwon heard himself say.
A shadow of something like fear came to Kyuhyun’s eyes. “Are you kicking me out?” His tone immediately turned defensive.
“No, I'm giving you a choice. Instead of living with me, you can rent a place of your own, maybe one closer to school-”
“And that isn't kicking me out?”
“Listen to me.” A hard note came to Siwon’s voice. Very few people dared to cut him mid-sentence and Kyuhyun seemed determined on having a spot among those few. “When this breaks out, it will be bad. And I mean bad bad. People will be calling you names. Some of them might even throw them directly at your face, not to mention in public. But there are ways for the damage to be minimised, and one of them is by showing these people that you’re no longer living with me.”
“Then what about you?” Kyuhyun shot back, a challenge in his sharpening tone. “Not only are you coming under suspicion of murder, you're also going to deal with all that talk about how you are fucking a teenage boy. Look, here's a certified pedophile. How hard is it to think that he's also a murderer. Are you sure you're ready for that?”
Siwon stared, surprised. The fact that Kyuhyun was challenging him was new, and so was the fact that he could find absolutely nothing to say in the next five seconds-something thoroughly unheard of. It did not help that among the array of emotions evoked by that challenge, he could find neither irritation nor desire for retaliation. Simply the thought that Kyuhyun cared enough to stand up to him and say so to his face meant a whole different world to him.
“Are you worried about me?”
Kyuhyun scowled, his cheeks still flushed. “That isn’t the point,” he retorted-although as far as denials went, it wasn't a very convincing one.
“I wonder,” Siwon hummed, deliberately teasing him. Kyuhyun’s hands tensed slightly when he reached out for them, but the boy did not pull away. Siwon smiled, his thumb brushing a row of white knuckles.
“They would be right about one thing,” he said slowly, a hint of regret trickling to his voice. “You’re a teenage boy. Which also makes them right to call me a pedophile, I suppose.”
“All I'm saying is they can stick that name on you,” Kyuhyun snapped, the expression on his face a mix of guilt, irritation, and discomfiture. “Actually, if you really think about it, you have a lot more reasons to kick me out than I do. Sure you don't want to reconsider?
Siwon quirked an eyebrow. “Are you trying to get rid of me now?”
“I'm just stating the truth,” Kyuhyun muttered, looking down to his lap again. “You have every reason to get rid of me.”
And that’s a fact, Siwon heard the unspoken words, firmly caught behind his teeth. And he said, “You're right,” because it was a fact and he was a shrewd businessman who knew the value of facts, pleasant or unpleasant.
Except there were times-really rare times, but this was one of them-when facts could simply go to hell. Siwon knew that his decision was made when he spoke again, “But my answer is still no.”
Kyuhyun did not look up, but he had gone very still. “Because I already know what I want,” Siwon continued after a pause and withdrew his hand; this time, Kyuhyun’s eyes followed him. “Will it be easier for me to fight this battle without you in the equation? Perhaps. But if it means that I also have to let you go, then no. I’m not so weak that I can’t fight my battles in my own terms.”
The corners of Kyuhyun’s lips twitched. “This is actually about your pride, isn’t it?”
“Just a little,” Siwon admitted with a smile, earning a snort from the boy. “But it won’t matter even in the slightest if your answer is no. It’s your life, so it’s your decision.”
Kyuhyun didn’t speak for a long time. It wasn’t until the pilot announced that they would be landing in twenty minutes that he opened his mouth again.
“Do you really want me to stay?” his question was soft, timid, barely skimming the surface of all other sounds around them.
“I do,” Siwon answered.
“Really?” There was a hint of pink on Kyuhyun’s cheeks-and for whatever reason, it pleased him.
“Yes.”
Kyuhyun’s answer was only in the shape of a smile. It was small and shaky, but it was such a sweet, genuine smile that Siwon couldn’t help but think, his heart breaking a little, that this was probably the first time in his life that Kyuhyun had ever felt wanted.
And this was the reason why he put his arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulders, pulling him close as they walked through the sea of reporters half an hour later, under heavy torrents of blitzes and fired questions.
It wouldn’t be an easy fight, he knew, but some things deserved all the battles in the world.
End
Note: It's slow, but there's progress... I guess? orz
Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think :D
Also, for anyone who read Ex Nihilo, a Russian ELF made some banners for that fic and they're really pretty aaaahhh *w*
next
Fandom: Super Junior RPF
Pairing: Siwon/Kyuhyun
Rating: R
Warnings: Mostly for language
Word Count: ~2200
A/N: I feel like I'm updating this too slowly >_< But anyway, this is the 7th part. Title of the chapter is a song by Evermore.
And before any of you goes 'huh?', yes, Choi Siwon owns a private jet ;p
previous
all chapters
07. this unavoidable thing (between us)
“We have a problem.”
It wasn’t the words as much as the tone of Han Geng’s voice which immediately caught Siwon’s attention. His chief of security, a calm, self-possessed man by any conceivable standard, rarely showed his emotions on duty. The anxious note in his voice just now, however, was unmistakable despite the cloud of constant drone coming from the jet’s engines.
“A few problems actually,” Han Geng continued after Zhou Mi had risen from his seat and joined them. “Kangin just called. He said Gwang Jong-bak died in a car accident early this morning.”
The sum of Siwon’s reaction was a slight rise of his eyebrows. Zhou Mi, however, was more expressive, not to mention more vocal. “What? Gwang Jong-bak as in Gwang Jong-bak from the Gwang Enterprises?”
“Yes, and the youngest brother of Gwang Yun-seok, their chairman,” Han Geng replied, his tone falling back to its usual equilibrium with bare recitation of facts. “So far, accounts of the accident are few, seeing that it happened at five in the morning. But Kangin is in contact with our sources in newspapers and televisions and his team are putting a more comprehensive report as we speak. It should be ready when we land.”
“What about the cause of the accident?” Siwon asked.
“No official statement so far. The investigation is still under way, but there are rumours that the police are seriously considering foul play.”
“No surprise there,” Zhou Mi muttered, folding his arms in front of his chest. “He was one of the top candidates to replace his brother in the future. Gwang Yun-seok doesn't have a son, but he certainly isn’t lacking ambitious successors when it comes to the chair.”
“True, but there's no indication that the police are thinking along the same line,” Han Geng replied. “The Gwangs are another matter though. And if the prevalent rumours are to be believed, they’re not pointing fingers at one of their own.”
Zhou Mi’s jaw dropped. “You’re kidding me.”
“Unfortunately no.” Han Geng’s voice was grim and his eyes, as they shifted once more to his boss, were clouded with worry. “Until now, there hasn't been any official announcement from their side, but it's generally known that Gwang Yun-seok is basically accusing you of murder.”
Siwon could feel his lips curving into an amused smile. “That will be difficult to prove, seeing that I didn’t do it,” he pointed out.
“Difficult but not impossible,” Zhou Mi snapped, his voice rising. “Planting false evidences is about as easy as dropping cigarette butts, especially if this is really a plan to frame you-which isn't nearly as ridiculous as it sounds.”
“I don’t smoke.”
Zhou Mi glared at him. “What I’m saying is, it’s not impossible.”
Siwon leaned back in his seat and shrugged. “To be honest, I’m not really worried about it. The publicity is another thing though, but we can’t stop chins from wagging.”
“That’s the other problem I was about to mention,” Han Geng spoke again. “It seems that somehow the media has caught wind of your return today. Kangin said that quite a number of reporters were already waiting at the airport.”
Zhou Mi groaned. Siwon frowned, his eyes immediately searching for Kyuhyun who was sprawled in the long seat at the back of the plane with a game console in hand. The new burgundy sweater and dark grey jeans looked good on him, he thought appreciatively. At least, it was one consolation they could have when pictures of the boy coming out of his jet appeared in the internet later today.
“This will have a big impact on our discussion with the Chubu Electric.” Zhou Mi’s anxious voice returned his attention to the conversation at hand. “A week ago they still favoured us, but once this gets out, they might reconsider giving the partnership to the Gwangs instead.”
“We’ll deal with it when we land,” Siwon said decisively. “There’s no use speculating now when we don’t even have half the facts.”
“And the reporters?” Han Geng asked.
“You can’t talk to them,” Zhou Mi quickly warned him. “Let me handle the press until you’ve made a decision on what we'll do next. I can hold them off long enough.”
“Alright,” Siwon replied with a sigh. The grim silence which followed afterwards told him that the three of them were all thinking about the same thing.
“What about him?” Zhou Mi finally spoke up, his face carefully blank.
Siwon didn’t respond. Instead, he rose to his feet and walked to the back of the plane. Kyuhyun looked up at his approach, the victorious grin on his face disappearing rapidly when he noticed the grim look Siwon was wearing.
“We need to talk,” Siwon told him.
Kyuhyun straightened up slowly, making some space for the older man to sit. It took Siwon less than a minute to lay bare all the facts. He carefully watched the shifting expressions on Kyuhyun’s face as the boy listened to his explanation in perfect silence.
“Do you know what that means?” he asked after he had mentioned the possibility of his return being expected.
“There will be reporters when we get off the plane,” Kyuhyun answered after a pause.
“Yes.” Siwon nodded. “I think it's no secret that you’re living with me, but this can turn really ugly if we aren’t careful.”
“I can wait in the plane until they’re gone if that’s what you want.” Kyuhyun's voice was flat and the expression he wore was one of blank resignation. Siwon felt a frown settle across his brow.
“You’ve been with me long enough to know what publicity means-but this time, the level of exposure will be nothing like you’ve ever experienced.”
“I know. That’s why I said I’d stay in the plane if that’s what you want.”
“But is that what you want?”
Kyuhyun shot him a glare that spelled frustration more than anger. “It doesn’t matter. Look, you have enough problems as it is. The last thing I want is to be the cause of another one, so I’ll just stay here until they’re gone.”
“I ask because honestly, it makes no difference to me,” Siwon told him matter-of-factly. “They’re already talking about your presence around me, so I really cannot care less if this makes them keep talking. I’m only worried about you.”
Kyuhyun stared at him but didn’t answer. After a while, Siwon took a deep breath and continued, “You still have school. You have your friends. You have people that matter to you. But once this makes the headline, you’ll get dragged into it and you’ll have to deal with the comments and everything-and so will they.”
The last part made Kyuhyun look down to his lap, but not before Siwon had the chance to catch the crushed look on his face. “You’re saying that some of them might not stay around,” he said in a considerably weaker voice.
“I’m saying that it’s a possibility.”
A long silence followed. Kyuhyun was alternately biting his lips and playing with the hem of his sweater. Siwon tried to focus on him and not on the brewing restlessness in his chest. The thought that he would soon be letting Kyuhyun go did not sit well with him, but he knew the choice wasn’t his to make.
It wouldn’t be fair.
“I’d rather…” Kyuhyun finally broke his silence, but the rest of his mumbled words couldn’t make it past the engine’s roar around them.
“What did you say?”
“I said I’d rather be where you are,” the boy repeated in a louder voice, eyes glancing up only for a moment before quickly looking down again. “I mean, if it’s really all the same to you, I… I prefer to stay with you.”
Siwon firmly squashed the treacherous flicker of hope which had sparked inside him and said instead, “Do you understand that there will be cameras flashing and taking our pictures together and some of them will definitely appear in the internet under the foulest headlines?”
“Yes.” Kyuhyun now met his gaze, fingers tightly interlaced on his lap. “I’m not trying to be brave or anything. It’s just that… I don’t want to hang my head low anymore. I am what I am and you are what you are. I just need to be able to live with that.”
“My point is you don't have to,” Siwon heard himself say.
A shadow of something like fear came to Kyuhyun’s eyes. “Are you kicking me out?” His tone immediately turned defensive.
“No, I'm giving you a choice. Instead of living with me, you can rent a place of your own, maybe one closer to school-”
“And that isn't kicking me out?”
“Listen to me.” A hard note came to Siwon’s voice. Very few people dared to cut him mid-sentence and Kyuhyun seemed determined on having a spot among those few. “When this breaks out, it will be bad. And I mean bad bad. People will be calling you names. Some of them might even throw them directly at your face, not to mention in public. But there are ways for the damage to be minimised, and one of them is by showing these people that you’re no longer living with me.”
“Then what about you?” Kyuhyun shot back, a challenge in his sharpening tone. “Not only are you coming under suspicion of murder, you're also going to deal with all that talk about how you are fucking a teenage boy. Look, here's a certified pedophile. How hard is it to think that he's also a murderer. Are you sure you're ready for that?”
Siwon stared, surprised. The fact that Kyuhyun was challenging him was new, and so was the fact that he could find absolutely nothing to say in the next five seconds-something thoroughly unheard of. It did not help that among the array of emotions evoked by that challenge, he could find neither irritation nor desire for retaliation. Simply the thought that Kyuhyun cared enough to stand up to him and say so to his face meant a whole different world to him.
“Are you worried about me?”
Kyuhyun scowled, his cheeks still flushed. “That isn’t the point,” he retorted-although as far as denials went, it wasn't a very convincing one.
“I wonder,” Siwon hummed, deliberately teasing him. Kyuhyun’s hands tensed slightly when he reached out for them, but the boy did not pull away. Siwon smiled, his thumb brushing a row of white knuckles.
“They would be right about one thing,” he said slowly, a hint of regret trickling to his voice. “You’re a teenage boy. Which also makes them right to call me a pedophile, I suppose.”
“All I'm saying is they can stick that name on you,” Kyuhyun snapped, the expression on his face a mix of guilt, irritation, and discomfiture. “Actually, if you really think about it, you have a lot more reasons to kick me out than I do. Sure you don't want to reconsider?
Siwon quirked an eyebrow. “Are you trying to get rid of me now?”
“I'm just stating the truth,” Kyuhyun muttered, looking down to his lap again. “You have every reason to get rid of me.”
And that’s a fact, Siwon heard the unspoken words, firmly caught behind his teeth. And he said, “You're right,” because it was a fact and he was a shrewd businessman who knew the value of facts, pleasant or unpleasant.
Except there were times-really rare times, but this was one of them-when facts could simply go to hell. Siwon knew that his decision was made when he spoke again, “But my answer is still no.”
Kyuhyun did not look up, but he had gone very still. “Because I already know what I want,” Siwon continued after a pause and withdrew his hand; this time, Kyuhyun’s eyes followed him. “Will it be easier for me to fight this battle without you in the equation? Perhaps. But if it means that I also have to let you go, then no. I’m not so weak that I can’t fight my battles in my own terms.”
The corners of Kyuhyun’s lips twitched. “This is actually about your pride, isn’t it?”
“Just a little,” Siwon admitted with a smile, earning a snort from the boy. “But it won’t matter even in the slightest if your answer is no. It’s your life, so it’s your decision.”
Kyuhyun didn’t speak for a long time. It wasn’t until the pilot announced that they would be landing in twenty minutes that he opened his mouth again.
“Do you really want me to stay?” his question was soft, timid, barely skimming the surface of all other sounds around them.
“I do,” Siwon answered.
“Really?” There was a hint of pink on Kyuhyun’s cheeks-and for whatever reason, it pleased him.
“Yes.”
Kyuhyun’s answer was only in the shape of a smile. It was small and shaky, but it was such a sweet, genuine smile that Siwon couldn’t help but think, his heart breaking a little, that this was probably the first time in his life that Kyuhyun had ever felt wanted.
And this was the reason why he put his arm around Kyuhyun’s shoulders, pulling him close as they walked through the sea of reporters half an hour later, under heavy torrents of blitzes and fired questions.
It wouldn’t be an easy fight, he knew, but some things deserved all the battles in the world.
End
Note: It's slow, but there's progress... I guess? orz
Thank you for reading and please let me know what you think :D
Also, for anyone who read Ex Nihilo, a Russian ELF made some banners for that fic and they're really pretty aaaahhh *w*
next