[fic] Heart in Your Mouth
Author ofolivesnginger
Fandom: EXO
Pairing: Kris/Luhan
Rating: NC17
Words: 8391
Summary: Among the fan gifts is a ring box, amid the ring box is a torn up picture, and along the way somewhere we all had to cut our losses.
A/N: I couldn't stop thinking about relationships that go down the drain due to bad communication, and got to wondering why there's no talking ( Read more... )
Fandom: EXO
Pairing: Kris/Luhan
Rating: NC17
Words: 8391
Summary: Among the fan gifts is a ring box, amid the ring box is a torn up picture, and along the way somewhere we all had to cut our losses.
A/N: I couldn't stop thinking about relationships that go down the drain due to bad communication, and got to wondering why there's no talking ( Read more... )
i hope you don't mind me quoting your fic back at you. i'm just really bad at commenting coherently i only know how to respond and flail to scenes (=><=)
“The past is the past and it doesn’t matter to me anymore, I’m a man with a tough heart now, people from the past are dead to me.”
fic started off with this and it is harsh. at this point we don't really know the nature of their relationship but even without knowing luhan's words are sharp and if it's possible for them to cut even us one can only imagine what it does to poor kris. and i guess thinking that is bad enough, but later on when we see that kris has been doing these little things to keep in contact it makes it worse. and yeah maybe kris' christmas card was generic and not anything special, but he definitely hoped luhan would reply and i definitely get this feeling that he's trying to keep himself relevant to luhan's new life too? like maybe making sure luhan doesn't forget him? idk
It takes Luhan one day to stop feeling that inkling of smitten and get offended right back at Kris.
It just sickened him, how Kris is deliberately digging it up, jabbing at all these points that would have been sore, had once been sore. Torn pictures, fake ring boxes. It’s ugly.
it's cute how this scene says a lot about how much luhan still cares about kris despite him saying (and trying to convince himself) otherwise. he's so overjoyed that his words provoked a response that he completely forgets to be angry, and i think that's kind of amazing because kris' reaction would definitely strike a normal person as being borderline aggressive but it seems to just fly over luhan's head lol and he notices the ugly handwriting and makes up scenarios in his head over how the 'gift' came to be first before it actually occurs to him what the whole thing implies and only then he gets offended.
and once he does remember, he gets defensive because obviously he remembers too much, and i find it hypocritical how luhan tells kris to move on when he himself never did. he's stopped making it such a big part of his life, maybe, but he hasn't moved on. (T^T)
what, have i said something wrong?
You messed me up real bad, you know
ahh honestly the whole texting bit makes me want to cry. i guess in a way luhan has things figured out somewhat and knows why they both went their separate ways all those years back but kris genuinely sounds like he doesn't know why he screwed up and that's just T^T T^T T^T And the way he just apologizes when luhan attempts to close him out again? sad.
and can i just say how much i love kris for trying so hard? especially with the texts towards the end where luhan doesn't reply and it must have felt like he's talking to a rock XD but i guess since silence and miscommunication was their undoing before now he just talks. tries and tries until he gets through. which brings me to...
Kris had pulled a hand out of his pocket but Luhan smacked his arm away, looking to the ground where a drop of his tear finally fell. Kris tried to reach again but Luhan thrashed, but the third time he wrapped an arm over Luhan’s shoulder, Luhan held completely still for him, head lodged into the duck fluff of the parka.
T H I S. it's just so... luhan keeps pushing him away but kris just keeps on trying and it's so similar to where they're at now, with luhan attempting to throw off all of kris' attempts at reconciliation but kris just keeps on persisting... WHICH IS WHY I'M GLAD YOU ENDED IT HAPPILY BECAUSE LUHAN FINALLY RELENTS AND EVERYTHING IS HAPPY AND I'M JUST ASDFGHJKL
too long will continue in another comment
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“Not bad. Good luck.”
“What?”
“What? I said--I mean, what else can I say?” But Kris knew he could say more. Things like I really do believe you’ll succeed no matter where you go.
all. my. feels.
luhan is waiting for someone to tell him to snap out of it, for someone to care enough to say that he's making the biggest mistake of his life and that he shouldn't give up on his dreams, that he still has a chance. but kris doesn't tell him that because he really believes that luhan will flourish no matter what he decides to do and he just means i'll support you no matter what except he doesn't say it and his reaction is so unexpected that it completely throws luhan off?? maybe he misinterprets it as kris not really getting him? not really caring? and then the whole:
“I came here to tell you my...mom. Mom finally packed up for Canada and asked if I wanted to come along. I don’t know--Like I know It’s the only chance I’ll ever get to get away before my dad makes me feel even more indebted to him. But--”
“What’s there to consider? Just go.”
“Just go.”
“You’ve been wanting to get out of his leash for years now, haven’t you?”
“If you, if you decide to. Then I’ll go--”
“Fucking christ, Yifan, don’t make this so difficult. Leave, go to Canada, what’s there to lose, right?”
WHY ARE THEY SO STUPID?? WHY ARE THEY NOT SAYING IT? WHAT'S THERE TO LOSE!?!? YOU'RE LOOKING RIGHT AT IT ARGHHHHHH
“We all hated ourselves, but we loved ourselves more than anything. My ego couldn’t see me on my knees mopping up my own failure, and your ego couldn’t see you accepting your father’s help.”
I mentioned before that i think luhan has it somewhat figured out, but i don't think he really gets the fact that if he had said something before, kris maybe would have taken the chance? kris was practically leaving the choice in his hands, after all. maybe if luhan had been selfish then and told him not to go, to wait, kris would have. i don't feel that luhan exactly gets how much kris cares for him, and he's still so bitter over kris not stopping him then that he seems to apprehensive over every single thing that might go wrong now.
“Did it ever nag at you too afterwards? So many goddamn years I spent wondering, what if I’m not--or what if I had done that, or done this.”
“What does it matter what could’ve happened, or what didn’t happen?” He takes his time chewing. “Focus on yourself in the present, and trust yourself in the future. How else can you get through everything.”
“There was not one day where I could trust myself if it meant that I was still thinking about you, Luhan.”
i like their differences, how they decide to cope with a decision gone wrong and a step not taken. luhan shuts it out, focuses on the present and the future and stores it at the deepest corner of his mind. kris frets over it, wonders what he did wrong, wonders what he can do to fix it. and it's beautiful how kris slowly creeps up to luhan, slowly takes him back.
Luhan doesn’t move, doesn’t even look back, but he doesn’t pull his hand away.
(T^T)
Sorry! I feel like I mostly just spouted nonsense here (><) I'll try better next time, I swear!
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