Bars.
At this point I should feel a sheer stroke of freedom.
Unfortunately, I'm beginning to feel that I'm being pulled down by forces beyond my control. There's a voice inside my head that keeps screaming for some sort of mutiny, but I can't. It is not who I am.
But then again, who am I, really?
Have I been someone who just swam with the current, and did things because I had to? Because I was expected to? Or because I was afraid?
Back then, I considered myself deprived of something I cannot articulate. It wasn't education. It weren't life's little luxuries.
Somehow, it occurred to me that maybe I was deprived of an opportunity. Truth be told, amidst the encouragement, there were (and are) equally discouraging situations wherein I questioned why I even bother.
Why do I bother to make plans? Why do I bother to push my luck at freedom when in fact, my chances of the ties being loosened around my neck are getting more and more slimmer?
Perhaps, I'm asking for too much. Even then, maybe I'm asking for the wrong things. Maybe I'm asking for the freedom to choose my future when in fact it has already been chosen for me. But by whom? By my parents who are scared to let me go, who keep saying that the world is dangerous (too dangerous for me to move freely in), and who are constantly making me feel as if I'm not ready?
Of all the naysayers, I suppose they are the worst. When we expect our loved ones to be the most encouraging of people, they often turn out to be the ones who pull us down (albeit unintentionally).
Believe me, that's even more depressing than having some what's-your-face try to talk behind your back. That's what makes it depressing.
So, for days now, I've been asking myself, "When?"
When will I be able to decide for myself? When will they stop being scared for me?
Maybe, just maybe, I won't live to see that day.