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It's so fucking cold. I'm like just totally fucking waiting for my god damned fingers to fall off the next time I try to open something. I mean. FUCK. One of the models got pneumonia because NOT TURNING THE HEAT UP + BEING A CHEAP MOTHERFUCKER + NO CLOTHING is not the perfect equation for... healthlinessness or something. But fuck it was COLD, I
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Wow, I was totally going to say 'okay' there which would've been fucking stupid on such an epic scale. Like, you would've been obligated to punch me in the face. So just - no. Ignore that. Starting again.
Is your door unlocked?
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it can be
in like
three minutes?
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I'd make it really impressive too. Give myself a helluva shiner and everything, babe.
Yeah. Yeah, okay. Three minutes is totally good. I'll - get stuff and I'll be there and we'll get you to bed in a completely non-sexy way.
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we'd just do like... stage makeup or something. and give you a fakeass bloody nose, too.
... i'm really side eyeing you. stuff sounds potentially not fun.
you get like a serious warning right now, doll, i'm just going to flop on you and fucking whine like a little bitch and swear at people on the xbox.
or you can talk to them. that's always fun.
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And I meant, like, sick people stuff. Like bathroom medicine cabinet sort of stuff. Not questionable stuff. That would be totally counterproductive. And possibly illegal. You know, depending on the particular brand of stuff we're talking about here.
Baby, I'm all yours. Someone needs to put fucking duct tape over my mouth. Jesus Christ. For, you know, flopping on or whining at or confusing the everliving fuck out of punk-asses on the X-Box headset.
I mean, I totally read some interesting shit about polar bear mating habits. The gamers of the world need to know.
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sick people stuff sounds DEFINITELY not fun at all. like. it should burn on the way down or something. what if i inhale and it all actually gets into my lungs those little sack things in there will totally just burst or something.
buhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. you're precious, fuck. i appreciate know, it's just. fair warning? fair is fair is fair for like a million years and shit.
oh god i... don't even know. you would like trip over them in the snow and then become involved in some terrifying polar orgy. you'd get your tongue stuck a la oglaf.
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You know, I've always sorta wanted to mess around on one of those display beds. I mean, they're just there. And they're all made up and shit. And sometimes they have their own little rooms all set up around them. It's like they're asking you to establish your own domestic drama right in the middle of the fucking store. They totally want it.
I'll test it first or something. This is totally doable. And I'm totally warned. I feel warned. Completely. Still okay with it, though.
Gotta admit, Hot-ass Viking chick didn't seem to have a problem. But I'm totally chalking that up to the power of lesbians. Seriously. It's like instantaneous doubling of magical girl-powers.
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okay
a) go the fuck away
b) go the fuck away
c) GET FUCKING LOST
because they'll never let you jump on the beds and ruffle their poncy sheets. i bet they'd like, do better in sales or something if they did that. people would be like WOW, THEY JUST HAD A SERIOUS DOMESTIC ARGUMENT, BUT THAT BED LOOKS SO COMFY.
lesbians! that explains why the amazons were totally kickass until they went legitimately straight and shit.
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People would be like, 'Huh. My husband and I totally had that same bitch ass argument last week. It would've been at fucking least ten times more awesome if we had that bed. Seriously. SWEETHEART, WE NEED THIS BED YOU STUPID FUCKER.'
Instant domestic bliss. Fucking everywhere.
Seriously, Amazons. Way to ruin a good thing. You were kicking ass, taking names, and feeling up other girls. Just had to jump ship and end up on the dark side of the Force. Lame.
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