there is no modern romance
i am utterly and complety lost it seems. everything that i thought was real truned to dust and faded away in a instant. theres no saying what is real anymore. everything i feel is a lie and everything i know seems to be the same. stuck in the middle of a grey life where things never seem to get better. i am so tired feeling like this i truely do. but everytime when i seem to have a chance to change it things just seem to fall apart. i would think i would be used to it by now but im not. the only thing that i can do it just keep wishing for a better life and someday everything will be different. i can only wish for so much before looseing hope and it looks like it is comeing close. and when its over i dont know what i will have left. but i have no one else to blame this on other then my self. if i didnt put other peoples feelings and thoughts before my own things could of been different. i truely do believe that. the nice guy finishes last. i would change it if i could but i dont know how. i think im just to scare of loose what little life i have now for something i dont know. its too much to gamble when you bet with other peoples emotions and your own life. you could lose so fast without even knowing it. all i truly want are answers to things i dont know the question for and to get rid of this empty space before it gets the best of me. but i guess its too much to ask for.