Another New Year
I haven't written in here for a long time. I started a blogger blog to compile my "better" writing into one place and have all but left this one behind. (If you want to know my blogger address, please let me know. I am happy to share it with my friends, but have abstained from posting its address here.) I noticed that this time of year seems rather momentous, and it would be wrong for me not to update, if just once more.
There is nothing more luxurious than a hair cut. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a Chicago dresser I like as much as my stylist back home. Her name is Di, she's my age, married with one child and one step-child, has beautiful white-blond hair that I envy and always remembers the details that I mention to her. Our conversation wandered in way of New Years resolutions this last visit--a subject that I often laugh about or mock.
"They're really important to me," she said.
"Really?"
"Oh yeah. What better time to renew yourself, you know? Recommit yourself to something."
I imagined some of my own resolutions from recent years past: light more candles (success!), stop swearing (lasted for about two months), only eat desserts on the weekends (who was I kidding?).
"Really?" I said again.
"Definitely. This year I'm eating less sweets," she paused for a second. "And I'm going to try to get closer to God." She trailed off her last sentence quietly as she reached for her scissors again.
"Wow," I thought for a second. "That's... great."
I fell short for words and I felt embarrassed I couldn't quite phrase to her what I was really thinking. That I wished I had made my resolutions this year. That I wished that I had kept to my old resolutions better. That she had more courage than me.
Long after I left the salon that night, I've been left thinking about resolutions. I'm constantly making and remaking them. I once rededicated myself to the no-swearing resolution, renaming it my Mid-March No Swearing Resolution. Because really, what difference did it make just how new the year was to make one?
Still, I couldn't really come up with anything. In 2007, I managed to get a job which was, if not a resolution last year, a necessity. I kept a very loving and wonderful relationship with my boyfriend. I even wrote correspondence, albeit sporadically. But none of these things were strictly New Year's resolutions because, I have realized, I am afraid t make these promises and chance failing my own expectations.
So, for 2008, I'm making a resolution to resolve to change myself in some way for the better. And I resolve that, should I fail, I will not be ashamed of my failure. I cannot go through life afraid to take chances, afraid to fail, afraid to lose something or somebody along the way. There's a lot to see and a lot to do, and without the experience, I will not know.
There is nothing more luxurious than a hair cut. Unfortunately, I have yet to find a Chicago dresser I like as much as my stylist back home. Her name is Di, she's my age, married with one child and one step-child, has beautiful white-blond hair that I envy and always remembers the details that I mention to her. Our conversation wandered in way of New Years resolutions this last visit--a subject that I often laugh about or mock.
"They're really important to me," she said.
"Really?"
"Oh yeah. What better time to renew yourself, you know? Recommit yourself to something."
I imagined some of my own resolutions from recent years past: light more candles (success!), stop swearing (lasted for about two months), only eat desserts on the weekends (who was I kidding?).
"Really?" I said again.
"Definitely. This year I'm eating less sweets," she paused for a second. "And I'm going to try to get closer to God." She trailed off her last sentence quietly as she reached for her scissors again.
"Wow," I thought for a second. "That's... great."
I fell short for words and I felt embarrassed I couldn't quite phrase to her what I was really thinking. That I wished I had made my resolutions this year. That I wished that I had kept to my old resolutions better. That she had more courage than me.
Long after I left the salon that night, I've been left thinking about resolutions. I'm constantly making and remaking them. I once rededicated myself to the no-swearing resolution, renaming it my Mid-March No Swearing Resolution. Because really, what difference did it make just how new the year was to make one?
Still, I couldn't really come up with anything. In 2007, I managed to get a job which was, if not a resolution last year, a necessity. I kept a very loving and wonderful relationship with my boyfriend. I even wrote correspondence, albeit sporadically. But none of these things were strictly New Year's resolutions because, I have realized, I am afraid t make these promises and chance failing my own expectations.
So, for 2008, I'm making a resolution to resolve to change myself in some way for the better. And I resolve that, should I fail, I will not be ashamed of my failure. I cannot go through life afraid to take chances, afraid to fail, afraid to lose something or somebody along the way. There's a lot to see and a lot to do, and without the experience, I will not know.