We Were Only Freshmen
Im sick of being that guy. Im sick of being toyed with. Im sick of giving everything and being treated worse than nothing. Im sick of people. Im sick of "politicking." Im sick of getting looks from people and not knowing why. Im sick of some people being extra nice and others being extra shitty. Im sick of being ignored. Im sick of people seeing something's wrong and not doing anything to right it. Im sick of caring. Im sick of being made to feel awkward. Im sick of not being acknowledged. Im sick of being lied to. Im sick of secrets. Im sick of always being the last person to know absolutely anything. Im sick of being shitted on. Im sick of being hurt day after day after day. Im sick of being made to feel the bad guy when Ive done nothing wrong and everything right. Im sick of nice guys always finishing last. Im sick of being built up and then torn down. Im sick of crying. Im sick of being told I shouldnt cry. Im sick of feeling like Im being a bitch. Im sick of being a dick. Im sick of being treated as "special" and getting the treatment that goes along with it, when nobody says why they do it and the only person who matters makes me feel like shit. Im sick of people's pity. Im sick of people's hope. Im sick of their constant attempts to pull me in and show me a good time when they dont have the courage to really make things better and they always fail. Im sick of being kept in the dark. Im sick of feeling there is something wrong with me. Im sick of fake smiles and feigned attempts at friendliness and caring. Im sick of the sad smiles. Im sick of whats behind them. Im sick of having pressure put on me through obligations, and being made to feel uncomfortable and unwanted but still doted on. Im sick of being made to hate who I am. I hate myself for giving in. Im sick of being made to feel ashamed of my friends. Im sick of not listening to them. Im sick of letting them down. Im sick of keeping up appearances. Im sick of being alone even when Im surrounded by people. Im sick of being made to feel strange. Im sick of being made an outsider. Im sick of being upset. Im sick of being sick. Im sick of me. Im sick of everything.......
On the same note though, I feel sorry that Im sick of these fucking losers, all of them. I feel bad they cant have as much fun as I have. I feel bad that everywhere I go, Im the flyest dressed person there. I feel bad that Im the prettiest dude every party I go to. I feel bad they have to see me surrounded by love, respect, and admiration everywhere I am at. I feel bad that they think alcohol in and of itself is a good time. I feel bad they dont have friends as nice, good, fun, and cool as I have. I feel bad that they dont appreciate the gifts I give. I feel worse for the gifts. I feel bad that I wasted all that time, money, and tears on them. I feel bad that theyve had to see me always with a stronger, more beautiful girl. I feel bad theyre going to have to see that again. I feel bad that they wont have my love, respect and friendship. I feel bad for them in the future, when they realize what they lost and that they lost it forever. I feel bad that theyll never know who I really am, and that theyre gonna have to appreciate me in such an ugly way. I feel bad for their friends most of all, when they ahve to deal with all the crap that will ensue afterwards.
So yeh, Im a self-righteous/self-hating prick and I feel bad. Leave me love. It helps to remind me that there actually is some.
On the same note though, I feel sorry that Im sick of these fucking losers, all of them. I feel bad they cant have as much fun as I have. I feel bad that everywhere I go, Im the flyest dressed person there. I feel bad that Im the prettiest dude every party I go to. I feel bad they have to see me surrounded by love, respect, and admiration everywhere I am at. I feel bad that they think alcohol in and of itself is a good time. I feel bad they dont have friends as nice, good, fun, and cool as I have. I feel bad that they dont appreciate the gifts I give. I feel worse for the gifts. I feel bad that I wasted all that time, money, and tears on them. I feel bad that theyve had to see me always with a stronger, more beautiful girl. I feel bad theyre going to have to see that again. I feel bad that they wont have my love, respect and friendship. I feel bad for them in the future, when they realize what they lost and that they lost it forever. I feel bad that theyll never know who I really am, and that theyre gonna have to appreciate me in such an ugly way. I feel bad for their friends most of all, when they ahve to deal with all the crap that will ensue afterwards.
So yeh, Im a self-righteous/self-hating prick and I feel bad. Leave me love. It helps to remind me that there actually is some.