Bursting Sunshine of Mourning
so it's nearly five A.M. I'm sitting smoking a cigarette. Still in shock on being on the outside. I feel like i'm outside. It's really shitty how i can feel so awkward in my own home. I care about my family SO MUCH but i cant take alot of what they dish out at me. John and I are Officially Over. Too much emotional stress honestly. I just want to be alone. I've never been out of a relationship but i think i need to make new discoveries about myself before i can drag somebody in. I have alot on my hands right now and bringing someone in the middle of it just wouldnt be any fair. I couldnt do that to anyone and being alone just always seems so miserable, but i think it's all that i can handle right now... i have had my heart ripped out and stomped on and the wounds are too deep to heal without the proper dosage of time. Time Heals all, right? And with how this world is looking it seems like it's a matter of moments before a biological weapon sweeps through and kills us all. I have been really good though... staying away from drugs and people who do drugs and that should stick this time. I dont need drugs i'm already half crazy.... throw drugs into the mix and you have an emotionally unstable Christine... DONT NEED THAT AT ALL. Well.. Hmph... that's all.