happy days......ooo....good show!

[off_the_map]

Today, out of entirely random curiosity, i went all the way back in my livejournal to a specific entry. Actually, it's my favorite one. The one where i admitted to loving Diego, the one that he read on the night of his birthday. The one. lol. So I read it. I sounded so depressed, but at the same time not, because i had come to terms with reality. i no longer denied it, i just accepted it. and i'm so glad i did. i even laughed at the part when i said "maybe i shouldn't post this" b/c had i not posted it....i wouldn't be this happy right now. amazing how so many things are contingent on one another. that entry was three months old, and i can't even list all the things that have changed in that short amount of time. first of all, i'm with diego now....i wasnt when i wrote that. and you know what, everyday i still feel shocked that the guy i'm hugging, the guy i'm kissing, the guy telling me he loves me, is Diego. but now the shock is more of a "why the hell does HE love ME?" type of thing. but everyday when i hear his voice on the phone, when i wake up to a text message he sent at like midnight telling me good night, the first time i see him in the morning and he gives me a big hug, and when i have lunch with him and he just hugs me and holds me......all these things make my heart flutter and i remember how much i really do love him. i love the way he treats me. sometimes i feel like we've been together forever, we can just sit on the couch and watch tv, or eat dinner with my family. and sometimes i feel like i'm a little kid...we "fight" over stupid shit....or i'll tease him and he'll pull his hand away.....but it's always back in mine to seconds later. and when we're alone, i love just lying next to him on his futon, in silence, knowing that he's thinking about how much he loves me, and i'm thinking about how much i love him. i love that. and i love just everything about him. i love how monday he made a pillow for me w/ his sweatshirt and made sure no one bugged me, so i could sleep at lunch. i love how tonight i almost fell asleep laying on him, b/c i know that in his arms i'm safe. i'll always be safe. that's what i love. i could go on and on. but the number one thing i love is the feeling i get whenever he's on my mind, or near me, or talking to me. i feel like everything bad is gone, the only things that exsist are him and me. that this is never going to end, and i feel happy. truely happy. the kind of happiness a little kid gets when they learn to ride a bike without training wheels....you feel like your free from everything, like your floating away to your own lil heaven. lol.
but yeah, i've been really happy lately. and it's great. i love work....i make decent money for right now, i dont need more b/c all i buy are clothes, food, and earrings. lol. seriously, i ALWAYS buy earrings and shirts when i get tipshare. but not anymore b/c i wont have steffy to come w/ me. *tear* but yeah, i'm glad to be in school b/c i love seeing all these people. i mean i walk to class n i love hearing "hey jacki" and i love being like oh hey to all these random people that i know. and i love when people compliment me. (hey, i'm concieted what can i say?) and the best part is....i get hugs EVERY DAY! lol. yeah....i'm spoiled, concieted....lots a bad shit, but do i give a fuck? nope.

YAY. buh bye fellers

x0x Jacki x0x