Compulsive Shopping

[jessamine79]

I have a problem I have to manage and usually do a pretty good job of. Twice in the last 4 years I've realised I've let my shopping get out of control, no debt was incurred either time (I'm a pretty sensible person, which helps a lot) but both times I had difficultly paying for normal expenses due to having spent too much on my obsessional items.

Comments

[shalajarias]

I do recognize this.. and i am guilty of doing it too lately.. with jewelry and art commissions lately.. :/

[jessamine79]

I think it must link into a gathering instinct or something, it's intense!

[shalajarias]

Yeah.. its so weird.. and my boyfriend is actually trying to "help" me deal with it.. he already told me no more buying plugs.. (and then i go and hide my newly bought plugs from him -_-) and with commissions.. well he lets me for now but he will keep an eye on that so i dont splurge that much but rather save upf or special things.

And i just bought a new camera.. *sigh* i dont really need it, but i have so many excuses for my old camera and and.. xD

[jessamine79]

I haven't actively hidden my purchases yet but if I can bring them into the house without any notice being paid I do feel better, there is that sense of guilt and shame. I hate being told what to do but with the eBay thing I did need some intensive help, I didn't want to go out if I knew an auction was ending and would get very upset if I lost. It was 4 years ago and I still remember some of the items that got away! I am quite insane, I am sure!

[firstbrain]

Couldn't you sell back some of the things you've purchased unnecessarily or unwisely? Those Chinese brocade jackets would surely fetch a decent price if you put them back on eBay, right? If you're a collector, so is someone else. That way you could 'undo' some of the financial damage and feel less guilty about it.

I don't spend compulsively (I actually do this thing where I put what ends up being too much money into savings), but I understand guilt about buying stuff. It helps to sell things you bought on a whim, if not to get the money back or mostly back for it than to ease your conscience about it.

If bills will be solely on you for a while, maybe that's a step worth taking until your boyfriend starts working again.

[jessamine79]

I know I wont wear them except once in a blue moon but somehow I cannot bear to part with them (I keep hoping for the right occasion that would justify wearing them, I have a wardrobe full of 'costumes' that only come out for very special events). I am a hoarder too to some degree. I seem to only be able to sell things if I made them specifically to sell and they are 100% perfection or if I legitimately hate them. Hmmmm, wondering if accusations of being OCD might hold some weight...

[firstbrain]

If it's something you physically cannot make yourself do, I would also strongly consider the idea that you may have OCD. I don't know much, if anything, about mental illness, however, so this is where my commentary on that stops.

However, would it be possible to have your boyfriend handle this kind of thing? You go to work, do your thing, and when you come home, things could have been sold off. Just give him the preemptive go-ahead and let the magic happen behind the scenes, so to speak.

I don't want to come off as insensitive, but I do believe there is a solution to your problem. It's just a matter of finding and implementing it. :]

[jessamine79]

I don't think you're being insensitive but I do think you missed the point of the end of my post somewhat. I'm sharing a solution as well as my story (no point crying about my problem and not trying to help others in the process). I've overcome this situation before and brought it under control so I can do it again. I also think sharing my issue might inspire others to become aware of theirs as I don't think it's uncommon in this community

[miss_tee]

When I was on maternity leave during the summer and thus making 55% of my salary I was buying so many plugs that I told my husband he could buy a TV if he would never give me a hard time about plugs again.
Now he says the statute of limitations is coming up on that promise. I may have to let him get an android phone...
I'm not in debt and I would never buy plugs at the expense of my family (ex. plugs over something my daughter needs) but I have no more "buffer" money in my chequing.
I just find it really hard not to buy plugs that are discontinued. I'll never be able to get it again!

[readysteadystop]

Yup, removing temptation can do wonders for many people. So can seeking help from a mental health professional.

[jessamine79]

Strangely enough looking at peoples collections via the Stretched tags actually helped. It made me reassess my priorities and appreciate some peoples small but high quality collections. I am seeking help for my depression and will discuss this problem with my psych. I know how to handle it though, I just had to realise it had become out of control...which I can be a little blind to.

[ophelia_begins]

i am SO guilty of this. I find tho that i buy due to feeling like shit so i buy myself presents to make myslf feel better....until the bills come. however lately i haven't be incuring debt. If i go into overdraft its payed off first thing at the end of the month and i no longer have a credit card so i've been able to stem it. You're not alone tho! i've taken to being a bit more selective and a lot of sellers are good with payment plans (e.g. onetribe)

[ophelia_begins]

i should mention i've spoken to my doctors and they don't see a problem since i'm pretty sensible in being able to restrain myself until i have the money. I think a lot of people shop when they feel down its when you start incurring massive debt or borrowing/stealing that i think people need to get help if it gets that far.

[jessamine79]

This is probably what my psych would say too. A lot of people have a crutch, I have had lots of them in my time. I quit a lot of the more negative ones already and I seem to be left with some compulsive behaviours but overall my psych seems to want me to recognise more of the positive things I have achieved despite any obstacles I might face. I have achieved well in my education and career, I have a 7 year relationship with someone I love very much etc etc.

[ophelia_begins]

yep i'm in a comitted 5 year relationship, its about moderaion, if i spend a lot on something than i can't make any more big purchases etc. before when i had a credit card....then there were problems but now can only work with money i have!