Ansaphone
"Ooh, this person has a cell phone! How nice! I guess it's mine now." Chewing sounds. "Bloody primative, but better than nothing. I wonder if I could turn it into a lasdriver. Wouldn't that be nice . . ."
There's a moment of thoughtful silence. Then, "A laser screwdriver with a built-in phone, press the wrong button and it lasers your brain! Brilliant! Now how do you get this thing open?"
There's a mrow sort of sound. "What? Oh. Hiya kitty. You like back alleys too, then? I bet you're hungry too, eh kitty? Want to share the tasty person? No? Oh well . . . now where was I? Oh, laserphone. Right. We can use it to zap rats. I bet you like rats.
"Hey, is this thing on? It is, isn't it--"
BEEP.