(no subject)
So I've probably ruined the best thing I had going for me. I've betrayed E.B.'s trust. Why I did needs not be mentioned again, I've been talking to people about it for some time now. I've made ignorant decisions before, never had to pay consequences that hurt so bad. I've just got to find a way to keep my mind off of the problems I've got. Not an easy task. School starts on Tuesday. Maybe some new friends would do the trick. Who knows though, right? I don't think I'll be talking to Samantha anymore and for the very first time it'd be her decision. LoL. That's only funny because all of this time I wanted to talk to her, and I tried to be a "big shot" and avoid her to stop hurting in front of her. Maybe things will finally calm down. Maybe I'll let Manteno die out. Maybe things will get better. So many maybes. I'm tired of feeling distraught over things I've done and caused to hurt me. Ya, I screw up, but nobody burts more when I screw up than me. I have outside influences who constantly remind me of every time I've failed. No one really knows why. I have to keep it that way or else things will be more organized and comprehensive. I have to have chaos in nearly everything. I despise that in me, too. I've got enough bad qualities, but to top it off, they almost always come back to smack me in the face full force. God, I hate my circumstances...