something along these lines
so i remember the gin swimming through my head. and a phone call.. and trying to think. but can't. just can't. and being distracted, and thinking i couldn't even see. and everything was spinning.
but hell had broken loose.
i remember smiling a lot.. i always smile.
i woke up today (yesterday?)- friday at aprox. 5pm... thinking:
how many thoughts can cross through a hazy mind in one second? i found out quickly that the answer is too many to wash down with a sip of warm tap water.
so i can't tell if i'm hung over or despondent to the greatest excess. all i knew was i felt very dirty and was going to cry... and wanted to shower.
the shower:
and i try and scald the bad feeling i have away with water so hot only a moment like this would allow me to handle it.
and my eyesight becomes completly shot. and my nerves take over.. and i have to hold the walls to avoid falling over.
ok. cold water:
the water is now so cold that only a moment like this would allow me to handle it. and i can't breath.. and i begin to feel extreamly nausous and doubt my ability to stand even more.
water off: lying on the bathroom floor waiting to vomit or for the feeling to pass.
neither occured.
i found myself 4 hours later naked in my bed freezing from the fans cold air. and i'm awake due to the most irritating sound in the world. an alarm clock.
and i have to go to work...
"and i think to myself, what a wonderful world"
but hell had broken loose.
i remember smiling a lot.. i always smile.
i woke up today (yesterday?)- friday at aprox. 5pm... thinking:
how many thoughts can cross through a hazy mind in one second? i found out quickly that the answer is too many to wash down with a sip of warm tap water.
so i can't tell if i'm hung over or despondent to the greatest excess. all i knew was i felt very dirty and was going to cry... and wanted to shower.
the shower:
and i try and scald the bad feeling i have away with water so hot only a moment like this would allow me to handle it.
and my eyesight becomes completly shot. and my nerves take over.. and i have to hold the walls to avoid falling over.
ok. cold water:
the water is now so cold that only a moment like this would allow me to handle it. and i can't breath.. and i begin to feel extreamly nausous and doubt my ability to stand even more.
water off: lying on the bathroom floor waiting to vomit or for the feeling to pass.
neither occured.
i found myself 4 hours later naked in my bed freezing from the fans cold air. and i'm awake due to the most irritating sound in the world. an alarm clock.
and i have to go to work...
"and i think to myself, what a wonderful world"