This is gunna be tough...

May 28, 2005 18:58

I know it sounds weird...but I don't think I've ever needed Disneyland more than right now. It's just the sense that in that little world everything will be the same and safe forever. Little things will be tweaked, but my best friends will never leave. It's at the point where everything is fitting perfectly but all this other crap is coming in and screwing it up. The crowds are pushing me out of my Magic Kingdom. I need the security and romance of Disneyland back. I lost the romance in everything in my life for a couple of months. It wasn't distressing, or a difficult time, the romantic me was gone. I read Wordsworth and wondered...what the hell happened to me thinking stuff like that. It was my lack of thinking. My new found guide to relationships. Just go with your heart, let it blow up in your face the next week. You've gotta think. What else do you have if you don't think? Sometimes it works out for the best. And that's why I hope. But sometimes you just do stupid stuff that you totally regret. Use your head, AFTER you talk with your heart. Then go watch some fireworks, that's always fun.

I Woke up got my lazy ass out of bed
I Watered all the rocks growing in my head
I Had a thought...and fell asleep on you...

There I was somewhere West of TomorrowLand
Flying through the stars just like Peter Pan
And I said, Damn this looks too good to be true...

There she goes... my heart again (would you mind rolling over)
I can feel it in the air (something's coming down)
I don't know and I don't care that it's a small world

It's a nice day if you wake up in Disneyland...
It's a nice day when you wake up in Disneyland...

See, in my dream everybody's got a little house
A dog, a bank account managed by Mickey Mouse
The only thing that we fight about is the Lakers...

See, In my dream all the pirates down in Neverland
Never get the Hook... they just get a hand
While the crocs sing "Superman" till we just can't take it...

And there she goes... my heart again (do you mind rolling over)
I can feel it in the air (something's coming down)
I don't know and I don't care if it's a small world

It's a nice day when you wake up in Disneyland...
It's a nice day if you wake up in Disneyland...

We can fly away...

I Woke up got my lazy ass out of bed
I Watered all the rocks growing in my head
I Had a thought... and I looked up to see

The sign read the park she's closed today
E-tickets don't work here no more anyway
Where every day's a magic day to be free You see...

It's a nice day when you wake up in Disneyland...
It's a nice day should you wake up in Disneyland...
It's your lucky day should you wake up in Disneyland...
It's a nice day should you wake up in Disneyland...

"Disneyland" by Five for Fighting

I'm not really sure if my mom understands what I mean when I say all of my friends are leaving...I have...three junior friends and three sophomore friends? "Well Michael, I guess you'll just have to make new friends." Ya, good idea. I mean, it's SO easy to replace the group of people that COMPLETELY changed my life outside of Church. They actaul made school enjoyable. I never got along with my own class and when I met all of my senior friends everything felt right. There was no trying, no pushing, no wishing, it just fit. Don't worry, they shall be replaced as easily as it was for me to get through eighth grade.

This one's for you:

There's no one in town I know
You gave us some place to go
I never said thank you for that
I thought I might get one more chance

What would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads, the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

Now what would you think of me now?
So lucky, so strong, so proud
I never said thank you for that
Now I'll never have a chance

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

May angels lead you in

And if you were with me tonight
I'd sing to you just one more time
A song for a heart so big
God wouldn't let it live

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friend
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in

May angels lead you in
Hear you me my friends
On sleepless roads the sleepless go
May angels lead you in.

"Hear You Me" by Jimmy Eat World

Although I've dealt with it without realizing ...this month has sucked. I learned a lot about some people that I never wanted to know. An awesome opportunity that I threw away came back to me, but there was no chance of it ever working. My friends (although some are staying close) are leaving when I, being at the correct age, was enrolled into school late. And my parents give me some bullshit excuse about dates when one of my old friends was enrolled in the same year as I and he was a year younger than me. My mom's on some freaky emotional psychopathic bullshit. My friends aren't all in great standings relationship-wise. Everything changes...sadly it's not Disneyland...
I was looking at some of the pictures from graduation this morning and realized how old I look. (Not like im on my deathbed or anything) I realized that I'm at that point in my life that I always longed to be at as a kid. Having a car, going to high school, actually having friends. But right now I can't wait to get out of it. Just a year though...but next year it'll be "just a year" and so will the next. Then I reach the point where I want to be youthful again because I never recognized what I had. I want to be back in kidergarten now. But I wouldn't have my friends. I wouldn't have a car. Growing up isn't so bad, I just need to make sure that I dont lose my child-like (in a good way) mentality.

Don't tell me that your difficulty with this is worse than mine, because I like to believe that I have to right to feel shitty when my entire life is pulled up from underneath me like it never has been before. There are some that I can trust with this, but for the rest of you, please, I implore you, try not to be a dick about it.
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