when_time_falls_short_of_waiting
So here it is, the end of summer. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. Well, OK... I have some ideas I guess, but I'm not sure if any of them would be worthwhile. I'm so afraid I'm doing something or going somewhere only because it seems like the right thing to do. For the parents. For everyone who asks that god-forsaken question, "So... you graduated. What will you be doing now?"
graduate school
teaching
finding a job
taking time off
all of the above...... who knows.
Who really cares? Honestly. Who really cares what the hell I do but me? It's my life, I'm the one who will suffer if I make the wrong decision, so why not take my time? But I still feel no one really understands this "lazy" philosophy of mine, so it really puts me in a bad position. It seems I have no choice but to figure out what I'm doing. And fast. It may sound naiive, or stupid, or both, but I guess I always had this fantastical idea that once I graduated college, my life would simply fall into place. I don't know why... but I really thought things would be easier. I expected decisions to come naturally. But oh, god... they don't. How am I supposed to choose something to do for the rest of my life, that will a) keep me out of a mental institution, and b) constantly remind me of who I am, a desperate dreamer who loves life?? If you ask me, it just doesn't exist. Thank god it's in my nature to be optimistic, or I'd be in trouble. But it's most likely this exact fact that leads me to fall in love with the pessimists. I get sick of my own smiles.
I'm on the verge of finding something, I know that much. But will the waiting kill me? Never a patient person, I am not sure how much of this long-term decision making I will be able to take. But I can't help but feel that life wasn't meant to be lived with this much obsessive consideration. How am I supposed to enjoy the rain and the full moon if I'm worried about meeting daily deadlines? I want out already and I haven't even begun.
Yeah. I said it. If this is what life is, then I'm finding another way.
Watch me.
And this is what happens when time falls short of waiting, of expectations, of happiness; I finally have to move on, careful to choose the way that hasn't already been cleared by everyone else.
Because what's the point in living if everyone always does the same thing?
graduate school
teaching
finding a job
taking time off
all of the above...... who knows.
Who really cares? Honestly. Who really cares what the hell I do but me? It's my life, I'm the one who will suffer if I make the wrong decision, so why not take my time? But I still feel no one really understands this "lazy" philosophy of mine, so it really puts me in a bad position. It seems I have no choice but to figure out what I'm doing. And fast. It may sound naiive, or stupid, or both, but I guess I always had this fantastical idea that once I graduated college, my life would simply fall into place. I don't know why... but I really thought things would be easier. I expected decisions to come naturally. But oh, god... they don't. How am I supposed to choose something to do for the rest of my life, that will a) keep me out of a mental institution, and b) constantly remind me of who I am, a desperate dreamer who loves life?? If you ask me, it just doesn't exist. Thank god it's in my nature to be optimistic, or I'd be in trouble. But it's most likely this exact fact that leads me to fall in love with the pessimists. I get sick of my own smiles.
I'm on the verge of finding something, I know that much. But will the waiting kill me? Never a patient person, I am not sure how much of this long-term decision making I will be able to take. But I can't help but feel that life wasn't meant to be lived with this much obsessive consideration. How am I supposed to enjoy the rain and the full moon if I'm worried about meeting daily deadlines? I want out already and I haven't even begun.
Yeah. I said it. If this is what life is, then I'm finding another way.
Watch me.
And this is what happens when time falls short of waiting, of expectations, of happiness; I finally have to move on, careful to choose the way that hasn't already been cleared by everyone else.
Because what's the point in living if everyone always does the same thing?