its all gonna break - one shot
Glee. Puck/Rachel one-shot. 4,008 words. R for language and vague glimmers of other things, but I don't write smut, so. Yeah. Sorry?
I got the itch to write something before Sectionals comes and shakes up my Glee world view, so this is basically a haphazardly compiled story chronicling what I think should have happened/should happen between Puck and Rach since Hairography. Plus, a little bit of speculation on the aftermath of Sectionals (no spoilers, just my own pure conjecture).
Disclaimer: these characters aren't mine, please don't sue me, yadda yadda. Title nabbed from the Broken Social Scene song which you can listen to here if you're so inclined.
it's all gonna break
and you all want the lovely music to save your lives
and you all want the lovely music to save your lives
keep it coming
---
“Nice rack, Berry.”
The hallway was emptying when she felt the warmth of his presence close behind her and the rumble of his voice against her ear. She rolled her eyes and with a sigh, stuffed her biology textbook and a little light reading (Roadmap to Stardom: How to Break into Hollywood) into her backpack.
“You know, some girls may consider your overt sexual advances to be charming, but really, I find them utterly banal.”
"Ba-what?"
"Banal..." She stared at him expectantly then rolled her eyes again. "Insipid...Trite...Lacking originality. It's like you've never opened an SAT prep book in your life."
"And I'd like to keep it that way, thanks."
She pushed past him and made her way down the hall towards the music room. Much to her dismay, he fell in step with her small strides fairly quickly.
"Lacking originality, huh? That's not what you were saying in there last week." He pointed to a passing door marked 'Janitor' and her cheeks flushed. She jabbed him in the side with her elbow and glanced around quickly to make sure nosy ears weren't listening. Luckily, almost everyone had already scurried off and the halls were practically empty.
“Excuse me, but I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t air my personal happenings to the whole student body." Her angry whisper was almost always reserved for the likes of Noah Puckerman. "Don’t you have class now anyway?”
“Please, I haven't gone to afternoon classes for the past five years. But look at you, skipping eighth period. Someone call Principal Figgins, we've got a real wild child on our hands.”
“I'll have you know, I have last period free on Tuesdays, thank you very much."
“Oh yeah? How convenient, so do I,” he drawled, letting his hand rest at the base of her back. His touch made her face warm, and as they walked into the music room he shut the door behind them.
"I thought I'd use the extra time to get some vocal work in."
"What a coincidence 'cause I thought I'd use the extra time to get some you-going-down-on-me work in. Or me down on you, I’m cool with either."
She put her hands on her hips and glared at him disapprovingly. "Noah, I don't have time for your raging teenage hormones. There are more important things going on right now, like preparing for Sectionals."
His eyes narrowed and he gave her tight little outfit a suspicious once over.
"You know, I’m always a fan of girls taking a turn for the slutty, but seriously, what's the deal with all this hoochie mama business you got going on?” He motioned to her outfit, and she looked down, then back up at him.
"What? Does it look bad?"
"For those girls who draw mustaches on your yearbook photos, maybe."
She hated when he said such mean things so flippantly. Lately though, the comments were less biting and she could tell, in his own Puckerman way, he was actually being nice to her.
She turned on her heel and headed towards the chairs in the back.
"Then what's the problem?"
As she put her things down, she felt his hands settle on her bare shoulders then slide down over her arms.
"So this is how you think you're gonna win over Finn, huh?"
It was no secret that he wanted Rachel to steal the dude away. Maybe then he'd finally get a chance to prove himself to Quinn. He saw the way she was starting to look at him in Glee and how testy she was these days with Finn. All he needed was for something to seal the deal and show her that she wasn't as in love as she thought and that he wasn't playing when he said he wanted to be a family.
But after a month of fooling around with this ridiculous mess of a geek, things got a little more complicated, and he found himself actually starting to feel for Berry. Sure, she was batshit cuckoo and never in a million years would he be caught dead with her in public, but lately she started actually talking to him between rushed kisses, gasping breaths, and frantic tugs at each other's clothing. He would pretend he didn't give a shit and wasn't listening, but the truth of the matter was that he totally was listening, and the things she said really bummed him out. It drove her crazy that people didn't like her for who she was - she just didn't understand how anyone could dislike someone with such star potential - but at the same time, she wasn't willing to change herself for the sake of anyone. And that's what he sort of liked about her: that under all the crazy, she was kind of a badass. She did what she wanted when she wanted and she didn't give a fuck what people said. She was who she was and that was that.
Soon he realized though, girl just made it seem like she didn't give a fuck what other people thought about her, but at the end of the day, it broke her. She never cried in front of him, but he wouldn't be surprised if she did on her own because sometimes he looked into her eyes and they were just so dark and sad that it actually made him wish for a split second that there was something he could do to make it better.
When she turned around to face him, he was giving her That Look. She recognized That Look; it was the same one he gave her this time last week in that janitor's closet. It was the same one he gave her a little over a month ago when he said they didn't need to be friends to let off some steam every now and then.
She wasn't sure how her hands ended up on his waist or why they were suddenly standing so close, but she went with it.
"Maybe. Kurt said I needed a new look. He said that Finn likes girls who look like this."
He dropped his hands down to her waist then lifted her up onto the step behind her. His fingers grazed the sides of her thighs and he laughed up at her.
"So let me get this straight, you listened to a gay kid's advice about dudes?"
She looked confused and he slapped on a smarmy grin.
"Don't get me wrong, you look-" When he glanced up at her, he lost his train of thought. He wasn't expecting her to be staring down with such intensity, for her to be hanging on his every word. He slid his hands up the sides of her thighs, under her skirt then took a step closer. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his neck and his grin was gone. "You look hot as shit."
She smiled and bit her lip and he pressed his face against her abdomen, planting a kiss on the satin material of her shirt. He felt her fingers messing with his mohawk and he smiled.
"I don't know about Finn, but this is definitely something I could get used to."
Immediately she pushed him away and hopped down so they were eye to...shoulder.
"Wait, why don't you think Finn would like this? I find that really hard to believe because he was staring at me pretty intently this morning when I invited him over to practice Saturday night."
"To your house? Looking like that? What do you want to do, give the dude a heart attack?!"
"Um, that's obviously what I want to do, Noah. Clearly things weren't working so well for me the way I was before."
He threw his hands up in exasperation. "Oh my god. Rachel. Seriously, when will you stop giving a shit about what other people think about you?"
"That's easy for you to say, you can have any girl you want in this school-" Not any, he thought. "-so you can afford the luxury of having a ridiculous-looking mohawk or not showering as often as you should. It's not the same for me."
"Rachel, I guarantee you, as long as you have boobs, you're pretty much set."
"Having boobs wasn't enough for me to get Finn."
"Um, it's because dude's having a baby." He practically shouted at her, and she flinched at the harshness of his tone. She backed up and sat at the piano stool, fixing a stony glare in his direction.
"Thanks for the reminder, ‘cause I forgot for a second the boy I’m in love with got his girlfriend pregnant."
"I'm just saying..." He walked towards her but stopped a few feet away, leaning a hand on the top of the piano. "Listen, Berry. Let me drop a little jock wisdom on your sorry ass. The secret to getting a dude? Stop giving a fuck. I promise you, the second you stop worrying about what people think and how you'll get this or how you'll get that, everything will be so much easier. I don't know if you realize this, but you're hot. It doesn't matter how you wrap the package, you got the goods. So just chill out and stop pretending to be something you aren't."
He had absolutely no idea where that came from.
---
After the heinously embarrassing Grease fiasco with Finn in her bedroom, she was so upset she called Puck. They never did things like that but there was a first time for everything. He was the closest thing she had to a friend (pretty sad, considering) so she didn't care that he never listened to anything she said, she just needed someone to talk to.
She wasn't surprised when he didn't pick up the phone, and though she knew she should have just hung up, she decided to leave a message anyway that ended up being roughly 10% words and 90% tears.
"-So you were right, okay? You were right. Finn hated it. He said he likes me just the way I am and there I was looking ridiculous, trying to seduce him in my bedroom...God, what was I thinking? I have never been more humiliated in my life…You actually gave me good advice and I didn't listen and look where it got me...Sitting on the floor of my room crying over a boy that I'll never be with…" She paused for a second, wiping the tears from her face. "I know we're not actually friends, but if by some chance you actually listen to this and decide to call me back...I...I know you probably won't, but if you do, it would be really nice, Noah."
He didn't bother to check his messages until he had successfully snuck back home and was in his pajamas after a long night of babysitting with Quinn and getting it on with Santana. He was surprised to see her name to show up in his voice mailbox, and to be honest, he thought about deleting the message altogether without even giving it a listen. He knew though that they never left each other messages so whatever she had to say was probably serious.
He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to call her back (she was probably asleep anyway, it was almost two AM) but he didn’t give it much thought, and before he knew it, she was sleepily picking up the phone.
"Hey," his voice was soft and he told himself it was because it was late and he was tired and not because he was developing a bit of a soft spot for Berry. With the phone pressed between his head and the pillow, he pulled his blanket up and around his shoulders.
"Noah?"
"Just got your message."
It was silent on the other end and he thought for a second she had hung up.
"...I can't believe you actually called me back."
"Yeah, well."
He didn't really say anything, just let her talk and talk and talk some more. He tried to stay in the conversation but after half an hour, she didn’t hear his automatic "uh huh" on the other end so she stopped.
"Noah?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you asleep?"
"Hmm."
She smiled into the phone and fought off the warm, fuzzy feeling clouding her mind.
"Alright, I guess I should let you go. Thanks again, this really meant a lot to me."
"Hmm."
"Sweet dreams."
"Night, babe. Love you."
His muffled, groggy words echoed through her mind and her phone stuck to her face long after he snapped his shut and passed out.
---
For about thirty seconds after he was a giant dick to Quinn, he thought about telling Rachel what happened. Then he remembered she's Rachel- what would she know anyway? Plus, he'd have to bring up all the baby stuff, and it just wasn't worth it. He knew he was a douche, okay? He didn't know why, but it was just the way he was. Things like sexting other girls when he was trying to win over his baby mama were no big deal because they were just Puck. Thinking before doing was for losers, he was a man of action. Plus, he didn't get what the big deal was, it wasn't like he and Santana were going out or anything. Bitches were crazy, man.
He knew what Rachel would say anyway. She wouldn't approve at all and would make him feel guilty and tell him to apologize to Quinn while conveniently forgetting that what they had going on made her a giant hypocrite. If Finn knew his geek with the voice of an angel was fooling around with Puck on top of him actually being the father of Quinn's baby, it wouldn't matter that Rachel wasn't into Puck like that, shit would seriously hit the fan.
Lucky for him, no shit was close to hitting any fans because Rachel was suddenly never around. It was just a well-timed coincidence that since the night he called her back, the heart strings he unintentionally tugged with his unconscious slip of the tongue sent her into a bit of a frenzy. It wasn't that she liked Noah, he was still very mean and very crass and very rude, but he had his moments, too. Every now and then, she had noticed brief glimmers of goodness, and though she never thought much of them before, since that night, she started thinking back on those moments and on their brief little jaunt as a couple. Her heart was with Finn, but her wandering feelings left her so distracted, the only solution was to avoid Noah entirely.
Her plan was pretty solid until a couple days later, when they just happened to leave the building at the same time the evening before her big Thunderclap photo-op with Finn. She was smiling and humming to herself, her iPod headphones in her ears, oblivious to the world around her. He waited until they were outside to pull one out.
"Y'know, Berry, I'm pretty offended you didn't ask me to be your co-captain."
"Somehow, I find that really hard to believe." She stopped in her tracks and crossed her arms.
"Okay, fine, maybe not." He stopped a few strides ahead of her and looked back over his shoulder. "C'mon Queen of the Gleeks, I'll give you a ride home."
She knew 'give you a ride home' was code word for 'go to their secret spot and fool around in his truck until her dad called her for dinner,' and though her better judgment told her not to follow him, she did anyway.
---
His tongue was doing things under her skirt that were legitimately making her see stars (not just those gold ones she loved so much, but literally swirling patterns of light in the night sky stars) when she let it slip.
“Oh, Finn…”
Puck flinched and paused for a second. She held her breath and closed her eyes, praying that he’d just let it pass. When he kept going, pretending like nothing happened, she breathed a sigh of relief and threw her hand over her face.
He knew she imagined she was with Finn when they were together and he didn’t care because he didn’t like her like that, but it was the second time in a semester a chick he was with called him Finn fucking Hudson and there’s only so much a fragile, male, teenage ego could take. Puck was a living legend. Girls didn’t forget who he was, they fucking wrote his name on bathroom stalls in permanent marker. He was Noah fucking Puckerman, for godssake!
She was readjusting her skirt and trying to make her hair with her fingers when he finally spoke up.
“You know it’s no big secret you want in Finn’s pants. I don’t give a shit.”
“Noah…”
He he wasn't jealous of Rachel’s feelings for Finn (seriously) but something about hearing that name in that way just sent him over the edge, and the more he thought about it the more pissed off he got. So he started doing that thing he was so good at where he said shit before fully thinking it through.
“But come on, can you just explain to me why all you dumb-ass girls think Finn’s your fucking savior? Saint Finn, saving the fucking day for all girl-kind. What is that shit anyway?”
“See, you’re clearly upset right now, I knew this whole stupid…whatever it is we’re doing…was a bad idea. Noah, you know I don’t have feelings like that for you. I thought we made that clear from the start.”
Puck looked at her like bitch was whack.
“No shit, Berry. And just so you know, you’re about eight notches past the crazy I’d ever put up with, so don’t flatter yourself.”
“Okay, that was actually pretty hurtful so I think I should just go-”
“No, really though, you wanna know something about your Golden Boy F. Hud?”
He almost tells her right there and then what he saw in the locker room: Finn with all that shit on his face, sitting on the bench staring at his things in a way Puck knew without a doubt meant he planned to stand Berry up at the Thunderclap photo the next day. He didn’t even need to ask, dude was his best friend, and he knew how his mind worked.
See, the thing about Finn was that he was just too nice. If there was one thing Puck knew, it was that niceness was like kryptonite for the popular. And Finn knew that too; that it was his biggest weakness, and it was why it didn’t matter if he was the captain of the football team (and basketball team and baseball team) he’d always have his social status hanging on a string. Glee stretched that string to its limit, and a photo in the Thunderclap with Rachel would just about sever it.
Things were different for Puck. He was an indiscriminate douche and didn’t give a shit about anything except the steady stream of ass that came his way. He gave nerds swirlees and patriotic wedgies and beat the living shit out of dudes in the parking lot after school. He didn’t care what people said about him and Glee because he was a badass, and his standing at McKinley was etched in stone by sheer virtue of him being a giant dick.
“What? What do I want to know?”
Puck took a deep breath and looked over at her steadily.
“Rachel, I’m not saying this to piss you off, okay? So don’t get all bitchy. But dude, don’t be surprised when Finn totally doesn’t show to your picture tomorrow.”
“Wait, he told you that?” She looked like she was about to break into a thousand pieces and for the first time in his life, seeing that look on a girl knocked the wind out of him.
“No, but-”
“You know what?” She was crying and laughing bitterly as she gathered her things. “It’s not even funny how bad of an idea it was for me to ever get mixed up with the likes of you.”
He reached out and grabbed her hand as she made a move for the door.
“Give me a fucking break, Rach-this is what I do. I tell you the shit you don’t want to hear; always have, always will.” He could practically see the steam coming out of her ears. “Listen, all I’m trying to say is...” He lowered his voice as he thought back to those couple of days he actually was willing to risk eternal high school humiliation for this crazy-ass girl in mini-skirts and knee socks; the only person who called him ‘Noah’ other than his mom and sister. “Remember that day Coach Tanaka made us choose between football and Glee?” She thought for a moment, then looked at him and nodded slowly. “Finn is a good guy - hell, he’s my best friend - but he knows more than anyone that the shit he does here could make his life heaven or hell. Not everyone can give all that up and still come out fighting.”
She didn’t know what to say so she didn’t say anything, just slammed the door and chose to walk home.
---
When Finn didn’t show up for the photo, Puck’s words echoed through her mind. She told herself to stop being defined by what other people think of her, that it was lonely at the top, but a part of her wished (maybe even knew) that what he said was true. That if she just stopped “giving a shit” things would be easier.
On her way back from finalizing plans for their mattress commercial, she let her thoughts drift back to Finn. It wasn’t the first time he’d disappointed her and chose popularity over Glee (and over her) and she was certain it wouldn’t be the last. Maybe Puck was right, that it really did take a certain person to be willing to give everything up and show up at the music room when the clock struck three; to tell the world to bring it.
It was then she decided once and for all that she really was done with letting herself be defined by other people. Especially when that other person’s name was Finn Hudson.
---
Finn found out the truth about Quinn’s baby not too long after they won Sectionals. Puck had gone out to his car to put some stuff away when the dude came charging towards him with Quinn and the rest of the Glee kids chasing after. Karma really was a bitch: after all those freshmen he pummeled in the student parking lot, there he was getting the living shit beat out of him by his best friend who could barely hurt a fly. He would have laughed if it didn’t hurt so fucking much.
He was on the ground, leaning against the back tire of his car when he felt a small pair of hands on his face and saw a brown-haired blob kneeling in front of him.
“Oh God, Noah. You’re bleeding. A lot.”
When things stopped spinning and his vision cleared, he realized who it was hovering over him: Berry.
He looked back across the lot and saw half of the Glee kids following Finn back to the building and half chasing a tearful Quinn. He leaned his head against the rubber tire and closed his eyes.
“Go ahead, chase after your lover boy like the rest of them.” He tried to get up, and winced.
She stared at him seriously and just shook her head. His eyes were filling with tears, and shit, he’d never be caught dead crying in front of a girl, let alone crying at all, but he was pretty sure his life was fucked up beyond repair with Rachel fucking Berry to pick up the pieces. She reached up and wiped the tears from his face before lifting his arm and placing it over her shoulders.
“Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
---
I got the itch to write something before Sectionals comes and shakes up my Glee world view, so this is basically a haphazardly compiled story chronicling what I think should have happened/should happen between Puck and Rach since Hairography. Plus, a little bit of speculation on the aftermath of Sectionals (no spoilers, just my own pure conjecture).
Disclaimer: these characters aren't mine, please don't sue me, yadda yadda. Title nabbed from the Broken Social Scene song which you can listen to here if you're so inclined.
it's all gonna break
and you all want the lovely music to save your lives
and you all want the lovely music to save your lives
keep it coming
---
“Nice rack, Berry.”
The hallway was emptying when she felt the warmth of his presence close behind her and the rumble of his voice against her ear. She rolled her eyes and with a sigh, stuffed her biology textbook and a little light reading (Roadmap to Stardom: How to Break into Hollywood) into her backpack.
“You know, some girls may consider your overt sexual advances to be charming, but really, I find them utterly banal.”
"Ba-what?"
"Banal..." She stared at him expectantly then rolled her eyes again. "Insipid...Trite...Lacking originality. It's like you've never opened an SAT prep book in your life."
"And I'd like to keep it that way, thanks."
She pushed past him and made her way down the hall towards the music room. Much to her dismay, he fell in step with her small strides fairly quickly.
"Lacking originality, huh? That's not what you were saying in there last week." He pointed to a passing door marked 'Janitor' and her cheeks flushed. She jabbed him in the side with her elbow and glanced around quickly to make sure nosy ears weren't listening. Luckily, almost everyone had already scurried off and the halls were practically empty.
“Excuse me, but I would very much appreciate it if you didn’t air my personal happenings to the whole student body." Her angry whisper was almost always reserved for the likes of Noah Puckerman. "Don’t you have class now anyway?”
“Please, I haven't gone to afternoon classes for the past five years. But look at you, skipping eighth period. Someone call Principal Figgins, we've got a real wild child on our hands.”
“I'll have you know, I have last period free on Tuesdays, thank you very much."
“Oh yeah? How convenient, so do I,” he drawled, letting his hand rest at the base of her back. His touch made her face warm, and as they walked into the music room he shut the door behind them.
"I thought I'd use the extra time to get some vocal work in."
"What a coincidence 'cause I thought I'd use the extra time to get some you-going-down-on-me work in. Or me down on you, I’m cool with either."
She put her hands on her hips and glared at him disapprovingly. "Noah, I don't have time for your raging teenage hormones. There are more important things going on right now, like preparing for Sectionals."
His eyes narrowed and he gave her tight little outfit a suspicious once over.
"You know, I’m always a fan of girls taking a turn for the slutty, but seriously, what's the deal with all this hoochie mama business you got going on?” He motioned to her outfit, and she looked down, then back up at him.
"What? Does it look bad?"
"For those girls who draw mustaches on your yearbook photos, maybe."
She hated when he said such mean things so flippantly. Lately though, the comments were less biting and she could tell, in his own Puckerman way, he was actually being nice to her.
She turned on her heel and headed towards the chairs in the back.
"Then what's the problem?"
As she put her things down, she felt his hands settle on her bare shoulders then slide down over her arms.
"So this is how you think you're gonna win over Finn, huh?"
It was no secret that he wanted Rachel to steal the dude away. Maybe then he'd finally get a chance to prove himself to Quinn. He saw the way she was starting to look at him in Glee and how testy she was these days with Finn. All he needed was for something to seal the deal and show her that she wasn't as in love as she thought and that he wasn't playing when he said he wanted to be a family.
But after a month of fooling around with this ridiculous mess of a geek, things got a little more complicated, and he found himself actually starting to feel for Berry. Sure, she was batshit cuckoo and never in a million years would he be caught dead with her in public, but lately she started actually talking to him between rushed kisses, gasping breaths, and frantic tugs at each other's clothing. He would pretend he didn't give a shit and wasn't listening, but the truth of the matter was that he totally was listening, and the things she said really bummed him out. It drove her crazy that people didn't like her for who she was - she just didn't understand how anyone could dislike someone with such star potential - but at the same time, she wasn't willing to change herself for the sake of anyone. And that's what he sort of liked about her: that under all the crazy, she was kind of a badass. She did what she wanted when she wanted and she didn't give a fuck what people said. She was who she was and that was that.
Soon he realized though, girl just made it seem like she didn't give a fuck what other people thought about her, but at the end of the day, it broke her. She never cried in front of him, but he wouldn't be surprised if she did on her own because sometimes he looked into her eyes and they were just so dark and sad that it actually made him wish for a split second that there was something he could do to make it better.
When she turned around to face him, he was giving her That Look. She recognized That Look; it was the same one he gave her this time last week in that janitor's closet. It was the same one he gave her a little over a month ago when he said they didn't need to be friends to let off some steam every now and then.
She wasn't sure how her hands ended up on his waist or why they were suddenly standing so close, but she went with it.
"Maybe. Kurt said I needed a new look. He said that Finn likes girls who look like this."
He dropped his hands down to her waist then lifted her up onto the step behind her. His fingers grazed the sides of her thighs and he laughed up at her.
"So let me get this straight, you listened to a gay kid's advice about dudes?"
She looked confused and he slapped on a smarmy grin.
"Don't get me wrong, you look-" When he glanced up at her, he lost his train of thought. He wasn't expecting her to be staring down with such intensity, for her to be hanging on his every word. He slid his hands up the sides of her thighs, under her skirt then took a step closer. Without thinking, she wrapped her arms around his neck and his grin was gone. "You look hot as shit."
She smiled and bit her lip and he pressed his face against her abdomen, planting a kiss on the satin material of her shirt. He felt her fingers messing with his mohawk and he smiled.
"I don't know about Finn, but this is definitely something I could get used to."
Immediately she pushed him away and hopped down so they were eye to...shoulder.
"Wait, why don't you think Finn would like this? I find that really hard to believe because he was staring at me pretty intently this morning when I invited him over to practice Saturday night."
"To your house? Looking like that? What do you want to do, give the dude a heart attack?!"
"Um, that's obviously what I want to do, Noah. Clearly things weren't working so well for me the way I was before."
He threw his hands up in exasperation. "Oh my god. Rachel. Seriously, when will you stop giving a shit about what other people think about you?"
"That's easy for you to say, you can have any girl you want in this school-" Not any, he thought. "-so you can afford the luxury of having a ridiculous-looking mohawk or not showering as often as you should. It's not the same for me."
"Rachel, I guarantee you, as long as you have boobs, you're pretty much set."
"Having boobs wasn't enough for me to get Finn."
"Um, it's because dude's having a baby." He practically shouted at her, and she flinched at the harshness of his tone. She backed up and sat at the piano stool, fixing a stony glare in his direction.
"Thanks for the reminder, ‘cause I forgot for a second the boy I’m in love with got his girlfriend pregnant."
"I'm just saying..." He walked towards her but stopped a few feet away, leaning a hand on the top of the piano. "Listen, Berry. Let me drop a little jock wisdom on your sorry ass. The secret to getting a dude? Stop giving a fuck. I promise you, the second you stop worrying about what people think and how you'll get this or how you'll get that, everything will be so much easier. I don't know if you realize this, but you're hot. It doesn't matter how you wrap the package, you got the goods. So just chill out and stop pretending to be something you aren't."
He had absolutely no idea where that came from.
---
After the heinously embarrassing Grease fiasco with Finn in her bedroom, she was so upset she called Puck. They never did things like that but there was a first time for everything. He was the closest thing she had to a friend (pretty sad, considering) so she didn't care that he never listened to anything she said, she just needed someone to talk to.
She wasn't surprised when he didn't pick up the phone, and though she knew she should have just hung up, she decided to leave a message anyway that ended up being roughly 10% words and 90% tears.
"-So you were right, okay? You were right. Finn hated it. He said he likes me just the way I am and there I was looking ridiculous, trying to seduce him in my bedroom...God, what was I thinking? I have never been more humiliated in my life…You actually gave me good advice and I didn't listen and look where it got me...Sitting on the floor of my room crying over a boy that I'll never be with…" She paused for a second, wiping the tears from her face. "I know we're not actually friends, but if by some chance you actually listen to this and decide to call me back...I...I know you probably won't, but if you do, it would be really nice, Noah."
He didn't bother to check his messages until he had successfully snuck back home and was in his pajamas after a long night of babysitting with Quinn and getting it on with Santana. He was surprised to see her name to show up in his voice mailbox, and to be honest, he thought about deleting the message altogether without even giving it a listen. He knew though that they never left each other messages so whatever she had to say was probably serious.
He wasn’t sure why he felt the need to call her back (she was probably asleep anyway, it was almost two AM) but he didn’t give it much thought, and before he knew it, she was sleepily picking up the phone.
"Hey," his voice was soft and he told himself it was because it was late and he was tired and not because he was developing a bit of a soft spot for Berry. With the phone pressed between his head and the pillow, he pulled his blanket up and around his shoulders.
"Noah?"
"Just got your message."
It was silent on the other end and he thought for a second she had hung up.
"...I can't believe you actually called me back."
"Yeah, well."
He didn't really say anything, just let her talk and talk and talk some more. He tried to stay in the conversation but after half an hour, she didn’t hear his automatic "uh huh" on the other end so she stopped.
"Noah?"
"Hmm?"
"Are you asleep?"
"Hmm."
She smiled into the phone and fought off the warm, fuzzy feeling clouding her mind.
"Alright, I guess I should let you go. Thanks again, this really meant a lot to me."
"Hmm."
"Sweet dreams."
"Night, babe. Love you."
His muffled, groggy words echoed through her mind and her phone stuck to her face long after he snapped his shut and passed out.
---
For about thirty seconds after he was a giant dick to Quinn, he thought about telling Rachel what happened. Then he remembered she's Rachel- what would she know anyway? Plus, he'd have to bring up all the baby stuff, and it just wasn't worth it. He knew he was a douche, okay? He didn't know why, but it was just the way he was. Things like sexting other girls when he was trying to win over his baby mama were no big deal because they were just Puck. Thinking before doing was for losers, he was a man of action. Plus, he didn't get what the big deal was, it wasn't like he and Santana were going out or anything. Bitches were crazy, man.
He knew what Rachel would say anyway. She wouldn't approve at all and would make him feel guilty and tell him to apologize to Quinn while conveniently forgetting that what they had going on made her a giant hypocrite. If Finn knew his geek with the voice of an angel was fooling around with Puck on top of him actually being the father of Quinn's baby, it wouldn't matter that Rachel wasn't into Puck like that, shit would seriously hit the fan.
Lucky for him, no shit was close to hitting any fans because Rachel was suddenly never around. It was just a well-timed coincidence that since the night he called her back, the heart strings he unintentionally tugged with his unconscious slip of the tongue sent her into a bit of a frenzy. It wasn't that she liked Noah, he was still very mean and very crass and very rude, but he had his moments, too. Every now and then, she had noticed brief glimmers of goodness, and though she never thought much of them before, since that night, she started thinking back on those moments and on their brief little jaunt as a couple. Her heart was with Finn, but her wandering feelings left her so distracted, the only solution was to avoid Noah entirely.
Her plan was pretty solid until a couple days later, when they just happened to leave the building at the same time the evening before her big Thunderclap photo-op with Finn. She was smiling and humming to herself, her iPod headphones in her ears, oblivious to the world around her. He waited until they were outside to pull one out.
"Y'know, Berry, I'm pretty offended you didn't ask me to be your co-captain."
"Somehow, I find that really hard to believe." She stopped in her tracks and crossed her arms.
"Okay, fine, maybe not." He stopped a few strides ahead of her and looked back over his shoulder. "C'mon Queen of the Gleeks, I'll give you a ride home."
She knew 'give you a ride home' was code word for 'go to their secret spot and fool around in his truck until her dad called her for dinner,' and though her better judgment told her not to follow him, she did anyway.
---
His tongue was doing things under her skirt that were legitimately making her see stars (not just those gold ones she loved so much, but literally swirling patterns of light in the night sky stars) when she let it slip.
“Oh, Finn…”
Puck flinched and paused for a second. She held her breath and closed her eyes, praying that he’d just let it pass. When he kept going, pretending like nothing happened, she breathed a sigh of relief and threw her hand over her face.
He knew she imagined she was with Finn when they were together and he didn’t care because he didn’t like her like that, but it was the second time in a semester a chick he was with called him Finn fucking Hudson and there’s only so much a fragile, male, teenage ego could take. Puck was a living legend. Girls didn’t forget who he was, they fucking wrote his name on bathroom stalls in permanent marker. He was Noah fucking Puckerman, for godssake!
She was readjusting her skirt and trying to make her hair with her fingers when he finally spoke up.
“You know it’s no big secret you want in Finn’s pants. I don’t give a shit.”
“Noah…”
He he wasn't jealous of Rachel’s feelings for Finn (seriously) but something about hearing that name in that way just sent him over the edge, and the more he thought about it the more pissed off he got. So he started doing that thing he was so good at where he said shit before fully thinking it through.
“But come on, can you just explain to me why all you dumb-ass girls think Finn’s your fucking savior? Saint Finn, saving the fucking day for all girl-kind. What is that shit anyway?”
“See, you’re clearly upset right now, I knew this whole stupid…whatever it is we’re doing…was a bad idea. Noah, you know I don’t have feelings like that for you. I thought we made that clear from the start.”
Puck looked at her like bitch was whack.
“No shit, Berry. And just so you know, you’re about eight notches past the crazy I’d ever put up with, so don’t flatter yourself.”
“Okay, that was actually pretty hurtful so I think I should just go-”
“No, really though, you wanna know something about your Golden Boy F. Hud?”
He almost tells her right there and then what he saw in the locker room: Finn with all that shit on his face, sitting on the bench staring at his things in a way Puck knew without a doubt meant he planned to stand Berry up at the Thunderclap photo the next day. He didn’t even need to ask, dude was his best friend, and he knew how his mind worked.
See, the thing about Finn was that he was just too nice. If there was one thing Puck knew, it was that niceness was like kryptonite for the popular. And Finn knew that too; that it was his biggest weakness, and it was why it didn’t matter if he was the captain of the football team (and basketball team and baseball team) he’d always have his social status hanging on a string. Glee stretched that string to its limit, and a photo in the Thunderclap with Rachel would just about sever it.
Things were different for Puck. He was an indiscriminate douche and didn’t give a shit about anything except the steady stream of ass that came his way. He gave nerds swirlees and patriotic wedgies and beat the living shit out of dudes in the parking lot after school. He didn’t care what people said about him and Glee because he was a badass, and his standing at McKinley was etched in stone by sheer virtue of him being a giant dick.
“What? What do I want to know?”
Puck took a deep breath and looked over at her steadily.
“Rachel, I’m not saying this to piss you off, okay? So don’t get all bitchy. But dude, don’t be surprised when Finn totally doesn’t show to your picture tomorrow.”
“Wait, he told you that?” She looked like she was about to break into a thousand pieces and for the first time in his life, seeing that look on a girl knocked the wind out of him.
“No, but-”
“You know what?” She was crying and laughing bitterly as she gathered her things. “It’s not even funny how bad of an idea it was for me to ever get mixed up with the likes of you.”
He reached out and grabbed her hand as she made a move for the door.
“Give me a fucking break, Rach-this is what I do. I tell you the shit you don’t want to hear; always have, always will.” He could practically see the steam coming out of her ears. “Listen, all I’m trying to say is...” He lowered his voice as he thought back to those couple of days he actually was willing to risk eternal high school humiliation for this crazy-ass girl in mini-skirts and knee socks; the only person who called him ‘Noah’ other than his mom and sister. “Remember that day Coach Tanaka made us choose between football and Glee?” She thought for a moment, then looked at him and nodded slowly. “Finn is a good guy - hell, he’s my best friend - but he knows more than anyone that the shit he does here could make his life heaven or hell. Not everyone can give all that up and still come out fighting.”
She didn’t know what to say so she didn’t say anything, just slammed the door and chose to walk home.
---
When Finn didn’t show up for the photo, Puck’s words echoed through her mind. She told herself to stop being defined by what other people think of her, that it was lonely at the top, but a part of her wished (maybe even knew) that what he said was true. That if she just stopped “giving a shit” things would be easier.
On her way back from finalizing plans for their mattress commercial, she let her thoughts drift back to Finn. It wasn’t the first time he’d disappointed her and chose popularity over Glee (and over her) and she was certain it wouldn’t be the last. Maybe Puck was right, that it really did take a certain person to be willing to give everything up and show up at the music room when the clock struck three; to tell the world to bring it.
It was then she decided once and for all that she really was done with letting herself be defined by other people. Especially when that other person’s name was Finn Hudson.
---
Finn found out the truth about Quinn’s baby not too long after they won Sectionals. Puck had gone out to his car to put some stuff away when the dude came charging towards him with Quinn and the rest of the Glee kids chasing after. Karma really was a bitch: after all those freshmen he pummeled in the student parking lot, there he was getting the living shit beat out of him by his best friend who could barely hurt a fly. He would have laughed if it didn’t hurt so fucking much.
He was on the ground, leaning against the back tire of his car when he felt a small pair of hands on his face and saw a brown-haired blob kneeling in front of him.
“Oh God, Noah. You’re bleeding. A lot.”
When things stopped spinning and his vision cleared, he realized who it was hovering over him: Berry.
He looked back across the lot and saw half of the Glee kids following Finn back to the building and half chasing a tearful Quinn. He leaned his head against the rubber tire and closed his eyes.
“Go ahead, chase after your lover boy like the rest of them.” He tried to get up, and winced.
She stared at him seriously and just shook her head. His eyes were filling with tears, and shit, he’d never be caught dead crying in front of a girl, let alone crying at all, but he was pretty sure his life was fucked up beyond repair with Rachel fucking Berry to pick up the pieces. She reached up and wiped the tears from his face before lifting his arm and placing it over her shoulders.
“Come on. Let’s get you cleaned up.”
---