I won!!
Funniest fic at the Jan 2012 firewhiskeyfic
As I was drunk, this sort of stopped being Mary-Sue-ish after the first paragraph as I started wading through various tropes instead. I'm pretty sure I've been guilty of a few of these myself - although I'll deny it furiously if questioned - so please, no one see this as a dig :) I'm just a mean, grouchy drunk.
Also, be warned, it's not very good.
Hermione Graner, the brightest withch of her gae, bit her plump lower lip as she stared at her relecttion.
She looked good, she knew that. Her once bushy hair now tamed into a mass of sleek, coiling ringlets, her curves filling her school uniform in any number of pleasing ways. Her 32D breasts were encased in a gorgeous red satin bra with lace trim that peeks coyly from her half-buttoned shirt, and in no way suggested at back problemns to come in later life. Her pleated skirt just skimmed the smooth globes of her arse in a way that contravened most of the school’s uniform guidelines, but no one ever said anything because she was the star pupil.
Everyone had been delighted whehn she had chosen to return tohogwearts to complete her education. She could have had a job anywhere because not only did she know how to go on eextended camping trips with only two boys and a load of magic to help her, but because she was so dman hot. People were lkiterally queuing up to offer her a job, which made everyone all the more delighted when she chose to return o her alma mater to finish her NEWST.
Well, almost everyone.
There was one other person whos return to Hogwarts had generated nearly as much press attention as her own. Severus Snape, Bate of the Dungeoons, Evil Git, and Winner of Witch Weeklys most Intimidating Glare, had confounded expectations, not to mentions modern medicine, by not dying as expected when they had left his bleeding, poisoned body in the Shack, but by making a full recovery with noithing more to show for his ordeal than a couplke of sexy scars and a slightly huskier voice.
Beofre if had been possible to ignore just how dreamy his voice had been. Now, with its roughened edges, it sounded like granite wrappe din silk, or melted chocolate poyured over a cheese grater, or all manner of other confusing metaFORS THAT LEFT HERMOINER SHIVERING.
(damn capsklock)
SNpawe had not been pleased to see her. In fact, on seeing her in his potions class, his dark eyes had darkened further until h\ermoner thought that she might drown in them. He had sneered at her with something like hate then promptly ignored her whiel launching into a long, eloquent and impassioned speech abpout potions that had everyone one in the class drooling, but which the author cannot be nbtoehrted to recreate. Rest assured it contained lots of lovely words like fervent, unguent, maceration and culmination. The two girls from the front row had to be carried from the room.
This was when hermoner realised that Severus Snape had somehow become hot stuff.
Looking back she realised that she had always respected and admired huim. He was intelliegent and they liked allt he same things (as far as a forty year old man with a history of abuse, spying, dark magic and bad tattoos and a gorgeous teenage girl with big tits can…. I guess I’m saying they both liked to read, although there is little canon evidence that SNpae ws a reader. Sure he had a lot of books in spinners end, but its not like he went there much. They might have been his dads bound Beano collection….)
She was amazed that she had never noticed it before. He was just so brave, so couroagoues, so…. Domineering. Allt hat greasy hair, unwarranted cruelty to children and awful teeth surely just ahd to be a front for he the generous, kind, sexually athletic man beneath.
Yet he didn’t want her.
This was epcecvially ahrd for Hermione to understand as erv eryone wanted her. Why, since the very first book people had always wanted to be her firend. She didtichly remembered Ron saying “Honeslt,y she’s a dream. No wonder she has so many friends…” just before the troll attack had left her with mild concussion and an artfully torn blouse.
It only made her want him more.
Deciding that dressing like even more of a slut that ususal qwould only help the cause, she pulled out her wand and started a series of complicated clothing transfigurations that Professor Mcgonalgall liked to teach all her students. Why tuern a hedgehog into a pin cushion when you can teach kids to turn potatrio sacks into floor length satic ball gowns all studded with diamonte? Not that this was what Hermione was going for tonight, oh no. that would look like she was truingt o hard. First up, she transfigured her bra from gryffinsdior red to a slytherin, emerald green, as a heavily coded message that severus was sure to understand because he was nearly as clever as her. She wasted hours just thinking of the all the intelligent conversation thwy could have, using wordsl like fiduciary, metamorphic, polymonosybillic and antidisestablismentarianism. Oh yes. It was especially charming as everyone else she knew communicated by grunts.
Except wehen Ron had said that nice thing about her being dreamy.
Or when prof lupin had called her the brighteret witch of her age. Although considering there are only about five other girls in her year thst rowling bothered to name, one of whom was Lavender Brown, this might not have beens as big a complement as she had first thoguth.
But I digress.
She then spelled the bra to open at the front becfaue, clever as snapoe was, he was still a boy and they can be easiely discouraged by something as complex as bra hooks.
Her blouse was charmed to a[[eared see-through, her skirt rasied another inch, and her sensible Mary Janes (which I’ve enebver actually encountered outside of fanfic, but fondly imaging to be the t-cross shoes so beloeved of primary school kids) grew heels six inches high.
It made walking slightly difficult, but it was worth it fore the sense of self worth it bestowed on her.
Looking at her refelction, Hermione had to concede, she was a sexy woman. And, thanks to some bad maths involving a time turner, hse was legally a woman. Ayt twenty one she was legal everywhwere, which would mean that whats he planned woth her potions master that night was not at all squicky and could in no way be seen as statutory rape in a court of law.
Snape was working on a world saving potion when he heard the knock at his door. Leaving his permentaty cure for lycanthrophy - which he was developing for free, since he’s such a stand up guy and had come to realise that werewolves weren’t hideaous beasties, but real people suffering from real afflicyions, strugglinh to make ends meet in an uncaring world - on a low simmer and went to investigate.
When he opened the dloor he could not beleiove the stunning visions of womanhood standing ebfore him. He had alwsys known that granger was special - all the visicuos taunting had just been a rouse, after all. He had marvelled at her brilliant mind, had watched spellbound as she had transformed from awkward girl to lovely young woman - he’[d especially liked her in the third movie when her tits ahd begun to show - but nothing cvould have prepared him for seeing her now in all her radiant glory.
His cock was already so hard it was painful.
Uhuh.
She sashayed into the room, her eyes falling on the cauldron. She sniffed. “Powdwered doxy droppings?” she questioned. “is this some sort of permemnyt cure for lycanthropy? But it hought they said it could never be done?”
“It can’t, for mere mortals.” Snape explained. “Not only am I a staggering genius, in a brooding, Byroinc sort of way, but I’m also a vampiure. Which convemeitly explains why I hated lupin rather than me just being a petty bastard who bears a grudge”.
“A vampire?” Hermione gasped, both fearful and oddly aroused. “do you have me intyour thrall? Does that erxplain this non-canon desrires I’m having?”
“You want me?” Snape’s heart swelled almosta s painfully as his cock. Never had a woman wanted him ffor himself ebfore. It was always been his vampiriness, or his association with voldemeort, or his impressive vocabulary they had wanted ebrfro.
“More than anything,” she replied, unbuttoning her shirt. “I want… I want you to be my first!”
Snape cpould have died and gone to heaven, which incidenetalyy is where he would be now if JK had her way, but then there wouldn’t have been much of story. I have an open mind but smut involving a dead Snape is just taking it too far. A beautiful young virgin was offering ehrslf to him whole hea\rtedly. Without a word, he drew her close so she could feel his turgid member pressing against the placet of his trousers.
Hee! Turgid!
“And I you,” he confessed, leaning down #(despite her six inch heels, she still only came to his chest, but again, there’s nothing odd or channish here). He cxapture her lips in a seering kiss, before teasing them apart so that he could insinuate his long (barbed) tongue inside the hot cavern of her mouth.
They kissed with a fervour that ;eft them breathless.
“It’s no good,” snape moaned, “I wanted to take this slowly but I have to have you now!”
“Yes!” cried ehermione, who, like all virgins , was incredibly eager and not at all nervous about being deflowered by a man almost twice her age. “Take me now, you delcatabel piece of man candy!”
Aroused beyond all reason by her unusal turn of phrase, he torn his own clothes away. Buttons went flying as he ripped of his Oxofrd, button-down (cos it can never just be called a shirt) shirt. Hermine had the briedfest mostment to admire his alabaster skin, his rock hard abs, marred by the hideous scarring of a lifetime’s worth of torture (despite only having been adeath eater for like three years ebfore the first fall of voldemoty, having a cushty job as a teacher ever since).
“Oh!” she cried, kissing each and every one. “Youu are so beautoiufl! Your scars make me appreciate how very brave you are! I have absolute no concerns about he level of psychological scarring you may also have, and feel completely safe in entrusting you will my full emotional wellbeing. I love you!”
“Sweet girl,” he sighed. “never did I think I could deserve someone as beautiful, pure, intelligent or well read as your self. Well, there was that thing with harry’s mum, but seeing you here makes me realise that those years of devotion were just a misfired teenaged crush, best forgotten about. In hfact, she was a cold hearted bitch, and I learnt to hate her, just like I hate dumbeldore. Oh, and Ron is a douchebacg who never dsserved you.” He paused. “I’m sure there’s a reason whye the two of you aren’t tpgether? Did he want you tyo have children? Go to quidditch matches? The utter cunt.”
Declarations of passion aside, the ripped off each others remaining clothing, and got down to some serous fucking. As his over-sized, purple tinged manhood broke through her maidenhead Hermione felt the briefest, teeniest, little pinch but accepted the pain as a sign that she was now a woman. In fact, the pain turned her on more that anthign and she had to resist the urge to beg snape to spank her, because ethat doesn’t happen until chapter two when she discovers his dark past in the local s and m fetish scene and discovers her love of public sex and nipple clamps.
How she loved the feel of him insife her! It was like reading the biggest, driest book ever, but even more so! It was like using her disapproving tone everytime the boys wanted to sneal to the kitchens, or reminding everyone to use the honourific Professor twelve times a day. It was joy! It was bliss! Campaigning for house elf rights had never felt this good! She could feel every veined inch of his hot, rapacious cock, delving itno her sweet depths, pummelling her with his love pump until she howled her released intot he frigid air of the dungeons. The pulsing of her tight, slick channel was too much, and snape felt hismefl come inside her, jets of come shooting from his rigid penis.
Sweaty and sated, they collapsed in a heap agains the potions counter, scattering expensive ingredients with unlikely names in their wake.
“That was the most amazing thjing ever,” Hermione gasped. “But wait! We didn’t use any contraception!”
“Don’t worry,” snaoe replied, his usually stern features all dopy with bliss and sex. “I’m convientiently infertile. I’m not sure if it’s genetic, due to sa lifetime of torture, or simply authorial fiat, but I’m shooting blanks. Thanks for bringing it up though, as it allowes for some much needed character development.”
“How stoic!” Hermione trilled. “Now,, I know it’s only been three minutes, but do you think you might be ready to fuck me in the ass? From what I’ve read of fanfic, I’m going to enjoy it even more than regular sex!”
Normally, snape would never dream of using a woman he respected in such a way, but his treactuerous body way already starting to er betray him.
Thankfully, due to magic, there was no question of either party finding the experience uncomfortable or even a tad unhygienic. Nope. Snape whispered some clever charms that he had been saving for just such an occasion and prepared to fuck the little witch into the carpet.
Yes, the dundgeon is carpeted. It’s in all the books.
Before he could make that first delectable thrust, there came a banging and a crashing the like of ewhich hogarts hadn’t seen since…well, I suppose the FInasl Battle was worse, but ti was a big bloody crash. The door whipped open to reveal a hideous troll. Not the bored teenaged variety that surfs the interent looking for talented people to abuse by refusing the read pariings, ratings and warnings then being shocked and upset by the content and using this to justify leaving inflammatory remarks, but a real mountain troll.
“OMG but you are right bloody disgusting!” exclaimed the troll, in that right annoying way some people have of tryimg to write britglish. “that is so noit hot. Snape is dead for a start, even if we over look the fact that he is almost twice your age.” The lumbering beast tilted his head to the side. “although now he takes better care of himself I’ve noticed that his hair is not greasy, just really reaaly fine and shiny, and that he’s had his teeth fixed.”
“And isn’t his aquiline nose so noble?” Hermione prompoted. “and his skin…”
“like alababster.” The troll nodded. “Not sallow at all. actually, I take all back, you two are sexy as hell. Although don’t those norks make your back hurt?”
“I use a buoyancy charm,” Hermione explained. “else they’d be round my ankles. Anyway, may we continue?”
“Gi ahead,” the troll smiled. “in fact, do you mind if I watch?”
“You can join in if you like,” Hermione offered. “I’m looking to fit as many obscene acts into this story as possible.”
“Inter-species erotica?” the troll murmured.
“Why not?” Snape mused. “We’ll just add beast or creature-fic to the wanings then post the whole messing thing to AFFnet.”
The end.
Oh yeah, the challenge was Mary-Sue/Trolls.
As I was drunk, this sort of stopped being Mary-Sue-ish after the first paragraph as I started wading through various tropes instead. I'm pretty sure I've been guilty of a few of these myself - although I'll deny it furiously if questioned - so please, no one see this as a dig :) I'm just a mean, grouchy drunk.
Also, be warned, it's not very good.
Hermione Graner, the brightest withch of her gae, bit her plump lower lip as she stared at her relecttion.
She looked good, she knew that. Her once bushy hair now tamed into a mass of sleek, coiling ringlets, her curves filling her school uniform in any number of pleasing ways. Her 32D breasts were encased in a gorgeous red satin bra with lace trim that peeks coyly from her half-buttoned shirt, and in no way suggested at back problemns to come in later life. Her pleated skirt just skimmed the smooth globes of her arse in a way that contravened most of the school’s uniform guidelines, but no one ever said anything because she was the star pupil.
Everyone had been delighted whehn she had chosen to return tohogwearts to complete her education. She could have had a job anywhere because not only did she know how to go on eextended camping trips with only two boys and a load of magic to help her, but because she was so dman hot. People were lkiterally queuing up to offer her a job, which made everyone all the more delighted when she chose to return o her alma mater to finish her NEWST.
Well, almost everyone.
There was one other person whos return to Hogwarts had generated nearly as much press attention as her own. Severus Snape, Bate of the Dungeoons, Evil Git, and Winner of Witch Weeklys most Intimidating Glare, had confounded expectations, not to mentions modern medicine, by not dying as expected when they had left his bleeding, poisoned body in the Shack, but by making a full recovery with noithing more to show for his ordeal than a couplke of sexy scars and a slightly huskier voice.
Beofre if had been possible to ignore just how dreamy his voice had been. Now, with its roughened edges, it sounded like granite wrappe din silk, or melted chocolate poyured over a cheese grater, or all manner of other confusing metaFORS THAT LEFT HERMOINER SHIVERING.
(damn capsklock)
SNpawe had not been pleased to see her. In fact, on seeing her in his potions class, his dark eyes had darkened further until h\ermoner thought that she might drown in them. He had sneered at her with something like hate then promptly ignored her whiel launching into a long, eloquent and impassioned speech abpout potions that had everyone one in the class drooling, but which the author cannot be nbtoehrted to recreate. Rest assured it contained lots of lovely words like fervent, unguent, maceration and culmination. The two girls from the front row had to be carried from the room.
This was when hermoner realised that Severus Snape had somehow become hot stuff.
Looking back she realised that she had always respected and admired huim. He was intelliegent and they liked allt he same things (as far as a forty year old man with a history of abuse, spying, dark magic and bad tattoos and a gorgeous teenage girl with big tits can…. I guess I’m saying they both liked to read, although there is little canon evidence that SNpae ws a reader. Sure he had a lot of books in spinners end, but its not like he went there much. They might have been his dads bound Beano collection….)
She was amazed that she had never noticed it before. He was just so brave, so couroagoues, so…. Domineering. Allt hat greasy hair, unwarranted cruelty to children and awful teeth surely just ahd to be a front for he the generous, kind, sexually athletic man beneath.
Yet he didn’t want her.
This was epcecvially ahrd for Hermione to understand as erv eryone wanted her. Why, since the very first book people had always wanted to be her firend. She didtichly remembered Ron saying “Honeslt,y she’s a dream. No wonder she has so many friends…” just before the troll attack had left her with mild concussion and an artfully torn blouse.
It only made her want him more.
Deciding that dressing like even more of a slut that ususal qwould only help the cause, she pulled out her wand and started a series of complicated clothing transfigurations that Professor Mcgonalgall liked to teach all her students. Why tuern a hedgehog into a pin cushion when you can teach kids to turn potatrio sacks into floor length satic ball gowns all studded with diamonte? Not that this was what Hermione was going for tonight, oh no. that would look like she was truingt o hard. First up, she transfigured her bra from gryffinsdior red to a slytherin, emerald green, as a heavily coded message that severus was sure to understand because he was nearly as clever as her. She wasted hours just thinking of the all the intelligent conversation thwy could have, using wordsl like fiduciary, metamorphic, polymonosybillic and antidisestablismentarianism. Oh yes. It was especially charming as everyone else she knew communicated by grunts.
Except wehen Ron had said that nice thing about her being dreamy.
Or when prof lupin had called her the brighteret witch of her age. Although considering there are only about five other girls in her year thst rowling bothered to name, one of whom was Lavender Brown, this might not have beens as big a complement as she had first thoguth.
But I digress.
She then spelled the bra to open at the front becfaue, clever as snapoe was, he was still a boy and they can be easiely discouraged by something as complex as bra hooks.
Her blouse was charmed to a[[eared see-through, her skirt rasied another inch, and her sensible Mary Janes (which I’ve enebver actually encountered outside of fanfic, but fondly imaging to be the t-cross shoes so beloeved of primary school kids) grew heels six inches high.
It made walking slightly difficult, but it was worth it fore the sense of self worth it bestowed on her.
Looking at her refelction, Hermione had to concede, she was a sexy woman. And, thanks to some bad maths involving a time turner, hse was legally a woman. Ayt twenty one she was legal everywhwere, which would mean that whats he planned woth her potions master that night was not at all squicky and could in no way be seen as statutory rape in a court of law.
Snape was working on a world saving potion when he heard the knock at his door. Leaving his permentaty cure for lycanthrophy - which he was developing for free, since he’s such a stand up guy and had come to realise that werewolves weren’t hideaous beasties, but real people suffering from real afflicyions, strugglinh to make ends meet in an uncaring world - on a low simmer and went to investigate.
When he opened the dloor he could not beleiove the stunning visions of womanhood standing ebfore him. He had alwsys known that granger was special - all the visicuos taunting had just been a rouse, after all. He had marvelled at her brilliant mind, had watched spellbound as she had transformed from awkward girl to lovely young woman - he’[d especially liked her in the third movie when her tits ahd begun to show - but nothing cvould have prepared him for seeing her now in all her radiant glory.
His cock was already so hard it was painful.
Uhuh.
She sashayed into the room, her eyes falling on the cauldron. She sniffed. “Powdwered doxy droppings?” she questioned. “is this some sort of permemnyt cure for lycanthropy? But it hought they said it could never be done?”
“It can’t, for mere mortals.” Snape explained. “Not only am I a staggering genius, in a brooding, Byroinc sort of way, but I’m also a vampiure. Which convemeitly explains why I hated lupin rather than me just being a petty bastard who bears a grudge”.
“A vampire?” Hermione gasped, both fearful and oddly aroused. “do you have me intyour thrall? Does that erxplain this non-canon desrires I’m having?”
“You want me?” Snape’s heart swelled almosta s painfully as his cock. Never had a woman wanted him ffor himself ebfore. It was always been his vampiriness, or his association with voldemeort, or his impressive vocabulary they had wanted ebrfro.
“More than anything,” she replied, unbuttoning her shirt. “I want… I want you to be my first!”
Snape cpould have died and gone to heaven, which incidenetalyy is where he would be now if JK had her way, but then there wouldn’t have been much of story. I have an open mind but smut involving a dead Snape is just taking it too far. A beautiful young virgin was offering ehrslf to him whole hea\rtedly. Without a word, he drew her close so she could feel his turgid member pressing against the placet of his trousers.
Hee! Turgid!
“And I you,” he confessed, leaning down #(despite her six inch heels, she still only came to his chest, but again, there’s nothing odd or channish here). He cxapture her lips in a seering kiss, before teasing them apart so that he could insinuate his long (barbed) tongue inside the hot cavern of her mouth.
They kissed with a fervour that ;eft them breathless.
“It’s no good,” snape moaned, “I wanted to take this slowly but I have to have you now!”
“Yes!” cried ehermione, who, like all virgins , was incredibly eager and not at all nervous about being deflowered by a man almost twice her age. “Take me now, you delcatabel piece of man candy!”
Aroused beyond all reason by her unusal turn of phrase, he torn his own clothes away. Buttons went flying as he ripped of his Oxofrd, button-down (cos it can never just be called a shirt) shirt. Hermine had the briedfest mostment to admire his alabaster skin, his rock hard abs, marred by the hideous scarring of a lifetime’s worth of torture (despite only having been adeath eater for like three years ebfore the first fall of voldemoty, having a cushty job as a teacher ever since).
“Oh!” she cried, kissing each and every one. “Youu are so beautoiufl! Your scars make me appreciate how very brave you are! I have absolute no concerns about he level of psychological scarring you may also have, and feel completely safe in entrusting you will my full emotional wellbeing. I love you!”
“Sweet girl,” he sighed. “never did I think I could deserve someone as beautiful, pure, intelligent or well read as your self. Well, there was that thing with harry’s mum, but seeing you here makes me realise that those years of devotion were just a misfired teenaged crush, best forgotten about. In hfact, she was a cold hearted bitch, and I learnt to hate her, just like I hate dumbeldore. Oh, and Ron is a douchebacg who never dsserved you.” He paused. “I’m sure there’s a reason whye the two of you aren’t tpgether? Did he want you tyo have children? Go to quidditch matches? The utter cunt.”
Declarations of passion aside, the ripped off each others remaining clothing, and got down to some serous fucking. As his over-sized, purple tinged manhood broke through her maidenhead Hermione felt the briefest, teeniest, little pinch but accepted the pain as a sign that she was now a woman. In fact, the pain turned her on more that anthign and she had to resist the urge to beg snape to spank her, because ethat doesn’t happen until chapter two when she discovers his dark past in the local s and m fetish scene and discovers her love of public sex and nipple clamps.
How she loved the feel of him insife her! It was like reading the biggest, driest book ever, but even more so! It was like using her disapproving tone everytime the boys wanted to sneal to the kitchens, or reminding everyone to use the honourific Professor twelve times a day. It was joy! It was bliss! Campaigning for house elf rights had never felt this good! She could feel every veined inch of his hot, rapacious cock, delving itno her sweet depths, pummelling her with his love pump until she howled her released intot he frigid air of the dungeons. The pulsing of her tight, slick channel was too much, and snape felt hismefl come inside her, jets of come shooting from his rigid penis.
Sweaty and sated, they collapsed in a heap agains the potions counter, scattering expensive ingredients with unlikely names in their wake.
“That was the most amazing thjing ever,” Hermione gasped. “But wait! We didn’t use any contraception!”
“Don’t worry,” snaoe replied, his usually stern features all dopy with bliss and sex. “I’m convientiently infertile. I’m not sure if it’s genetic, due to sa lifetime of torture, or simply authorial fiat, but I’m shooting blanks. Thanks for bringing it up though, as it allowes for some much needed character development.”
“How stoic!” Hermione trilled. “Now,, I know it’s only been three minutes, but do you think you might be ready to fuck me in the ass? From what I’ve read of fanfic, I’m going to enjoy it even more than regular sex!”
Normally, snape would never dream of using a woman he respected in such a way, but his treactuerous body way already starting to er betray him.
Thankfully, due to magic, there was no question of either party finding the experience uncomfortable or even a tad unhygienic. Nope. Snape whispered some clever charms that he had been saving for just such an occasion and prepared to fuck the little witch into the carpet.
Yes, the dundgeon is carpeted. It’s in all the books.
Before he could make that first delectable thrust, there came a banging and a crashing the like of ewhich hogarts hadn’t seen since…well, I suppose the FInasl Battle was worse, but ti was a big bloody crash. The door whipped open to reveal a hideous troll. Not the bored teenaged variety that surfs the interent looking for talented people to abuse by refusing the read pariings, ratings and warnings then being shocked and upset by the content and using this to justify leaving inflammatory remarks, but a real mountain troll.
“OMG but you are right bloody disgusting!” exclaimed the troll, in that right annoying way some people have of tryimg to write britglish. “that is so noit hot. Snape is dead for a start, even if we over look the fact that he is almost twice your age.” The lumbering beast tilted his head to the side. “although now he takes better care of himself I’ve noticed that his hair is not greasy, just really reaaly fine and shiny, and that he’s had his teeth fixed.”
“And isn’t his aquiline nose so noble?” Hermione prompoted. “and his skin…”
“like alababster.” The troll nodded. “Not sallow at all. actually, I take all back, you two are sexy as hell. Although don’t those norks make your back hurt?”
“I use a buoyancy charm,” Hermione explained. “else they’d be round my ankles. Anyway, may we continue?”
“Gi ahead,” the troll smiled. “in fact, do you mind if I watch?”
“You can join in if you like,” Hermione offered. “I’m looking to fit as many obscene acts into this story as possible.”
“Inter-species erotica?” the troll murmured.
“Why not?” Snape mused. “We’ll just add beast or creature-fic to the wanings then post the whole messing thing to AFFnet.”
The end.
Oh yeah, the challenge was Mary-Sue/Trolls.