fuckity fuck fuck you
as well that ends well. my friend, that did not end well at all. sooo, that means.. yeah. all is not well.
Never once did i ever complain about you being a drain on my energy. Never once did i say you complain too much, had too much drama, or that you were too much to deal with. Do you know why i never complained?
because i loved you unconditionally, and i made your problems my problems, so to speak. if you hurt, i hurt, and that was perfectly fine with me. we were the greatest of friends, you had helped me through so much, and i had helped you.
my question is, when did you stop caring? you're always telling me Jenn, you gotta do you for a change. well, shit, that's exactly what im doing now. and while i was helping you through your never ending issues, i never one heard you complain about giving too much to you. but when it comes time to give to someone else, or to myself even, you switch gears and decide that im some sort of selfish asshole, talking down about all my friends, saying they'll fuck me over in a heart beat. you think you're no different?
but you know what? it truly is ok. i had my moments when i was upset that you couldnt/didnt want to be there for me, but after some careful introspection, i realize, well shit, maybe you just dont have anything left to give. quite frankly, i dont either, so when i walk a mile in your shoes, it makes sense. im fine with that. yes, i resent that you cant help me out because i feel like ive done so much for you, and i so am in need of a dear friend, but im accepting of the fact that maybe you're not it right now. thats ok. why cant you do the same for me, dammit?
you bitch and bitch and bitch some more about the friends that drain you, they all suck you dry. well, i can take a hint. and surely, i did. i dont call you anymore, unless im in the most perfect of moods, which i must say, sucks for me because i thought we were more than just a superficial hang out. but i dont want to drag you down with my issues and sorrows, so i dont tell you about them. which means by the way, that im NOT going to fucking ask you how your day is if you're not willing to hear about mine. you say im selfish, well yes. in this case i am. but pot, you're calling the kettle black.
how in the fuck can you expect me to give something you aren't capable of giving?
get off your high horse for one minute and realize we are in the same fucking boat.im too used up and torn and lost right now to be able to "be there" for you, wherever that may be, and i do understand that the same goes for you.this is why im keeping to myself. in case you havnt realized, and i know you havent, but i dont ask any favors of you anymore. i dont look to you for comfort or ask questions or even to vent about my day. but you, you've been too consumed with yourself and your ego to realize that this has been the case for weeks now. took you long enough to miss me, didnt it? shit, ive been a complete wreck for months actually, but let me ask you, can you list even two things that have been bothering me these past few months? and the first one is an obvious no brainer. no, i dont suppose you can. . you really need to do some thinking about that. no, i haven't been the best of friends lately, but honey, you havent been a peach either. at least i give a fuck if your crying, whereas you just criticize or ignore me, or make me feel stupid for even being upset.
and as far as you not knowing who i am anymore.
well shit, i dont even know the answer to that question. i am undoubtedly, me. but who is that? im not the passive quiet, ever patient pushover anymore, true. im not the jenn that sits and listens to you scream, rant, and rave, and then tell you, "oh no dear, it's quite alright" when its all over. fuck that. you act like an asshole around me, and not expect me to say something in return? you can get out of my face with that because this doormat has retired. if im trying to have an honest conversation with you, and you roll your eyes and then mock me, saying poor poor jenn, well fuck you. get out of my house. poor poor fucking you, who perpetually wonders why it is that she cant keep a friend. well, this is why.. the pushover-me that you once knew and loved has blossomed into a bitchier, like-you version. oh, and i have you to thank for that by the way. sucks, don't it?
and the shittiest thing of all? i still love you. even if you are embarrassed of me. how fucked up is that. never did i think someone would be embarrassed of me, let alone be best friends with them. i thought i had more self respect. i know better now.
what the fuck do you call a best friend that you cant depend on for emotional spport, who ridicules you when you cry, and who doesnt give a damn about your feelings? i call that.. you. what the hell happened, and where did you go? was i a fool all this time, have you always been this selfish? i think i know the answers to those questions, and quite frankly, im tired of asking them.
Never once did i ever complain about you being a drain on my energy. Never once did i say you complain too much, had too much drama, or that you were too much to deal with. Do you know why i never complained?
because i loved you unconditionally, and i made your problems my problems, so to speak. if you hurt, i hurt, and that was perfectly fine with me. we were the greatest of friends, you had helped me through so much, and i had helped you.
my question is, when did you stop caring? you're always telling me Jenn, you gotta do you for a change. well, shit, that's exactly what im doing now. and while i was helping you through your never ending issues, i never one heard you complain about giving too much to you. but when it comes time to give to someone else, or to myself even, you switch gears and decide that im some sort of selfish asshole, talking down about all my friends, saying they'll fuck me over in a heart beat. you think you're no different?
but you know what? it truly is ok. i had my moments when i was upset that you couldnt/didnt want to be there for me, but after some careful introspection, i realize, well shit, maybe you just dont have anything left to give. quite frankly, i dont either, so when i walk a mile in your shoes, it makes sense. im fine with that. yes, i resent that you cant help me out because i feel like ive done so much for you, and i so am in need of a dear friend, but im accepting of the fact that maybe you're not it right now. thats ok. why cant you do the same for me, dammit?
you bitch and bitch and bitch some more about the friends that drain you, they all suck you dry. well, i can take a hint. and surely, i did. i dont call you anymore, unless im in the most perfect of moods, which i must say, sucks for me because i thought we were more than just a superficial hang out. but i dont want to drag you down with my issues and sorrows, so i dont tell you about them. which means by the way, that im NOT going to fucking ask you how your day is if you're not willing to hear about mine. you say im selfish, well yes. in this case i am. but pot, you're calling the kettle black.
how in the fuck can you expect me to give something you aren't capable of giving?
get off your high horse for one minute and realize we are in the same fucking boat.im too used up and torn and lost right now to be able to "be there" for you, wherever that may be, and i do understand that the same goes for you.this is why im keeping to myself. in case you havnt realized, and i know you havent, but i dont ask any favors of you anymore. i dont look to you for comfort or ask questions or even to vent about my day. but you, you've been too consumed with yourself and your ego to realize that this has been the case for weeks now. took you long enough to miss me, didnt it? shit, ive been a complete wreck for months actually, but let me ask you, can you list even two things that have been bothering me these past few months? and the first one is an obvious no brainer. no, i dont suppose you can. . you really need to do some thinking about that. no, i haven't been the best of friends lately, but honey, you havent been a peach either. at least i give a fuck if your crying, whereas you just criticize or ignore me, or make me feel stupid for even being upset.
and as far as you not knowing who i am anymore.
well shit, i dont even know the answer to that question. i am undoubtedly, me. but who is that? im not the passive quiet, ever patient pushover anymore, true. im not the jenn that sits and listens to you scream, rant, and rave, and then tell you, "oh no dear, it's quite alright" when its all over. fuck that. you act like an asshole around me, and not expect me to say something in return? you can get out of my face with that because this doormat has retired. if im trying to have an honest conversation with you, and you roll your eyes and then mock me, saying poor poor jenn, well fuck you. get out of my house. poor poor fucking you, who perpetually wonders why it is that she cant keep a friend. well, this is why.. the pushover-me that you once knew and loved has blossomed into a bitchier, like-you version. oh, and i have you to thank for that by the way. sucks, don't it?
and the shittiest thing of all? i still love you. even if you are embarrassed of me. how fucked up is that. never did i think someone would be embarrassed of me, let alone be best friends with them. i thought i had more self respect. i know better now.
what the fuck do you call a best friend that you cant depend on for emotional spport, who ridicules you when you cry, and who doesnt give a damn about your feelings? i call that.. you. what the hell happened, and where did you go? was i a fool all this time, have you always been this selfish? i think i know the answers to those questions, and quite frankly, im tired of asking them.