fizzy
I am struck today by a feeling of fizzy contentment. A happy sort of anticipation I was last acquainted with when I was in love and loved by Derek and possibly Marisol, and living in almost-the-heart of Los Angeles.
I can't think what could be causing it. I can only think back to why I've felt it before. It's the feeling I have when I know that which is most worthwhile, which makes me happiest is at home with me, not out in the world still waiting to be found. It's not a feeling you have when your life is free of problems but when you feel that what is essential to you is nearby, or at hand, that you're blessed with the utmost confidence that you have the means to resolve any further problems that may dare try to plague you.
I can't say I'm happy because the feeling is so profoundly puzzling, but it is *like* a happiness that is so strong, you could soar on the updraft indefinitely despite Mila ranting about her missing scissors and threatening bodily harm to the thief (which wasn't me).
It's not because of the cute Bookseller Drew whom I have no intention of engaging romantically for very pertinent reasons; nor is it because I'm seeing Ex Drew tonight for dinner downtown, although I am pleased to have his company and to try to help him forget his troubles for a space of time; and it certainly isn't because of Derek himself whom I'm not going to see any time soon and is nevertheless over 2,000 miles away with his wife and his new life.
I really can't think what it is. It's this growing feeling in my heart. This tremulous almost excitement that the world is, somehow, my oyster. Only love and the thrill of the big city combined has ever filled me with this sensation so I'm left at a total loss as to the cause.
I guess all that's left is to enjoy the rush while it lasts.
Edit: Maybe it's just Goldfrapp? Supernature *is* pretty awesome.
I can't think what could be causing it. I can only think back to why I've felt it before. It's the feeling I have when I know that which is most worthwhile, which makes me happiest is at home with me, not out in the world still waiting to be found. It's not a feeling you have when your life is free of problems but when you feel that what is essential to you is nearby, or at hand, that you're blessed with the utmost confidence that you have the means to resolve any further problems that may dare try to plague you.
I can't say I'm happy because the feeling is so profoundly puzzling, but it is *like* a happiness that is so strong, you could soar on the updraft indefinitely despite Mila ranting about her missing scissors and threatening bodily harm to the thief (which wasn't me).
It's not because of the cute Bookseller Drew whom I have no intention of engaging romantically for very pertinent reasons; nor is it because I'm seeing Ex Drew tonight for dinner downtown, although I am pleased to have his company and to try to help him forget his troubles for a space of time; and it certainly isn't because of Derek himself whom I'm not going to see any time soon and is nevertheless over 2,000 miles away with his wife and his new life.
I really can't think what it is. It's this growing feeling in my heart. This tremulous almost excitement that the world is, somehow, my oyster. Only love and the thrill of the big city combined has ever filled me with this sensation so I'm left at a total loss as to the cause.
I guess all that's left is to enjoy the rush while it lasts.
Edit: Maybe it's just Goldfrapp? Supernature *is* pretty awesome.