Jul 22, 2010 22:42
For all the times i've been there - shame on me.
I'm so caught up in helping people and when i get a little bit frustrated its seems like everybody turns their back. Why? Because i'm a little emotional when i get upset?
Tonight i got mad at stephanie because she kept on karoking and my brother sat there for over two hours, headphones on just by himself. I don't bring him over here to be on his psp. I bring him over so that he can get out of the house and spend time with people. So instead, me and him sat on the couch for over two hours while she and marianne sang. They didn't offer him to play and i sang all of a song and a half. Now i'm pretty sure marianne doesn't want to be together because i am to mad of a person. So there i am.
I knew i shouldn't have got emotionally involved, and i did.
I knew i shouldn't have said the ily, and i did.
I knew i shouldn't have opened up a little bit, and i did.
But what sucks the most, is i knew i shouldn't have been honest. But i did that anyway.
So now here i am, all emotionally caught up simply because i didn't listen to my gut instinct. Now i get to go work seeing my was-then g/f's mom almost every damn time i work.
Her artwork is all over the store.
She made memories in me....
Why is it i ask myself, that i allow this stuff to happen?
Why can't i just let go and focus on something other than a person caring about me.
She liked me first, not the other way around. I knew it was a bad idea but still carried on anyways. I hate this feeling. This out in the open all alone bull. I'm not feeling lonely or vulnerable but its like as if i am staring back at myself and being so far ashamed. Why? All because i got a little upset that i simply sat around my house instead gaming with my brother. I'd like to think things aren't going to end up like i assumme but ha, what are the odds. I've been right every other time in the past, why stop now?
Then again, i'm sure i'm the cause. Everything i looked at and seen, sure it has to be me. I"m the problem, I did this.
But still here i am, feeling this way. And boy do i hate it.
I'd like to be able to call or talk to soemone. Oddly enough, the first person i looked to call was vickie. She listens, she cares, doesn't have much to say on the subject really other than i AM a jerk but still. Its someone to talk to. And right now, i don't feel anywhere near that. So much time spent trying to ensure someone they have a place to turn to. What about me?
Maybe i ask myself that question to much. Me...
I guess i'll stop listening. I'll stop caring, and i'll stop being there for people.
It'd be nice to just be able to have someone who really cares and is there for me.
Woops, had that. Lost it. Woo-hoo. go me.