Why?
So i've found a site that noone will remember. I can post on here all i want and I don't think anyone will ever find it. So heres where i'll start:
I screwed up.
More then I ever thought possible.
I've lost the most important thing to me i will ever have.....
I lost vickie, forever.
Vickie left me for good on September 26th 2009. It is right now April 27th, 2010.
I still miss her.
I still cry.
I still long to be with.
I still think about her every night when i lay down my head.
Shes all i ever wanted.
All i ever needed.
And now....
Shes never coming back.
I'm so ashamed of who i was.
I was going to marry her, i had planned to propose this year. Now she is pregnant and engaged.
I was supposed to be there with her for that.
We were supposed to spend forever together. VMDeternally. Thats what we said.
I miss I love you.
I miss everything about her, her smile, her laugh.
But most importantly, i miss the way she completed me. Noone has ever made me feel the way she did. Noone ever will. There is no possible way for someone to be in my heart like she is. We shared so much together. And i was to foolish to realize just how much i do love her.
If she were to read this, this is what i would say to her.
Vickie, i'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the times i hurt you. I'm sorry for who i was. Please know this: that wasn't the real me. I was afraid, i was to caught up in other things to show you I love you. I love you with every drop of my strength, every beat of my heart, every fiber of my being and every whisper of my soul. You were the only person to ever make me feel like i belonged somewhere, that i was needed, that i was loved and cared for. You were the best thing to ever happen to me.
But now,
you have gone on, you have begun a new life where i can only sit back and read comments online about how happy you are and what wonderful things are in store for you. I'm happy for you. I truly am. It hurts me so much to remember that, it should be me on those comments, in those pictures. I should be the one holding you, laughing with you, singing to your stomache to bond with the many years of joy and happiness developing there. Instead, i'm here without you. And i never thought something could hurt so bad.
Vickie Mae Nagy, you were the one for me. There is an untouched place in my heart where you will always remain. I will never forget you, as i think about you every day. You helped me believe you were my everything, and you are. Regaurdless of where you go, i will be somewhere thinking of you, wishing i could change what has happened and always, I will be loving you as sure as the sun will rise everyday, and as sure that there is breath in my body, i will always love you.
I screwed up.
More then I ever thought possible.
I've lost the most important thing to me i will ever have.....
I lost vickie, forever.
Vickie left me for good on September 26th 2009. It is right now April 27th, 2010.
I still miss her.
I still cry.
I still long to be with.
I still think about her every night when i lay down my head.
Shes all i ever wanted.
All i ever needed.
And now....
Shes never coming back.
I'm so ashamed of who i was.
I was going to marry her, i had planned to propose this year. Now she is pregnant and engaged.
I was supposed to be there with her for that.
We were supposed to spend forever together. VMDeternally. Thats what we said.
I miss I love you.
I miss everything about her, her smile, her laugh.
But most importantly, i miss the way she completed me. Noone has ever made me feel the way she did. Noone ever will. There is no possible way for someone to be in my heart like she is. We shared so much together. And i was to foolish to realize just how much i do love her.
If she were to read this, this is what i would say to her.
Vickie, i'm sorry. I'm sorry for all the times i hurt you. I'm sorry for who i was. Please know this: that wasn't the real me. I was afraid, i was to caught up in other things to show you I love you. I love you with every drop of my strength, every beat of my heart, every fiber of my being and every whisper of my soul. You were the only person to ever make me feel like i belonged somewhere, that i was needed, that i was loved and cared for. You were the best thing to ever happen to me.
But now,
you have gone on, you have begun a new life where i can only sit back and read comments online about how happy you are and what wonderful things are in store for you. I'm happy for you. I truly am. It hurts me so much to remember that, it should be me on those comments, in those pictures. I should be the one holding you, laughing with you, singing to your stomache to bond with the many years of joy and happiness developing there. Instead, i'm here without you. And i never thought something could hurt so bad.
Vickie Mae Nagy, you were the one for me. There is an untouched place in my heart where you will always remain. I will never forget you, as i think about you every day. You helped me believe you were my everything, and you are. Regaurdless of where you go, i will be somewhere thinking of you, wishing i could change what has happened and always, I will be loving you as sure as the sun will rise everyday, and as sure that there is breath in my body, i will always love you.