(no subject)
All B's. DAMNIT, DAMNIT. If my GPA keeps this trend of edging closer to 3.0 and away from 4.0 my chances of getting into A&M are ever slimmer.
So a few weeks ago I took my blood pressure, it was 179/90. This is approximately 60 points above normal, and 35 points above oh shit something's seriously wrong. Six years of smoking a pack a day and 12 of drinking approximately a gallon and a half of soda a day and I have at best developed severe health threatening issues and at worst a cornucopia of heart disease. Rachael advised cardio to bring it down, so after class one night I ran two laps around the school and had what I can only describe as the sudden feeling that my heart was being torn out of my chest with a pair of vice grips, it beat erratically with no discernible rhythm for about a minute and a half and then stopped, for about 15 seconds I sat holding my index and middle fingers over my throat waiting for a pulse that didn't come, I'm pretty sure that it may not have decided to beat again if I hadn't have been in a state of unrestrained terror, boosting my adrenaline and getting it to thump again. A few months ago I did something really stupid, resulting in a bad trip and imposing upon me some pretty terrifying things which I have since related to the cessation of self, the ultimate demise, the great annihilation of ego that is death, though what I saw was clearly not death because I am still quite alive,
I have since developed a far greater conceptual idea of what it is to die, and have been obsessed with comprehending that state of non-existence. What it bears down to is that I have made my peace with the great beyond, probably pissing gods off, and it's a good thing because if this is as bad as my hypochondria tells me it is then it's a fairly certain bet that my heart is going to do that thing that it did last time except not begin beating again sometime in the indeterminable future. I feel like by continuing my past habits on into my marriage I have let my wife down by risking my life and therefore her secure future, but hey, how was I to know caffeine, sugar and nicotine, when consumed at 50 times their lethal quantities, would be fatal. I'm also being dramatic, this may just be poor habits causing a rise in blood pressure which in turn are triggering arrhythmias and palpitations, not the gradual necrofying of my love muscle.
So I quit smoking and I cut down on soda and I'm trying to eat less salt, but the nicotine withdrawals are causing me to be pissed all the time which ironically is driving my blood pressure up, not down. Let it be known that even if you're as in shape as I am, eating the health equivalent of mayonnaise on cardboard all the time and setting fire to your lungs every 45 minutes will still kill you.
I may be having a "Jesse may or may not kick the bucket" grill off soon, probably before school begins again though not necessarily before I actually do, in fact, kick the bucket.
In other news, we went on a cruise for our honeymoon on our first anniversary, it was fucking amazing. Cozumel island is 90 degrees during the winter, and the water is actually blue, like cobalt blue, all of it, how bizarre.
So a few weeks ago I took my blood pressure, it was 179/90. This is approximately 60 points above normal, and 35 points above oh shit something's seriously wrong. Six years of smoking a pack a day and 12 of drinking approximately a gallon and a half of soda a day and I have at best developed severe health threatening issues and at worst a cornucopia of heart disease. Rachael advised cardio to bring it down, so after class one night I ran two laps around the school and had what I can only describe as the sudden feeling that my heart was being torn out of my chest with a pair of vice grips, it beat erratically with no discernible rhythm for about a minute and a half and then stopped, for about 15 seconds I sat holding my index and middle fingers over my throat waiting for a pulse that didn't come, I'm pretty sure that it may not have decided to beat again if I hadn't have been in a state of unrestrained terror, boosting my adrenaline and getting it to thump again. A few months ago I did something really stupid, resulting in a bad trip and imposing upon me some pretty terrifying things which I have since related to the cessation of self, the ultimate demise, the great annihilation of ego that is death, though what I saw was clearly not death because I am still quite alive,
I have since developed a far greater conceptual idea of what it is to die, and have been obsessed with comprehending that state of non-existence. What it bears down to is that I have made my peace with the great beyond, probably pissing gods off, and it's a good thing because if this is as bad as my hypochondria tells me it is then it's a fairly certain bet that my heart is going to do that thing that it did last time except not begin beating again sometime in the indeterminable future. I feel like by continuing my past habits on into my marriage I have let my wife down by risking my life and therefore her secure future, but hey, how was I to know caffeine, sugar and nicotine, when consumed at 50 times their lethal quantities, would be fatal. I'm also being dramatic, this may just be poor habits causing a rise in blood pressure which in turn are triggering arrhythmias and palpitations, not the gradual necrofying of my love muscle.
So I quit smoking and I cut down on soda and I'm trying to eat less salt, but the nicotine withdrawals are causing me to be pissed all the time which ironically is driving my blood pressure up, not down. Let it be known that even if you're as in shape as I am, eating the health equivalent of mayonnaise on cardboard all the time and setting fire to your lungs every 45 minutes will still kill you.
I may be having a "Jesse may or may not kick the bucket" grill off soon, probably before school begins again though not necessarily before I actually do, in fact, kick the bucket.
In other news, we went on a cruise for our honeymoon on our first anniversary, it was fucking amazing. Cozumel island is 90 degrees during the winter, and the water is actually blue, like cobalt blue, all of it, how bizarre.