Plan B
I hope you know, I hope you know
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've gotta get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
I need to be with myself and center
Clarity, peace, serenity
(Verses from Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry")
No worries friends. Space will be had.
At MY pace.
Yeah i'm still stuck on him. Yeah I still want him to be mine. But know what? TIME.
I love him. Will alway love him. And love evolves. My love is not a half-hearted love.
First.
A novelty, someone new, someone fascinating.
Second.
A confession. Familiarity, a closeness. Poor choice of words.
Third.
Taken, but still friends, a friend i will support through his hardships.
Fourth.
A chance! Mine, kind of. Happiness and encouragement. Taking for granted.
Fifth.
A new love? A second confession. Drama.
Sixth.
Lost. Rejected. But still friends? Plan A: Space.
Seventh.
Backfired. Friends again?
Eighth.
SMOTHER. Apparently. Enter Plan B.
Friends?
I certainly hope so.
Right now, I still wish to be friends. I accept his love for me is not able to move beyond friendship right now. I ACCEPT.
Of course my actions may not show it.
But shitting takes time.
I'm trying my darndest to figure out what to do, to do what I can.
A few words. A little kindness. A little thank you. That can go along way.
Some instructions or guidance or indication of anything from him would be helpful too. Other than stress and "LET GO I DON'T WANT YOU".
I hear you loud and clear beloved. Loud. And. Clear. Thanks.
I don't and won't expect anything.
But what do YOU want?
I know that things will work themselves. I am optimistic. I will not deny it if you ask me the question.
My love is selfish? Well, sure. It can be. But it isn't just that. That last note you wrote, it stung. Not because it was or wasn't true. But because it told me a lot about what you thought of me, what you think of me. You said I was forgetting you. No, actually, you were the only thoughts that filled my head. Still are. Yes, I was mopey before, but i'm not mopey forever.
Just right now. Right now. I am tired. I was depressed. I was angry. I was bitter. I was selfish. I am all that.
But I also have patience. I believe that i can be generous. I believe that I can be kind. That I can be little selfless. That I am accepting. That I have tolerance.
But sometimes it's not enough to be the only one who believes in yourself.
I believe in you. I believe in him.
I trust in you. I trust in him.
I believe in people.
I believe in change.
I believe that people can change.
Yeah, i'm still going to get kinda depressed when i think of you and her together. Yeah, i'm still going to get kinda depressed when i see you two together.
I'm not sure if the words i'm spewing are really making any connection or sense to each other anymore.
I feel kinda like I'm just bitching and ranting. But you know what? It's been a while since I've ranted, and I don't rant often because I try not to let things get to me. But a bottle can only hold so much.
I still love him.
I still want him.
I have accepted that we are only able to be friends.
But it seems that he and other people can't get past my "I still want him."
But read it all. Loud and clear. I accept.
It's okay if he has come to "I love her. I still love her. I still want her. I accept we are only able to be friends."
It's okay if she has come to "I love him. I still love him. I still want him. I accept we are only able to be friends."
But when i say it. There is no trust. There is no faith. There is NOTHING but "She is a boy crazy lustful selfish promiscuous lying little brat who only thinks of herself and her one-sided love ideas".
Thanks. Very much. I thank you. Really.
I am not as boy crazy as i seem to be. I have more guy friends than girl friends because I'm able to talk to them better somehow. I was rather shunned from both genders when I was young, and it wasn't until highschool that i found that i could be charming enough to make friends finally albeit more boys than girls but still. It's usual. And I have NOT slept with most of them or the majority or whatever of the guy friends I have.
Yeah, I have a history of guys. Yeah, it's kind of intimidating.
But it's a part of who I am.
Friends accept friends for who they are, not what they've done.
I'm not demanding that you understand.
I'm only hoping that you try.
Yes I've said hurtful words.
Words that have cause you to hold back from letting anything between develop to more than friends.
Words that you've been unable to let go from the back of your mind and making you act this way. Unintentional or Intentional.
I'm sorry. From the depths of my heart, I apologize.
I'm sorry I was annoying. I'm sorry I still am. I'm sorry I hurt you from hurting myself, I'm sorry I hurt her, I'm sorry you're stressed, I'm sorry we can only speak indirectly through journal/note posts and song lyrics, I'm sorry I stayed in your bed, i'm sorry I stayed in your room, I'm sorry for putting pressure on you, I'm sorry for not being able to remember details, I'm sorry for distorting details in my memory, I'm sorry I got you sick, I'm sorry I left the pot of soup on the stove, I'm sorry our taste in music isnt quite the same, I'm sorry we don't quite like the same shows, I'm sorry I leave my stuff in your room, I'm sorry my music is so loud, I'm sorry about your job, I'm sorry Fitts keeps bugging you, I'm sorry Quibella kept escaping, I'm sorry for the money problems, I'm sorry it's hard for you to even smile around me, I'm sorry I can't do anything to make you happy, I'm sorry for trying so hard, I'm sorry you're trying so hard, I'm sorry I push you to do what you don't want, i'm sorry you couldn't stop me, I'm sorry you couldn't say no, I'm sorry you're angry, I'm sorry i text you, I'm sorry I don't text you, I'm sorry about him, I'm sorry I get petty, I'm sorry I get bratty, I'm sorry i'm passive aggressive in disagreements, I'm sorry we argued, I'm sorry you're in such a bad mood, I'm sorry that i can't do anything about it, I'm sorry i said it would only be short term, I'm sorry i'm stuck on you, I'm sorry you're stuck on her, I'm sorry this whole situation is messed up, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't say it enough, I'm sorry I borrowed those last words from you note.
But one thing i'm not sorry for, is that I love you.
I can't think of anything more to say now other than what I have thought of to do for this "Plan B":
* Space. Separate rooms.
* Continue with food and utilities arrangement
* Spend more time with friends and out of apt. No lovers.
* Be happy.
I have decided to make travel plans for in the not so near future =)
Who wants a visit from yours truly?
I'm thinking the States or overseas for a week or two or something. It's been a while since I've traveled. Cowtown doesn't QUITE count but is probably more affordable than the other two.
That this has nothing to do with you
It's personal, myself and I
We've got some straightening out to do
And I'm gonna miss you like a child misses their blanket
But I've gotta get a move on with my life
It's time to be a big girl now
And big girls don't cry
Don't cry, don't cry, don't cry
I need to be with myself and center
Clarity, peace, serenity
(Verses from Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry")
No worries friends. Space will be had.
At MY pace.
Yeah i'm still stuck on him. Yeah I still want him to be mine. But know what? TIME.
I love him. Will alway love him. And love evolves. My love is not a half-hearted love.
First.
A novelty, someone new, someone fascinating.
Second.
A confession. Familiarity, a closeness. Poor choice of words.
Third.
Taken, but still friends, a friend i will support through his hardships.
Fourth.
A chance! Mine, kind of. Happiness and encouragement. Taking for granted.
Fifth.
A new love? A second confession. Drama.
Sixth.
Lost. Rejected. But still friends? Plan A: Space.
Seventh.
Backfired. Friends again?
Eighth.
SMOTHER. Apparently. Enter Plan B.
Friends?
I certainly hope so.
Right now, I still wish to be friends. I accept his love for me is not able to move beyond friendship right now. I ACCEPT.
Of course my actions may not show it.
But shitting takes time.
I'm trying my darndest to figure out what to do, to do what I can.
A few words. A little kindness. A little thank you. That can go along way.
Some instructions or guidance or indication of anything from him would be helpful too. Other than stress and "LET GO I DON'T WANT YOU".
I hear you loud and clear beloved. Loud. And. Clear. Thanks.
I don't and won't expect anything.
But what do YOU want?
I know that things will work themselves. I am optimistic. I will not deny it if you ask me the question.
My love is selfish? Well, sure. It can be. But it isn't just that. That last note you wrote, it stung. Not because it was or wasn't true. But because it told me a lot about what you thought of me, what you think of me. You said I was forgetting you. No, actually, you were the only thoughts that filled my head. Still are. Yes, I was mopey before, but i'm not mopey forever.
Just right now. Right now. I am tired. I was depressed. I was angry. I was bitter. I was selfish. I am all that.
But I also have patience. I believe that i can be generous. I believe that I can be kind. That I can be little selfless. That I am accepting. That I have tolerance.
But sometimes it's not enough to be the only one who believes in yourself.
I believe in you. I believe in him.
I trust in you. I trust in him.
I believe in people.
I believe in change.
I believe that people can change.
Yeah, i'm still going to get kinda depressed when i think of you and her together. Yeah, i'm still going to get kinda depressed when i see you two together.
I'm not sure if the words i'm spewing are really making any connection or sense to each other anymore.
I feel kinda like I'm just bitching and ranting. But you know what? It's been a while since I've ranted, and I don't rant often because I try not to let things get to me. But a bottle can only hold so much.
I still love him.
I still want him.
I have accepted that we are only able to be friends.
But it seems that he and other people can't get past my "I still want him."
But read it all. Loud and clear. I accept.
It's okay if he has come to "I love her. I still love her. I still want her. I accept we are only able to be friends."
It's okay if she has come to "I love him. I still love him. I still want him. I accept we are only able to be friends."
But when i say it. There is no trust. There is no faith. There is NOTHING but "She is a boy crazy lustful selfish promiscuous lying little brat who only thinks of herself and her one-sided love ideas".
Thanks. Very much. I thank you. Really.
I am not as boy crazy as i seem to be. I have more guy friends than girl friends because I'm able to talk to them better somehow. I was rather shunned from both genders when I was young, and it wasn't until highschool that i found that i could be charming enough to make friends finally albeit more boys than girls but still. It's usual. And I have NOT slept with most of them or the majority or whatever of the guy friends I have.
Yeah, I have a history of guys. Yeah, it's kind of intimidating.
But it's a part of who I am.
Friends accept friends for who they are, not what they've done.
I'm not demanding that you understand.
I'm only hoping that you try.
Yes I've said hurtful words.
Words that have cause you to hold back from letting anything between develop to more than friends.
Words that you've been unable to let go from the back of your mind and making you act this way. Unintentional or Intentional.
I'm sorry. From the depths of my heart, I apologize.
I'm sorry I was annoying. I'm sorry I still am. I'm sorry I hurt you from hurting myself, I'm sorry I hurt her, I'm sorry you're stressed, I'm sorry we can only speak indirectly through journal/note posts and song lyrics, I'm sorry I stayed in your bed, i'm sorry I stayed in your room, I'm sorry for putting pressure on you, I'm sorry for not being able to remember details, I'm sorry for distorting details in my memory, I'm sorry I got you sick, I'm sorry I left the pot of soup on the stove, I'm sorry our taste in music isnt quite the same, I'm sorry we don't quite like the same shows, I'm sorry I leave my stuff in your room, I'm sorry my music is so loud, I'm sorry about your job, I'm sorry Fitts keeps bugging you, I'm sorry Quibella kept escaping, I'm sorry for the money problems, I'm sorry it's hard for you to even smile around me, I'm sorry I can't do anything to make you happy, I'm sorry for trying so hard, I'm sorry you're trying so hard, I'm sorry I push you to do what you don't want, i'm sorry you couldn't stop me, I'm sorry you couldn't say no, I'm sorry you're angry, I'm sorry i text you, I'm sorry I don't text you, I'm sorry about him, I'm sorry I get petty, I'm sorry I get bratty, I'm sorry i'm passive aggressive in disagreements, I'm sorry we argued, I'm sorry you're in such a bad mood, I'm sorry that i can't do anything about it, I'm sorry i said it would only be short term, I'm sorry i'm stuck on you, I'm sorry you're stuck on her, I'm sorry this whole situation is messed up, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't say it enough, I'm sorry I borrowed those last words from you note.
But one thing i'm not sorry for, is that I love you.
I can't think of anything more to say now other than what I have thought of to do for this "Plan B":
* Space. Separate rooms.
* Continue with food and utilities arrangement
* Spend more time with friends and out of apt. No lovers.
* Be happy.
I have decided to make travel plans for in the not so near future =)
Who wants a visit from yours truly?
I'm thinking the States or overseas for a week or two or something. It's been a while since I've traveled. Cowtown doesn't QUITE count but is probably more affordable than the other two.