(no subject)
And so, the yuletide reveal is up and I wrote (drum-roll please): Tea and Biscuits, a Swallows and Amazons fic featuring the friendship of Molly Blackett and Mary Walker, written for janet_carter.
The reveal will come as a surprise to no one, I'm sure, seeing as how it's the only S&A fic in Yuletide I didn't comment on; but it certainly came as a surprise to me. I've spent the last week getting quite a few comments on the story - more than I expected - saying that it was very poignant and sad and that it made people cry.
They were lovely comments and I am genuinely grateful for each and every one* - but they were honestly a huge shock to me.
I don't actually remember writing a sad story, as stupid as that sounds. I didn't think I could write a sad story. The quickest glance through everything I've ever written, finished or unfinished, will prove that I write fluffy, silly stories, full of sarcasm and - hopefully - humour. I have tried to write serious, poignant stories in the past and always failed miserably.
Let me explain...
When I got the prompt I was very happy - I had offered about 15 fandoms but was hoping very much to get Swallows and Amazons so was thrilled when I did. The request was also a good one (thanks, Janet!), asking for fic about the mothers but fairly open as to the details. So my first thought was to write a series of scenes set during the books, just conversations between the mothers while their children were off adventuring.
But my fingers ran away with me as they often do, and when I actually got down to the meat of the writing (a little too close to the deadline if I'm honest), I ended up going a lot further, through the characters lives. The scene with Molly beginning to get confused pretty much wrote itself; and once I had written that, the next two scenes seemed the logical progression.
Since the fic at this point was getting insanely, monstrously long - and I wasn't writing the scenes in order but depending what mood I was in - I decided to go through and cut all the planned and half-written scenes that didn't seem to actually add anything or say anything new. (There were many more bits of the two Marys sitting on the Beckfoot lawn drinking tea, but trust me, they were very repetitive.)
I don't regret cutting these, as no one would have got a third of the way through the fic without giving up in boredom if I hadn't. However, what I somehow failed to notice - because I'm an eejit - is that I was cutting all of the happy scenes and keeping all of the really, really depressing ones. In my head, I was still writing a fluffy, happy, if slightly bittersweet story of friendship, when what I was actually writing was a super-angsty, depressing tearjerker.
(And yes, I am exaggerating for comic effect. It wasn't that sad, and I do get that the relevant comments were compliments!)
Anyway, I finished the fic very, very close to the deadline - and we're talking hours, not days - and a non-fandom friend of mine did a quick beta for spelling, grammar and historical accuracy. She made no general comments on the story and I then uploaded it, still thinking of the fic as the sweet end of bittersweet rather than the bitter.
Then came the comments; and after the third comment claiming the story had made them cry, I went 'hmm...there's something a bit odd here', and went and actually read the story from start to finish, objectively, and discovered that it is a bit sad, actually. Oops.
So there's a little - and possibly scary - look into the tortured workings of my mind. Yes, I am perfectly capable of writing something and not having the faintest idea what I've written. Look on that and weep. ;)
I am still fairly proud of the story though, and I hope it fulfilled the original request and was enjoyed by the recipient, which is the main thing. I do have one regret, however; I wrote a pretty long scene between Mary, Molly and Ted at John and Nancy's wedding that I really liked, and on reflection, I probably should have left it in. I cut it for length, because it didn't really add anything new, and because I suspected that there are a few people out there who are maybe not quite so convinced of John/Nancy as I am. I may make it longer and post it one day as a standalone fic instead.
For anyone interested, I do know quite a bit about Alzheimer's and dementia; apart from a more personal experience I don't really want to get into, I studied it at university and worked for three years in a nursing home. I think that's partly why I didn't realise people might find it sad - for me, it's become almost the inevitable effect of a long life. Which, granted, is more my issue than anyone else's!
Thank you very much also to globalfruitbat, who wrote the lovely One Captain and One Admiral for me, which I completely forgot to link in my last post because, once again, I'm an eejit.
* I do intend to reply to all of the comments I got, but if you left one of the ones that didn't get emailed to me and I can't find your email address through detective work, please take this as a heartfelt thank you. I really did appreciate every one!
The reveal will come as a surprise to no one, I'm sure, seeing as how it's the only S&A fic in Yuletide I didn't comment on; but it certainly came as a surprise to me. I've spent the last week getting quite a few comments on the story - more than I expected - saying that it was very poignant and sad and that it made people cry.
They were lovely comments and I am genuinely grateful for each and every one* - but they were honestly a huge shock to me.
I don't actually remember writing a sad story, as stupid as that sounds. I didn't think I could write a sad story. The quickest glance through everything I've ever written, finished or unfinished, will prove that I write fluffy, silly stories, full of sarcasm and - hopefully - humour. I have tried to write serious, poignant stories in the past and always failed miserably.
Let me explain...
When I got the prompt I was very happy - I had offered about 15 fandoms but was hoping very much to get Swallows and Amazons so was thrilled when I did. The request was also a good one (thanks, Janet!), asking for fic about the mothers but fairly open as to the details. So my first thought was to write a series of scenes set during the books, just conversations between the mothers while their children were off adventuring.
But my fingers ran away with me as they often do, and when I actually got down to the meat of the writing (a little too close to the deadline if I'm honest), I ended up going a lot further, through the characters lives. The scene with Molly beginning to get confused pretty much wrote itself; and once I had written that, the next two scenes seemed the logical progression.
Since the fic at this point was getting insanely, monstrously long - and I wasn't writing the scenes in order but depending what mood I was in - I decided to go through and cut all the planned and half-written scenes that didn't seem to actually add anything or say anything new. (There were many more bits of the two Marys sitting on the Beckfoot lawn drinking tea, but trust me, they were very repetitive.)
I don't regret cutting these, as no one would have got a third of the way through the fic without giving up in boredom if I hadn't. However, what I somehow failed to notice - because I'm an eejit - is that I was cutting all of the happy scenes and keeping all of the really, really depressing ones. In my head, I was still writing a fluffy, happy, if slightly bittersweet story of friendship, when what I was actually writing was a super-angsty, depressing tearjerker.
(And yes, I am exaggerating for comic effect. It wasn't that sad, and I do get that the relevant comments were compliments!)
Anyway, I finished the fic very, very close to the deadline - and we're talking hours, not days - and a non-fandom friend of mine did a quick beta for spelling, grammar and historical accuracy. She made no general comments on the story and I then uploaded it, still thinking of the fic as the sweet end of bittersweet rather than the bitter.
Then came the comments; and after the third comment claiming the story had made them cry, I went 'hmm...there's something a bit odd here', and went and actually read the story from start to finish, objectively, and discovered that it is a bit sad, actually. Oops.
So there's a little - and possibly scary - look into the tortured workings of my mind. Yes, I am perfectly capable of writing something and not having the faintest idea what I've written. Look on that and weep. ;)
I am still fairly proud of the story though, and I hope it fulfilled the original request and was enjoyed by the recipient, which is the main thing. I do have one regret, however; I wrote a pretty long scene between Mary, Molly and Ted at John and Nancy's wedding that I really liked, and on reflection, I probably should have left it in. I cut it for length, because it didn't really add anything new, and because I suspected that there are a few people out there who are maybe not quite so convinced of John/Nancy as I am. I may make it longer and post it one day as a standalone fic instead.
For anyone interested, I do know quite a bit about Alzheimer's and dementia; apart from a more personal experience I don't really want to get into, I studied it at university and worked for three years in a nursing home. I think that's partly why I didn't realise people might find it sad - for me, it's become almost the inevitable effect of a long life. Which, granted, is more my issue than anyone else's!
Thank you very much also to globalfruitbat, who wrote the lovely One Captain and One Admiral for me, which I completely forgot to link in my last post because, once again, I'm an eejit.
* I do intend to reply to all of the comments I got, but if you left one of the ones that didn't get emailed to me and I can't find your email address through detective work, please take this as a heartfelt thank you. I really did appreciate every one!