(no subject)
note to self: stop being so fucking hypocritical.
i'm in a really bad mood right now. idk if it's more of a pissed off or upset or annoyed or lonely mood but it fuckin blows. i hate not having a best friend up here. its the hardest thing .and i hate that my best friend in boynton is being so fucking stupid. and i hate that my fucking best friend in orlando is loving life with out me. but i esp hate that my best best best best friend, little bro, derek, has a life besides missing me. or maybe i hate the fact that my mom doesnt even have time to talk to me on the phone for ten fucking mins the most.
actually, what i hate right now is when you hang out with people because you know theyll be doing what you wanna do and you dont have anyone else to hang out with. it'd dumb. but whats worse is when they ask you to be dd, so you act all responsible and fucking stay sober, and then when you go to leave they ask for their keys back and want to drive. really? then why the fuck did i stay sober? why is everyone in the car fucking slurring their words, even you miss driver, and i fucking had four beers. not cool. and then the next parties weird as fuck and i have like nobody to talk to the whole time. so im back in my dorm room at fuckin 1:30m on a friday night.
i guess what im really mad about is how i go about life and not letting guys into it and not caring about them. i want a boyfriend. i want to be in love. i want to know somebody cares. i want to be able to bitch to someone who will at least pretend their listening. i want to be able to cry in front of somebody who will let me get it out and then cheer me up right after. i want to know that somebodys thinking about me while im thinking about them. i just want to know that somebody fucking cares.
i am a god damn mess.
i'm in a really bad mood right now. idk if it's more of a pissed off or upset or annoyed or lonely mood but it fuckin blows. i hate not having a best friend up here. its the hardest thing .and i hate that my best friend in boynton is being so fucking stupid. and i hate that my fucking best friend in orlando is loving life with out me. but i esp hate that my best best best best friend, little bro, derek, has a life besides missing me. or maybe i hate the fact that my mom doesnt even have time to talk to me on the phone for ten fucking mins the most.
actually, what i hate right now is when you hang out with people because you know theyll be doing what you wanna do and you dont have anyone else to hang out with. it'd dumb. but whats worse is when they ask you to be dd, so you act all responsible and fucking stay sober, and then when you go to leave they ask for their keys back and want to drive. really? then why the fuck did i stay sober? why is everyone in the car fucking slurring their words, even you miss driver, and i fucking had four beers. not cool. and then the next parties weird as fuck and i have like nobody to talk to the whole time. so im back in my dorm room at fuckin 1:30m on a friday night.
i guess what im really mad about is how i go about life and not letting guys into it and not caring about them. i want a boyfriend. i want to be in love. i want to know somebody cares. i want to be able to bitch to someone who will at least pretend their listening. i want to be able to cry in front of somebody who will let me get it out and then cheer me up right after. i want to know that somebodys thinking about me while im thinking about them. i just want to know that somebody fucking cares.
i am a god damn mess.