(no subject)
no wonder people dont live off of mcdonalds, cola, cigs, and kix cereal; esp when they decide to take adderall at like 7:30 at night.
i feel like such shit.
this whole week has been kinda weird for me. and i havnt done this in a long time, i know its kinda annoying, but it just helps me and i like to do it, and i cant sleep right now and now that i got to writing this i am determined to get out everything i want to say(stupid adderall, wish you would work like this for my paper). nobody reads my bitching anymore anyways. lolz.
lets begin last last weekend(ish).
thursday november sixth: i had spent the past weekend back home, for court the 30th, not really doing much, sorta taking it easy, smokin, getting my hair done, smokin, goin to a pv game, drinkin, sitting at sonic, going to the beach, etc. apparently missed a lot up here. hadnt talked to/seen brendon since the monday before i went home, so.... the 27th. he texts me asking about my plans for the night, if i know of any parties, blahblahblahblah. i answer no and ask why theyre not doing anything at their place. he says they might, he'll let me know. 10ish tuna calls me asking if im going to brendons. i say i didnt know they were doing anything and i dont think i want to go cuz brendon said hed let me know if they did and he didnt so he prob doesnt want me there or something. tuna explains that hes the one dropping the keg, and brendon prob just forgot to tell me. i pass on the ride cuz im doing something else anyways. 11ish alia convinces me to go. alia, jessica, matt, alisha and i ride out. i am nervous and begin like chugging when we get there. i get hammered. and for the first time everrrrr dont spend the night. his face when i said bye made my night.
friday november seventh: i wake up, shower, and throw the fuck up. i have the worst hangover. i drag my idiot ass to math to fail a quiz. i sleep all afternoon. friday night we plan to go to this huge party by the beach. mtv's filming at zoes for 'real life: i go to school, have a job, and can still party' or some shit like that so hes got six kegs. the girls buy a bottle to pregame. i get high. our few options for drivers/vehicles to go to the party get fucked up to the point of not wanting to even go to the party. alisha and i go see a live band on the green. alia calls me at 12 to go out with her. she picks me and alishas wasted ass up to go to zoes. we get high in the car. apparently the cops get there tho. so brendons having a kegger at his place. we go. its (i know im going to spell it wrong, i dont care) ying ling. but there is not one peice of ice in it. and it was filled that morning. there are highschool kids there. and my high is going away. brendons flirting with that blonde girl. at least dave has his arm around me when brendon comes out. im getting annoyed that everyones drunk but me. a highschool kid gets in a fight with doug. the whole living room explodes. a highschool bitch tells alia she needs to go on weight watchers. we just want to leave, smoke a blunt, and go to sleep. we leave. and matt smokes me, alisha, and kesha out.
saturday november eighth: i must not have done shit. that night alia and i go out with kaye and her ex whos in town. he's twenty one and DD so kaye and i decide to invest in a twelve at the gas station. we go to brandon, kate, and sara's. its kinda gay. kaye meets these kids who live in melrose/the district. they will have people over for beerpong. we head over there. there are only like eight of us. but im already drunk when we get there so i dont mind. plus i plan to walk to daves and stay the night there. more people come. a german. and a saudi-arabian. i make out with them both. just because it sounds fun. then i make out with cristina. she ends up giving me a ride home.
sunday novemeber ninth: went to keshas parents house for dinner(ish). was there all fucking day. and like played taboo or something that night.
monday november tenth: dont know if i even went to class. made big plans to go out and party fuckin hard. keshas friends amber and lexi come out to the dorms. everyones sleeping in our room tonight. we go to the liquor store. i get a six. they get two bottles. we start pregaming. nicole and casey come over so that alisha and i can ride with them while everyone else goes in ambers car. we find out that the dub keggers at brendons. wonderfuckingful. we go. i try not to be awkward. him and the blonde are on a bp team again. im pounding down my beers. i go sit on the couch with cristina, marijuana man kris, and tuna. we smoke two bowls. tyler invites us in his room where theve got two bowls in rotation. we're smoking. the cops come. i run to nicoles car. we leave and hear word of the party moving to brandon, kate, and sara's. we go. i get super plastered and lose everyone. i find a ride home with brittany. matt is in the passenger seat. brendon comes up. i start describing how he used to randomly talk during sex. and it wasnt dirty talk. i get back and we act like drunk retards together.
tuesday november eleventh: they wake me up at fucking like 10:30 to go to the waffle house. i am dying and furious. we go. we eat. we come back. i must not have done anything special.
wednesday november twelfth: hm, daytime, i got nothin. nighttime, im looking and looking for something to do. nobodies going out or having any parties. gay, i dont have classes the next day. tuna decides if ill throw in ten he'll drop a keg at brandon, kate, and sara's. i agree to throw in then. chris(joshs roommate, the crazy one), tuna and i head out. im getting shitty tonight because i want my ten dollars worth of beer. i tell alia about the party and tuna is mad. not at me. not at her. he just doesnt wanna be around her. oops. its a small party. i meet dexter the sexiest gimp alive. hes friends with chris from "back home". hes cute. and funny. perfect, alia and chris. me and... dexter. thats a gay name. im getting extremely quite shitty. were hxc flirting. he realizes chris, chase, john and them left him. he asks for a ride. i convince tuna. my phones dead. his has no minutes. we come home. i put mine on the charger while we have a cig. on my way out i explain how "i will fuck dester tonight". we talk and smoke a lot. i get my phone. he calls chris. we meet him at chases car for mcdonalds. we begin our order too early for breakfast. gay. we come back and meet up with alia. we go to somebodys room to get high. chris is in a fight with his roommate. he is sleeping at alias. dexter needs a place to stay. he stays with me. we dont even like pop kiss.
thursday november thirteenth: hm, i honestly slept till like four. i shower and eat and study. i go back to sleep. i tell alia, chris and dexter i cant go to the club. im staying in. i go back to sleep agian. deja wakes me and convinces me to go out even tho i have a business exam and math quiz in the am. nicole, casey, greg, and paul will let us ride with them. we go to lukes. by the beach. pablo who lives upstairs turns twenty at midnight. three kegs. lots of people. cute matt in my english class? yes. michelle, morgan, jaimie, ally baldwin, oliver, river. blah. i have like four cups. the cops come. we leave. nicole is wasted. paul and greg are angry. "the party was a cockfest". deja, nicole, and i want to go to another party. its only midnight. i call brittany in my ex-critical thinking and reasoning class. she is on the next road over. we go. get out of the car. walk up. i say hi to brittany, adam, cj, anastassia, chris, kim, some other kid wearing tiedye, etc. we leave. i'm pissed.
friday november fourteenth: alia wakes me up calling to see if dexter can come sleep in my room. i shrug it off and deal. i shower and go to class. i do horribly on my shit that morning. i come back and monica and dexter are being awkward. just really quiet. monica and i want to eat. we decide to go to tijuana. dexter tags along. he has no money. i treat him to lunch. he offers to smoke us out. monica is leaving as soon as we get back to the dorms to go to slips parents' house. i am convinced into going. dexter leaves. we get to slips and are drinking/smoking by four. its redic. im gone by seven when we go to mcdonalds. i am refilling my coke and drop my cup. its really funny at first. then embarrassing. then sucks. we go back to slips. im sobering up a lot. i play monica in beerpong. and lose. there are a few more of the one on one. im sucking. slip and i play one on one, if he wins i have to do a shot of patrone. i know im having an off night but agree anyways. i lose. i drink the patrone. im drunk. slips friends from highschool or work or the hood or whatever come. im wasted but just want to play bp. i make friends with everyone. alisha, kesha, and her friend scott come. i am really feeling it. okay, i have another shot. and im still drinking my nati lights that slip got esp for me. and scotts got some dank shit. i am really really hammered. i make it till three and then decide that blacking out doesnt sound cool. i pass out.
saturday november fifteenth: i wake up at like two. we leave at like four. i go the fuck to sleep once back in our room. i wake up around ten. monica and eric actually want to go to a party tonight. i really really really dont. i offer to be dd. alia is going to come with us. will smokes us out. we get ready. the party is off hodges. we smoke a blunt on the way there. im really high. this is a weird party. it's for amys bday. im pretty close with amy, i should know people there. i dont really. i see cute matt from english again. and ev? whos apparently a photog major and takes cute pics of me when im super stoned. there were a few other people to talk to. i met lots of nice ones. i get a cup to wet my throat. monica and eric both drink more than i do. we smoke out back and cute jp tries to get in on the blunt. he doesnt realize that we all came together and are good friends. im fuckin high already and after like six more hits of that blunt i feel like im ready to die so when im tired of will and jp and eric arguing i go inside. i find tuna and he knows im really high. i really high the rest of the night. we come home. i go to sleep.
sunday november sixteenth: prob slept all day. that night, nothing going on. alia and i go on the most super fun sober adventure ev. i must be hopped up on monster or mountain dew. we go to the library. we rent jackass, without a paddle, and the sandlot. we skate back. a bunch of us watch without a paddle. matt wants a cig? we go outside and i tell him all about brendon and everything lately. he finally starts telling me about kayla. hm, she seemed alright. we miss half the movie cuz we dont stop talking. after the movie im sure i just went to sleep.
monday november seventeenth: oh, i actually went to business i think. idk, classes i guess. monday night alia and i cant find shit to do. its only ten. starbucks is open for another two hours, lets go. we skate there. we sit outside and chat like cindy and i used to. i tell her about my first time. she realizes i was right. she should have told hers and let me skip over mine. at twelve thirty ive smoke a good half a pack and gotten myself thinking just enough to drive me nuts. we skate home. i cant sleep that night.
tuesday november eighteenth: hm, monica and i go to the town center. we get back and matt comes over. i am supposed to be doing my like 200 pages of reading and two math homeworks. and cleaning my desk. and doing the dishes. and doing my laundry. at least accoding to the sometimes bossy alisha. monica and matt think we should smoke. it might get me motivated. we decide to take our bathrooms vcard since bills in matts room and monica doesnt really have gas. we smoke a few bowls. im really high. i shouldnt have smoked. i sort my laundry. all the fucking washers a full and on like thirty mins. by then ill be sleeping. i attempt to do the dishes. i suck. matt helps me. alisha comes home and is really mad we smoked in the bathroom. when she leaves we discuss how shes had a bottle in the fridge for a while and at least we're trying to do our shit. i clean off my desk mostly. i take a nap. i wake up and do some homework. theyre going to slips room. i dont want to stay in the room alone. if alisha comes back i dont want confrontation. i go to slips too. we smoke more. i go to bed and sleep like a baby.
wednesday november nineteenth: i wake up happy and early. i read. i go to business. i watch the video and focus. math. i read and get all my highlighting and such done for english. ev's not on facebook. i wonder if shes going. what if matt doesnt go either. at least mike was there last time. i thought he had dropped the class. so maybe itll be me and mike. like i wanted it at the beginning of the summer. he doesnt read. ill have to talk. hopefully ev or matt comes. i dont want to go. i go. ev and matt dont go. i prepare a full page of summaries for our section. we run out of time and i dont have/get to go. i am on the phone a lot. with cindy. and alyssa. and my mom. and catt. i come in and everyones high watching jackass. everyone leaves. matt and i go out for a cig. we come back in. its cold out. monica and eric are sleeping. matt doesnt wanna watch another movie. i ask for a back massage. monica and eric wake up to him sitting on me with my top off. cute. its a good back massage. we all play taboo.
thursday november twentieth: idk. prob nothing. that night, i study. then i get really high. i go to sleep.
friday novemeber twenty-first: hm. i attempt to wake up early and study. nope. i sleep thru business. i think i did really well on the math quiz. i hang out with cj all afternoon. i meet alia in the library to register for classes. then she has to work. i go get high and take a nap. i wake up easily. i want to get shitty since i havnt been drunk in a week. alia, carli, jessica, and i go to wolfes party. monica, eric, slip, and will are going to meet us there. we arrive as the kegs being tapped. yes. i am getting shitty. brendon finds me. awkward, since hes with sam. im trying to find a night goal. dave arrives. yes agian. i keep going back to the keg. i love everyone at the party. im having a blast. im wearing my flannel. it really is kinda in style. three kegs later, im shitty. its still early. the partys moving to brandon, kate, and sara's. dave will deff be there. he always is. we go. we're all shitty and have too much fun on the drive. we get there safe. i sit on daves lap outside. we smoke cigs and talk. he thinks we should fuck. im not disagreeing. uhoh, brendon and sam make their way up the walk. awkward. he hugs me. and shakes daves hand. the go in. i tell dave about brendon and me. he thinks its funny to put his arm around now when brendons in the room. or hold my hand. or kiss my forhead. it is funny. alia wants to leave. shes kinda mad she cant get super shitty like i am since she drove. i stay to go home with dave. we do it all over his appartment. he is super sweet and funny and fun. it deff made up for a month of not doing it with anyone.
saturday november twenty-second: he wakes me up. i dont think it was an accident. what? i thought we went thru all the condoms last night. well we find one more. he has to work and im not feeling so well. later i have plans with alia to go to the surf comp. then working on research papers. then out. so he takes me home. i really have to work on my ten to fifteen page research paper. ill take a nap till twelveish. i end up sleeping till four. i shower and meet alia and her two friends from home at the library. im there for two hours. i write my name and the date. we leave to go get ready for the night and such. there is a four kegger at brandon, kate, and sara's. a six kegger by the beach. a party at zoes. and another random party somewhere. we want to pregame with chris and them. or just go straight to kates since the first keg will be tapped early prob. i stop at matts. he makes me realize i shouldnt go out. i have too much to do. i stay in his room and we both get to work. i write a paragrph. we smoke a j. i do some research and write a sentance. i take a nap. i wake up and sean takes us to taco bell. we get back and i try to write more. matt's doing better than i am. we decide we arent going to get much else done tonight. we smoke a nice fat j. and have a slumbie in his room.
today: we wake at two. im pissed. we work. i come to my room and shower. i go back to his and decide i want subway. i convince matt how good it would be. we convince josh to take us. it is closed. wtf. i am pissed. i dont have many cigs but the gas station is out of the way. we go to mickyD's. they fuck up my order. we go back to matts and get to work. i need a cig. we see 'my friend'. i explain how it is seven pm and i only have two and a half pages out of ten to fifteen. she gives me an adderall. i take it as fast as i can. it starts kicking in. im excited. and i feel loving and happy. i get a text. its from chirs. wtf. we havnt talked in weeks. now i feel the adderall. i can only focus on one thing. its that chris is texting me. about what? idk. he got fired. and lives with his mom again. and is a regular old boynton head again. he says sorry. i feel sorry for him. but am angry and wonder why he texted me. its been a while and im sick of him coming in and out of my life. in or out dammit. and its all i can focus on. alyssa calls me. i decide to kill two birds with one stone and go on my smoke break while i talk to her. i cant stop bitching about chris. she says he really needs someone right now. i would love to be that someone but cant. im sorry chris. i cant. i finally go back into matts. bills back. awkward. alia comes over. we fuck around. im focused perfectly on everything but my paper. im talking a million words people minute. and im thinking even faster. i am told to shutup numerous times. i focus on my paper and realize it sucks. i make an outline and reorganize the whole paper. i continue to work on it while alia and matt finish theirs and smoke a reward j. im still writing when alia goes to her room for bed. matt had rolled me a reward j but i know im not finishing my paper tonight. i tell him to go ahead and smoke it since he'll re up before class tomm anyways. he smokes. and goes to sleep. i continue working in his room. i am kinda creeped out and feel like if i get up to go to the bathroom or even cough i will wake one of them up. its a quarter to five. i come back to my room hoping i dont wake anyone. not only coming in, but typing. thers no way i can sleep. alishas still awake but going to sleep. shes exhausted and i wont keep her up. i attempt to get to work. i work a little. then i go on facebook. then i come on here. and i have been writing this for srsly ever. i feel like im going to pass out. the adderalls making me feel funny. its really hot in here. i think its cuz my blood sugars low. all i ate today was two cheeseburgers. its getting light out. both monica and alishas alarms have gone off. i have class in three and a half hours i should go to. but im not done with my paper. ive gotta nap till 11:30. then get up and finish.
ill letcha know how it goes. and i guess continue from after my nap next time.
i feel like such shit.
this whole week has been kinda weird for me. and i havnt done this in a long time, i know its kinda annoying, but it just helps me and i like to do it, and i cant sleep right now and now that i got to writing this i am determined to get out everything i want to say(stupid adderall, wish you would work like this for my paper). nobody reads my bitching anymore anyways. lolz.
lets begin last last weekend(ish).
thursday november sixth: i had spent the past weekend back home, for court the 30th, not really doing much, sorta taking it easy, smokin, getting my hair done, smokin, goin to a pv game, drinkin, sitting at sonic, going to the beach, etc. apparently missed a lot up here. hadnt talked to/seen brendon since the monday before i went home, so.... the 27th. he texts me asking about my plans for the night, if i know of any parties, blahblahblahblah. i answer no and ask why theyre not doing anything at their place. he says they might, he'll let me know. 10ish tuna calls me asking if im going to brendons. i say i didnt know they were doing anything and i dont think i want to go cuz brendon said hed let me know if they did and he didnt so he prob doesnt want me there or something. tuna explains that hes the one dropping the keg, and brendon prob just forgot to tell me. i pass on the ride cuz im doing something else anyways. 11ish alia convinces me to go. alia, jessica, matt, alisha and i ride out. i am nervous and begin like chugging when we get there. i get hammered. and for the first time everrrrr dont spend the night. his face when i said bye made my night.
friday november seventh: i wake up, shower, and throw the fuck up. i have the worst hangover. i drag my idiot ass to math to fail a quiz. i sleep all afternoon. friday night we plan to go to this huge party by the beach. mtv's filming at zoes for 'real life: i go to school, have a job, and can still party' or some shit like that so hes got six kegs. the girls buy a bottle to pregame. i get high. our few options for drivers/vehicles to go to the party get fucked up to the point of not wanting to even go to the party. alisha and i go see a live band on the green. alia calls me at 12 to go out with her. she picks me and alishas wasted ass up to go to zoes. we get high in the car. apparently the cops get there tho. so brendons having a kegger at his place. we go. its (i know im going to spell it wrong, i dont care) ying ling. but there is not one peice of ice in it. and it was filled that morning. there are highschool kids there. and my high is going away. brendons flirting with that blonde girl. at least dave has his arm around me when brendon comes out. im getting annoyed that everyones drunk but me. a highschool kid gets in a fight with doug. the whole living room explodes. a highschool bitch tells alia she needs to go on weight watchers. we just want to leave, smoke a blunt, and go to sleep. we leave. and matt smokes me, alisha, and kesha out.
saturday november eighth: i must not have done shit. that night alia and i go out with kaye and her ex whos in town. he's twenty one and DD so kaye and i decide to invest in a twelve at the gas station. we go to brandon, kate, and sara's. its kinda gay. kaye meets these kids who live in melrose/the district. they will have people over for beerpong. we head over there. there are only like eight of us. but im already drunk when we get there so i dont mind. plus i plan to walk to daves and stay the night there. more people come. a german. and a saudi-arabian. i make out with them both. just because it sounds fun. then i make out with cristina. she ends up giving me a ride home.
sunday novemeber ninth: went to keshas parents house for dinner(ish). was there all fucking day. and like played taboo or something that night.
monday november tenth: dont know if i even went to class. made big plans to go out and party fuckin hard. keshas friends amber and lexi come out to the dorms. everyones sleeping in our room tonight. we go to the liquor store. i get a six. they get two bottles. we start pregaming. nicole and casey come over so that alisha and i can ride with them while everyone else goes in ambers car. we find out that the dub keggers at brendons. wonderfuckingful. we go. i try not to be awkward. him and the blonde are on a bp team again. im pounding down my beers. i go sit on the couch with cristina, marijuana man kris, and tuna. we smoke two bowls. tyler invites us in his room where theve got two bowls in rotation. we're smoking. the cops come. i run to nicoles car. we leave and hear word of the party moving to brandon, kate, and sara's. we go. i get super plastered and lose everyone. i find a ride home with brittany. matt is in the passenger seat. brendon comes up. i start describing how he used to randomly talk during sex. and it wasnt dirty talk. i get back and we act like drunk retards together.
tuesday november eleventh: they wake me up at fucking like 10:30 to go to the waffle house. i am dying and furious. we go. we eat. we come back. i must not have done anything special.
wednesday november twelfth: hm, daytime, i got nothin. nighttime, im looking and looking for something to do. nobodies going out or having any parties. gay, i dont have classes the next day. tuna decides if ill throw in ten he'll drop a keg at brandon, kate, and sara's. i agree to throw in then. chris(joshs roommate, the crazy one), tuna and i head out. im getting shitty tonight because i want my ten dollars worth of beer. i tell alia about the party and tuna is mad. not at me. not at her. he just doesnt wanna be around her. oops. its a small party. i meet dexter the sexiest gimp alive. hes friends with chris from "back home". hes cute. and funny. perfect, alia and chris. me and... dexter. thats a gay name. im getting extremely quite shitty. were hxc flirting. he realizes chris, chase, john and them left him. he asks for a ride. i convince tuna. my phones dead. his has no minutes. we come home. i put mine on the charger while we have a cig. on my way out i explain how "i will fuck dester tonight". we talk and smoke a lot. i get my phone. he calls chris. we meet him at chases car for mcdonalds. we begin our order too early for breakfast. gay. we come back and meet up with alia. we go to somebodys room to get high. chris is in a fight with his roommate. he is sleeping at alias. dexter needs a place to stay. he stays with me. we dont even like pop kiss.
thursday november thirteenth: hm, i honestly slept till like four. i shower and eat and study. i go back to sleep. i tell alia, chris and dexter i cant go to the club. im staying in. i go back to sleep agian. deja wakes me and convinces me to go out even tho i have a business exam and math quiz in the am. nicole, casey, greg, and paul will let us ride with them. we go to lukes. by the beach. pablo who lives upstairs turns twenty at midnight. three kegs. lots of people. cute matt in my english class? yes. michelle, morgan, jaimie, ally baldwin, oliver, river. blah. i have like four cups. the cops come. we leave. nicole is wasted. paul and greg are angry. "the party was a cockfest". deja, nicole, and i want to go to another party. its only midnight. i call brittany in my ex-critical thinking and reasoning class. she is on the next road over. we go. get out of the car. walk up. i say hi to brittany, adam, cj, anastassia, chris, kim, some other kid wearing tiedye, etc. we leave. i'm pissed.
friday november fourteenth: alia wakes me up calling to see if dexter can come sleep in my room. i shrug it off and deal. i shower and go to class. i do horribly on my shit that morning. i come back and monica and dexter are being awkward. just really quiet. monica and i want to eat. we decide to go to tijuana. dexter tags along. he has no money. i treat him to lunch. he offers to smoke us out. monica is leaving as soon as we get back to the dorms to go to slips parents' house. i am convinced into going. dexter leaves. we get to slips and are drinking/smoking by four. its redic. im gone by seven when we go to mcdonalds. i am refilling my coke and drop my cup. its really funny at first. then embarrassing. then sucks. we go back to slips. im sobering up a lot. i play monica in beerpong. and lose. there are a few more of the one on one. im sucking. slip and i play one on one, if he wins i have to do a shot of patrone. i know im having an off night but agree anyways. i lose. i drink the patrone. im drunk. slips friends from highschool or work or the hood or whatever come. im wasted but just want to play bp. i make friends with everyone. alisha, kesha, and her friend scott come. i am really feeling it. okay, i have another shot. and im still drinking my nati lights that slip got esp for me. and scotts got some dank shit. i am really really hammered. i make it till three and then decide that blacking out doesnt sound cool. i pass out.
saturday november fifteenth: i wake up at like two. we leave at like four. i go the fuck to sleep once back in our room. i wake up around ten. monica and eric actually want to go to a party tonight. i really really really dont. i offer to be dd. alia is going to come with us. will smokes us out. we get ready. the party is off hodges. we smoke a blunt on the way there. im really high. this is a weird party. it's for amys bday. im pretty close with amy, i should know people there. i dont really. i see cute matt from english again. and ev? whos apparently a photog major and takes cute pics of me when im super stoned. there were a few other people to talk to. i met lots of nice ones. i get a cup to wet my throat. monica and eric both drink more than i do. we smoke out back and cute jp tries to get in on the blunt. he doesnt realize that we all came together and are good friends. im fuckin high already and after like six more hits of that blunt i feel like im ready to die so when im tired of will and jp and eric arguing i go inside. i find tuna and he knows im really high. i really high the rest of the night. we come home. i go to sleep.
sunday november sixteenth: prob slept all day. that night, nothing going on. alia and i go on the most super fun sober adventure ev. i must be hopped up on monster or mountain dew. we go to the library. we rent jackass, without a paddle, and the sandlot. we skate back. a bunch of us watch without a paddle. matt wants a cig? we go outside and i tell him all about brendon and everything lately. he finally starts telling me about kayla. hm, she seemed alright. we miss half the movie cuz we dont stop talking. after the movie im sure i just went to sleep.
monday november seventeenth: oh, i actually went to business i think. idk, classes i guess. monday night alia and i cant find shit to do. its only ten. starbucks is open for another two hours, lets go. we skate there. we sit outside and chat like cindy and i used to. i tell her about my first time. she realizes i was right. she should have told hers and let me skip over mine. at twelve thirty ive smoke a good half a pack and gotten myself thinking just enough to drive me nuts. we skate home. i cant sleep that night.
tuesday november eighteenth: hm, monica and i go to the town center. we get back and matt comes over. i am supposed to be doing my like 200 pages of reading and two math homeworks. and cleaning my desk. and doing the dishes. and doing my laundry. at least accoding to the sometimes bossy alisha. monica and matt think we should smoke. it might get me motivated. we decide to take our bathrooms vcard since bills in matts room and monica doesnt really have gas. we smoke a few bowls. im really high. i shouldnt have smoked. i sort my laundry. all the fucking washers a full and on like thirty mins. by then ill be sleeping. i attempt to do the dishes. i suck. matt helps me. alisha comes home and is really mad we smoked in the bathroom. when she leaves we discuss how shes had a bottle in the fridge for a while and at least we're trying to do our shit. i clean off my desk mostly. i take a nap. i wake up and do some homework. theyre going to slips room. i dont want to stay in the room alone. if alisha comes back i dont want confrontation. i go to slips too. we smoke more. i go to bed and sleep like a baby.
wednesday november nineteenth: i wake up happy and early. i read. i go to business. i watch the video and focus. math. i read and get all my highlighting and such done for english. ev's not on facebook. i wonder if shes going. what if matt doesnt go either. at least mike was there last time. i thought he had dropped the class. so maybe itll be me and mike. like i wanted it at the beginning of the summer. he doesnt read. ill have to talk. hopefully ev or matt comes. i dont want to go. i go. ev and matt dont go. i prepare a full page of summaries for our section. we run out of time and i dont have/get to go. i am on the phone a lot. with cindy. and alyssa. and my mom. and catt. i come in and everyones high watching jackass. everyone leaves. matt and i go out for a cig. we come back in. its cold out. monica and eric are sleeping. matt doesnt wanna watch another movie. i ask for a back massage. monica and eric wake up to him sitting on me with my top off. cute. its a good back massage. we all play taboo.
thursday november twentieth: idk. prob nothing. that night, i study. then i get really high. i go to sleep.
friday novemeber twenty-first: hm. i attempt to wake up early and study. nope. i sleep thru business. i think i did really well on the math quiz. i hang out with cj all afternoon. i meet alia in the library to register for classes. then she has to work. i go get high and take a nap. i wake up easily. i want to get shitty since i havnt been drunk in a week. alia, carli, jessica, and i go to wolfes party. monica, eric, slip, and will are going to meet us there. we arrive as the kegs being tapped. yes. i am getting shitty. brendon finds me. awkward, since hes with sam. im trying to find a night goal. dave arrives. yes agian. i keep going back to the keg. i love everyone at the party. im having a blast. im wearing my flannel. it really is kinda in style. three kegs later, im shitty. its still early. the partys moving to brandon, kate, and sara's. dave will deff be there. he always is. we go. we're all shitty and have too much fun on the drive. we get there safe. i sit on daves lap outside. we smoke cigs and talk. he thinks we should fuck. im not disagreeing. uhoh, brendon and sam make their way up the walk. awkward. he hugs me. and shakes daves hand. the go in. i tell dave about brendon and me. he thinks its funny to put his arm around now when brendons in the room. or hold my hand. or kiss my forhead. it is funny. alia wants to leave. shes kinda mad she cant get super shitty like i am since she drove. i stay to go home with dave. we do it all over his appartment. he is super sweet and funny and fun. it deff made up for a month of not doing it with anyone.
saturday november twenty-second: he wakes me up. i dont think it was an accident. what? i thought we went thru all the condoms last night. well we find one more. he has to work and im not feeling so well. later i have plans with alia to go to the surf comp. then working on research papers. then out. so he takes me home. i really have to work on my ten to fifteen page research paper. ill take a nap till twelveish. i end up sleeping till four. i shower and meet alia and her two friends from home at the library. im there for two hours. i write my name and the date. we leave to go get ready for the night and such. there is a four kegger at brandon, kate, and sara's. a six kegger by the beach. a party at zoes. and another random party somewhere. we want to pregame with chris and them. or just go straight to kates since the first keg will be tapped early prob. i stop at matts. he makes me realize i shouldnt go out. i have too much to do. i stay in his room and we both get to work. i write a paragrph. we smoke a j. i do some research and write a sentance. i take a nap. i wake up and sean takes us to taco bell. we get back and i try to write more. matt's doing better than i am. we decide we arent going to get much else done tonight. we smoke a nice fat j. and have a slumbie in his room.
today: we wake at two. im pissed. we work. i come to my room and shower. i go back to his and decide i want subway. i convince matt how good it would be. we convince josh to take us. it is closed. wtf. i am pissed. i dont have many cigs but the gas station is out of the way. we go to mickyD's. they fuck up my order. we go back to matts and get to work. i need a cig. we see 'my friend'. i explain how it is seven pm and i only have two and a half pages out of ten to fifteen. she gives me an adderall. i take it as fast as i can. it starts kicking in. im excited. and i feel loving and happy. i get a text. its from chirs. wtf. we havnt talked in weeks. now i feel the adderall. i can only focus on one thing. its that chris is texting me. about what? idk. he got fired. and lives with his mom again. and is a regular old boynton head again. he says sorry. i feel sorry for him. but am angry and wonder why he texted me. its been a while and im sick of him coming in and out of my life. in or out dammit. and its all i can focus on. alyssa calls me. i decide to kill two birds with one stone and go on my smoke break while i talk to her. i cant stop bitching about chris. she says he really needs someone right now. i would love to be that someone but cant. im sorry chris. i cant. i finally go back into matts. bills back. awkward. alia comes over. we fuck around. im focused perfectly on everything but my paper. im talking a million words people minute. and im thinking even faster. i am told to shutup numerous times. i focus on my paper and realize it sucks. i make an outline and reorganize the whole paper. i continue to work on it while alia and matt finish theirs and smoke a reward j. im still writing when alia goes to her room for bed. matt had rolled me a reward j but i know im not finishing my paper tonight. i tell him to go ahead and smoke it since he'll re up before class tomm anyways. he smokes. and goes to sleep. i continue working in his room. i am kinda creeped out and feel like if i get up to go to the bathroom or even cough i will wake one of them up. its a quarter to five. i come back to my room hoping i dont wake anyone. not only coming in, but typing. thers no way i can sleep. alishas still awake but going to sleep. shes exhausted and i wont keep her up. i attempt to get to work. i work a little. then i go on facebook. then i come on here. and i have been writing this for srsly ever. i feel like im going to pass out. the adderalls making me feel funny. its really hot in here. i think its cuz my blood sugars low. all i ate today was two cheeseburgers. its getting light out. both monica and alishas alarms have gone off. i have class in three and a half hours i should go to. but im not done with my paper. ive gotta nap till 11:30. then get up and finish.
ill letcha know how it goes. and i guess continue from after my nap next time.