(no subject)
Hmmmm! Im all caught up!
I really need to get my computers fixed. Im missing everything. Like the truth being told....and hearts being broken...and well fairly evil shit.
I wish my sister would get back so I could go home and clean then go back to bed. Im really tired...something about staying up for days at a time and being on the phone every night with Steven...is rather tiring. Poo on me! That boy...there is something wrong with him...he is to much like "perfect" and Im useing that term lightly. I just mean...for the most part...I enjoy his company tons. Also he seems to know the things to say...but for some reason he doesnt seem to have the confidence to pull off "useing" me. He actually has me playing my guitar...untill I caused the D string to kill itself...damn distraction! Still as far as I know everything is mutual. Even...well everything. My main problem....I trust him...I like him...I just fear trying to start a relationship...due to Josh. I dont want to be hurt again...I dont want to be hurt like Brandy was hurt. I just dont want that and I dont think I deserve it. Oh well...I know I can count on him to make me smile and that scares me....it means he has power over me....and MEN CAN'T HAVE POWER!!! IT JUST NOT ALLOWED!!! If they have power then they can make you feel like your not good enough can get you to do things you really dont want to do...and well... Im ranting about stuff I really should be ranting about in a private entry...and then adding onto my sick hobby of writing about men and there many ways of making a womans life horrid. But then again... I really shouldnt write only about men....we women do the same to them...in some cases we can hold that same power over a mans head. I really need to stop over thinking things and just go with them...Why is that so hard for me to do? ....hmmmm...."Im lucky to have found you." someone tell me to stop this....so I wont get hurt....I dont want to get hurt...DAMN MEN!!! Why am I upset with men....oh wait I know....they flirt...they lie...they...are..just men....yet not all men are like that....some men are great...there not assholes....but thank god someone is here Im going home now.
Someone come see me quick before I lose my mind!
Ele.