i am a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuge looooooooooooooser
so no one reads this anymore anyways, so it doesnt matter what i write. my insanity: i dont know why, but if josh pays more attention to another girl over me, i become jealous. this is annoying because THIS is not me. i do not behave in such a way that most girls do. i trust josh. completely. i just have previous issues. he thinks it's funny that i act this way, but i am not amused. it pisses me off, so then am i not only jealous, but angry. neither of which are fun. i told josh about this, and he just giggled at me.... he was slightly intoxicated. but he understood... i think... and said he was sorry, i told him not to be, its not his fault, and we went to bed. wake up this morning, he rolls over and says," i had a weird dream last night." "oh yea, tell me about it" i said. josh:"you probably don't want to hear about it." me"go for it" (stupid answer by the way)
Josh's dream: (as josh telling it to me)
So I was at a party, and you were there, but i wasn't talking to you, I was talking to this other girl. Then this girl tells me there's an empty room downstairs and I don't know why, but I went with her. When we get there, she starts to take her clothes off. So i'm standing there with this naked girl, and I think to myself, this isn;t right, I should be here with Leslie, and I start to tell her this when you (me, leslie) walk in the room while she's completely naked. So we get into a huge fight over what's going on and you don't believe me for some reason and you leave. I start to go after you, trying to explain and that's when I woke up.
Then Josh says to me:"This must have something to do with last night, I told you you didn't wanna hear about it because i know for a fact that if anyone said"hey there's an empty room downstairs" i would grab your hand and run all the way there."
This does not help my insanity. I truly dont know why I feel this way, I have never felt jealous.... ever, and here I am wanting to smack just about every girl who touches Josh besides girls I know. All of his female regulars at work, I want to hurt. Except for the Chevy's girls and the patio kids cause they all know about me and love me, so I like them. But the rest of those girls, all glare at me like i'm the biggest bitch ever, and therefore i know they know about me and are probably flirting even more with josh because they want him. the rest dont even know about me, because he tells customers that he's single. understandable, i do it too, but again, i can't help but feel annoyed and that pisses me off too because that makes me a hypocrite on top of everything else, and that's DEFINITELY not me. i'm losing my mind and its pissing me off because it shouldn't be happening. i trust me, why is this getting to me???
Josh's dream: (as josh telling it to me)
So I was at a party, and you were there, but i wasn't talking to you, I was talking to this other girl. Then this girl tells me there's an empty room downstairs and I don't know why, but I went with her. When we get there, she starts to take her clothes off. So i'm standing there with this naked girl, and I think to myself, this isn;t right, I should be here with Leslie, and I start to tell her this when you (me, leslie) walk in the room while she's completely naked. So we get into a huge fight over what's going on and you don't believe me for some reason and you leave. I start to go after you, trying to explain and that's when I woke up.
Then Josh says to me:"This must have something to do with last night, I told you you didn't wanna hear about it because i know for a fact that if anyone said"hey there's an empty room downstairs" i would grab your hand and run all the way there."
This does not help my insanity. I truly dont know why I feel this way, I have never felt jealous.... ever, and here I am wanting to smack just about every girl who touches Josh besides girls I know. All of his female regulars at work, I want to hurt. Except for the Chevy's girls and the patio kids cause they all know about me and love me, so I like them. But the rest of those girls, all glare at me like i'm the biggest bitch ever, and therefore i know they know about me and are probably flirting even more with josh because they want him. the rest dont even know about me, because he tells customers that he's single. understandable, i do it too, but again, i can't help but feel annoyed and that pisses me off too because that makes me a hypocrite on top of everything else, and that's DEFINITELY not me. i'm losing my mind and its pissing me off because it shouldn't be happening. i trust me, why is this getting to me???