(no subject)
relationships. what exactly is the point of a relationship. they seem to be mostly instant gratifications, than something thats actually worth holding onto. think of your childhood relationships, your first loves, the people you admired... where are they now? do you even talk to them? how is it that someone who was once so important to you become just a person you would pass on the street? i think im just mainly frustrated at the lack of old friendships i currently have. not mad at the people, or myself. but they seem to have all fallen away. nothing negative happened, nothing that would cause people to drift away. there just gone. now i have new friendships, new friends, and new loves. whats the point? everyone i know now will just end up lost and alone again. now im not saying that having friendships is a negative thing. just something i was thinking about.
ive had two loves in my life. non of which i still talk to, think of, or even really care about. there just there, another person on this planet, i would easily just pass on the street and smile at. now neither of these situations were what i planned, but its just what was expected, whats expected with the cycle of friendships and lovers.
so much of me just wants to give up. i honestly dont see the point. sure there are times i can be lonely. sure theres times i feel left out. but the feelings all go away. i have my clutches that keep me sain, and my family to keep me inline. whats wrong with just going to school? just becoming succesful and only having to care about yourself? after all, your always just left with yourself. since when do i need to feel pressured to commit with someone? i just dont see the point in getting involved. whether its just a new friend, or a new girlfriend. id rather just stick away.
i know this contradicts what i just wrote, but i want love. everyone knows how much i admire it, long for it, and cherish it. i guess i just dont want to get hurt again. seems like everytime i get close to someone (friend or significant other) i end up getting hurt. im tired of hurting. im tired of always caring and getting nothing back. im tired of failing. for the first time in my life i dont want to smile, i dont want to hug you when i see you, and i dont want to be expected to drop everything for someone else. im burnt out.
a little less than a year ago my life went downhill. i took probably the worst downhill spiral ive ever taken. between than and now i have picked myself back up. i have learned new things, and experienced things i never thought were possible. ive meet some amazing people along the way that have changed my life, that have picked me up, and held my hand threw it all. and truly i owe them a part of me, because without them, i think i may still be lost. you know who you are, and i thank you. sadly enough, you also know who you arent.
i guess this was really just a bunch of scrambled thoughts i needed to get out of my head. so it if doesnt make any since than oh well. but this is who i am right now. content with who i am, but not content with the way things are. i have no complaints. i smile everyday. but something is missing. i dont know what it is. but i still feel empty inside...
ive had two loves in my life. non of which i still talk to, think of, or even really care about. there just there, another person on this planet, i would easily just pass on the street and smile at. now neither of these situations were what i planned, but its just what was expected, whats expected with the cycle of friendships and lovers.
so much of me just wants to give up. i honestly dont see the point. sure there are times i can be lonely. sure theres times i feel left out. but the feelings all go away. i have my clutches that keep me sain, and my family to keep me inline. whats wrong with just going to school? just becoming succesful and only having to care about yourself? after all, your always just left with yourself. since when do i need to feel pressured to commit with someone? i just dont see the point in getting involved. whether its just a new friend, or a new girlfriend. id rather just stick away.
i know this contradicts what i just wrote, but i want love. everyone knows how much i admire it, long for it, and cherish it. i guess i just dont want to get hurt again. seems like everytime i get close to someone (friend or significant other) i end up getting hurt. im tired of hurting. im tired of always caring and getting nothing back. im tired of failing. for the first time in my life i dont want to smile, i dont want to hug you when i see you, and i dont want to be expected to drop everything for someone else. im burnt out.
a little less than a year ago my life went downhill. i took probably the worst downhill spiral ive ever taken. between than and now i have picked myself back up. i have learned new things, and experienced things i never thought were possible. ive meet some amazing people along the way that have changed my life, that have picked me up, and held my hand threw it all. and truly i owe them a part of me, because without them, i think i may still be lost. you know who you are, and i thank you. sadly enough, you also know who you arent.
i guess this was really just a bunch of scrambled thoughts i needed to get out of my head. so it if doesnt make any since than oh well. but this is who i am right now. content with who i am, but not content with the way things are. i have no complaints. i smile everyday. but something is missing. i dont know what it is. but i still feel empty inside...