FFic: Consequence
Disclaimer: I claim nothing. Characters and settings belong to Bioware and EA. Spreading the fan love. Named the Doctor from the e-mail though. I am soooo ready to blow her out an airlock.
The bar was crowded and pulsing just as it had been the last time Shepard and her crew had been there. Only now, it was just Shepard with a lump the size of her fist in her throat. As she took another swig of the green drink and reveled in the burn as it slid down her throat, she wondered what the hell she had been thinking coming here. After Councilor Anderson had warned her that Kaidan was here and with other people. A party or some such.
Naturally, even after his admittance to trying to move on past his survivor’s guilt, it had never occurred to her that Kaidan would have a date at said party. Or that he would pick a red-head. Or that the woman was disgustingly short and cute. Or that he really seemed to have gone on with his life even after telling her how much the night before Ilos meant to him.
Or that it would hurt so much to see them having fun together.
Shepard shook her head with effort and for the nth time that night her brown eyes sought out Kaidan, having a good time on the dance floor with his date, oblivious to Shepard’s presence. His form, solid and unchanged after two years, pulsed to the beat of the bass, his powerful shoulders outlined by his blue Alliance Navy uniform shirt. Kaidan’s eyes were bright with merriment.
She refused to give in to jealousy. She refused to get up off the barstool and go greet him, give him the OSD of the recording of the Reaper-human embryo and all the data EDI had downloaded from the Collector base and the Reaper corpse. She refused to listen to what her heart was telling her, of what he had told her in his email. Nothing serious.
It was his smile. That smile as looked down at his date as their bodies writhed together. He was genuinely having fun amid the noise and the pulsing lights.
Again Shepard kicked herself for coming here, for everything left unsaid, for not being able to think of anything to say to him on Horizon that wouldn’t piss him off, and she ran a shaky hand through her hair. She was nursing her second drink; Kaidan was dancing to the fourth song since the short red-haired woman had tugged him all but kicking and screaming to the dance floor. But he was relaxed, his face a little flushed with exertion, and having a good time and-
They were heading to the bar now.
Shit.
Kaidan saw Shepard and stopped short, his heart turning over once before settling into its rhythm once again. How many times in the last two years had his vision played tricks with him? How many times had he been standing in a crowd and seen her profile, the back of her head, her eyes, her armor and think it was her? How many nights did he wake up in a cold sweat, her words still ringing in his ears that he had failed her?
But this...
She was here, alive, radiating that quiet strength she always had, sitting at the bar in civilian clothing. Her hair was just as brown and chopped from the last time he’d seen her, her eyes just as odd with smatterings of green like oxidizing copper. A drink-green?-rested loosely in her grasp.
His date, a doctor from the Presidium named Angela, glanced at him, noticing his stiffness. “You okay?”
Nope.
“Y-yeah,” he lied, forced a smile, and forced himself to look down into Angela’s blue eyes, “everything is fine.”
My previously-thought-to-be-dead-not-quite-ex-lover is here, and I’m out on a date. Everything is fantastic.
Angela, oblivious to Shepard’s curious gaze, took up a seat right next to her. Nope. Not okay at all.
“Kaidan,” Shepard greeted as he walked closer. The smile was small, but it was there. Emotions flickered across her face before she carefully locked them away, looking more tired than neutral. She looked like she wanted to say more, but… didn’t.
He hoped to God that she didn’t repeat what she said on Horizon. It still stung. Far worse than what Rahna had ever said after he had killed Vyrnuus. ‘Been a while?’ Shepard had always been blunt and, sure, diplomacy was never her strong point, but, damn it, if she could talk people into giving their lives for her, couldn’t she at least have had the decency to let him know that she was alive? Did she even care?
Angela did a double take. Kaidan felt torn between the need to run, the need to hide, the need to puke and the need to reach out and hold Shepard. All of which were not something anyone could do while one’s date was present. He wasn’t going to be rude to Angela; he wasn’t going to be rude to Shepard. Instead, he sucked it up and drove his body into control, willing himself still.
His voice was calm when he spoke. “Calleigh.” He rarely called her by her first name. He hoped by calling her by her first name, it would be little less weird, less awkward.
“You’re really Commander Shepard, aren’t you?” Angela asked in awe. So much for that.
Shepard nodded. Talking to Kaidan’s date was not what she had in mind for the evening. It was never her intention to make things awkward. From the expression that Kaidan was trying desperately to hide, he was feeling extremely awkward.
She paid the turian bartender and tipped him before turning to Kaidan. “I need one minute of your time.” She looked at the red-haired woman. “Excuse us.”
Kaidan didn’t have time to even look at his date before Shepard wrapped her fingers around his arm and pulled him away from the bar. “One minute,” she stressed when he instinctively began to pull away. “All I ask.”
He let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “One minute,” he agreed.
When they were out of earshot of the little woman, she pressed an OSD into his hand. “I’ve… severed ties with Cerberus,” she told him but held up a hand to quell the questions that immediately began to form. “This will be on the extranet within forty-eight hours.” She laughed without mirth. “The Council won’t be able to quell the Reaper rumors now.”
“By making people panic?” he asked quietly. This, he knew, was an act of desperation. This wouldn’t unite anyone against the Reapers.
She sighed, giving him a tired look. “I could use some advice,” she admitted and her eyes darted towards the bar. “I could use a detail commander. I lost half of my crew.” Shepard ran a hand through her hair.
His eyes blazed with sudden anger. Was she really asking this of him? Now? “Recruiting again, Commander?” After she had betrayed everything he thought she believed in?
“There’s a whole fucking fleet of Reapers on their way as we speak, Kaidan,” she growled, her voice shakier than she liked. “And nobody cares. Nobody trusts me enough to care.” Kaidan opened his mouth to retort but she cut him off. “I didn’t come to fight. I didn’t,” she insisted. She pointed to the OSD. “Contact me after you watch the vid and read over the data. Councilor Anderson has a copy. I’ve left it up to him to give it to the Alliance Brass. Pass it on if you want, but the information could be a career killer.”
The argument died on his lips. All he could do was nod, a muscle flicking angrily in his jaw.
“I stand beside what I said in my e-mail back to you,” she continued quietly, watching the dancers writhe to the beat of the music. “My feelings for you have never changed.” She stole a glance at his face, their eyes meeting. The hurt melted into something Kaidan couldn’t quite put his finger on. It was a start.
“I’ll, uh, I’ll look this over, Shepard,” he promised. “Don’t put it on the extranet yet.” He took a breath and let it out. “If you really want my advice, give me a chance to study it.”
The look of hope that flittered over her features nearly undid him. He almost told the Alliance to go screw itself right then and there. “Thank you, Kaidan.”
He only nodded, watching as Shepard left the bar.
Three hours later, he watched the vid on the OSD in horror, watching as one of Shepard’s teammates lost his life against that Reaper-human abomination and Joker-Joker!-shot Collectors from the airlock. Kaidan forced himself calm and read over every shred of data on the OSD before e-mailing Angela and breaking it off with her. Then he e-mailed Anderson and Shepard and requested a meeting.
The bar was crowded and pulsing just as it had been the last time Shepard and her crew had been there. Only now, it was just Shepard with a lump the size of her fist in her throat. As she took another swig of the green drink and reveled in the burn as it slid down her throat, she wondered what the hell she had been thinking coming here. After Councilor Anderson had warned her that Kaidan was here and with other people. A party or some such.
Naturally, even after his admittance to trying to move on past his survivor’s guilt, it had never occurred to her that Kaidan would have a date at said party. Or that he would pick a red-head. Or that the woman was disgustingly short and cute. Or that he really seemed to have gone on with his life even after telling her how much the night before Ilos meant to him.
Or that it would hurt so much to see them having fun together.
Shepard shook her head with effort and for the nth time that night her brown eyes sought out Kaidan, having a good time on the dance floor with his date, oblivious to Shepard’s presence. His form, solid and unchanged after two years, pulsed to the beat of the bass, his powerful shoulders outlined by his blue Alliance Navy uniform shirt. Kaidan’s eyes were bright with merriment.
She refused to give in to jealousy. She refused to get up off the barstool and go greet him, give him the OSD of the recording of the Reaper-human embryo and all the data EDI had downloaded from the Collector base and the Reaper corpse. She refused to listen to what her heart was telling her, of what he had told her in his email. Nothing serious.
It was his smile. That smile as looked down at his date as their bodies writhed together. He was genuinely having fun amid the noise and the pulsing lights.
Again Shepard kicked herself for coming here, for everything left unsaid, for not being able to think of anything to say to him on Horizon that wouldn’t piss him off, and she ran a shaky hand through her hair. She was nursing her second drink; Kaidan was dancing to the fourth song since the short red-haired woman had tugged him all but kicking and screaming to the dance floor. But he was relaxed, his face a little flushed with exertion, and having a good time and-
They were heading to the bar now.
Shit.
Kaidan saw Shepard and stopped short, his heart turning over once before settling into its rhythm once again. How many times in the last two years had his vision played tricks with him? How many times had he been standing in a crowd and seen her profile, the back of her head, her eyes, her armor and think it was her? How many nights did he wake up in a cold sweat, her words still ringing in his ears that he had failed her?
But this...
She was here, alive, radiating that quiet strength she always had, sitting at the bar in civilian clothing. Her hair was just as brown and chopped from the last time he’d seen her, her eyes just as odd with smatterings of green like oxidizing copper. A drink-green?-rested loosely in her grasp.
His date, a doctor from the Presidium named Angela, glanced at him, noticing his stiffness. “You okay?”
Nope.
“Y-yeah,” he lied, forced a smile, and forced himself to look down into Angela’s blue eyes, “everything is fine.”
My previously-thought-to-be-dead-not-quite-ex-lover is here, and I’m out on a date. Everything is fantastic.
Angela, oblivious to Shepard’s curious gaze, took up a seat right next to her. Nope. Not okay at all.
“Kaidan,” Shepard greeted as he walked closer. The smile was small, but it was there. Emotions flickered across her face before she carefully locked them away, looking more tired than neutral. She looked like she wanted to say more, but… didn’t.
He hoped to God that she didn’t repeat what she said on Horizon. It still stung. Far worse than what Rahna had ever said after he had killed Vyrnuus. ‘Been a while?’ Shepard had always been blunt and, sure, diplomacy was never her strong point, but, damn it, if she could talk people into giving their lives for her, couldn’t she at least have had the decency to let him know that she was alive? Did she even care?
Angela did a double take. Kaidan felt torn between the need to run, the need to hide, the need to puke and the need to reach out and hold Shepard. All of which were not something anyone could do while one’s date was present. He wasn’t going to be rude to Angela; he wasn’t going to be rude to Shepard. Instead, he sucked it up and drove his body into control, willing himself still.
His voice was calm when he spoke. “Calleigh.” He rarely called her by her first name. He hoped by calling her by her first name, it would be little less weird, less awkward.
“You’re really Commander Shepard, aren’t you?” Angela asked in awe. So much for that.
Shepard nodded. Talking to Kaidan’s date was not what she had in mind for the evening. It was never her intention to make things awkward. From the expression that Kaidan was trying desperately to hide, he was feeling extremely awkward.
She paid the turian bartender and tipped him before turning to Kaidan. “I need one minute of your time.” She looked at the red-haired woman. “Excuse us.”
Kaidan didn’t have time to even look at his date before Shepard wrapped her fingers around his arm and pulled him away from the bar. “One minute,” she stressed when he instinctively began to pull away. “All I ask.”
He let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “One minute,” he agreed.
When they were out of earshot of the little woman, she pressed an OSD into his hand. “I’ve… severed ties with Cerberus,” she told him but held up a hand to quell the questions that immediately began to form. “This will be on the extranet within forty-eight hours.” She laughed without mirth. “The Council won’t be able to quell the Reaper rumors now.”
“By making people panic?” he asked quietly. This, he knew, was an act of desperation. This wouldn’t unite anyone against the Reapers.
She sighed, giving him a tired look. “I could use some advice,” she admitted and her eyes darted towards the bar. “I could use a detail commander. I lost half of my crew.” Shepard ran a hand through her hair.
His eyes blazed with sudden anger. Was she really asking this of him? Now? “Recruiting again, Commander?” After she had betrayed everything he thought she believed in?
“There’s a whole fucking fleet of Reapers on their way as we speak, Kaidan,” she growled, her voice shakier than she liked. “And nobody cares. Nobody trusts me enough to care.” Kaidan opened his mouth to retort but she cut him off. “I didn’t come to fight. I didn’t,” she insisted. She pointed to the OSD. “Contact me after you watch the vid and read over the data. Councilor Anderson has a copy. I’ve left it up to him to give it to the Alliance Brass. Pass it on if you want, but the information could be a career killer.”
The argument died on his lips. All he could do was nod, a muscle flicking angrily in his jaw.
“I stand beside what I said in my e-mail back to you,” she continued quietly, watching the dancers writhe to the beat of the music. “My feelings for you have never changed.” She stole a glance at his face, their eyes meeting. The hurt melted into something Kaidan couldn’t quite put his finger on. It was a start.
“I’ll, uh, I’ll look this over, Shepard,” he promised. “Don’t put it on the extranet yet.” He took a breath and let it out. “If you really want my advice, give me a chance to study it.”
The look of hope that flittered over her features nearly undid him. He almost told the Alliance to go screw itself right then and there. “Thank you, Kaidan.”
He only nodded, watching as Shepard left the bar.
Three hours later, he watched the vid on the OSD in horror, watching as one of Shepard’s teammates lost his life against that Reaper-human abomination and Joker-Joker!-shot Collectors from the airlock. Kaidan forced himself calm and read over every shred of data on the OSD before e-mailing Angela and breaking it off with her. Then he e-mailed Anderson and Shepard and requested a meeting.