Picking up a heart
Things are moving too quickly.
Yesterday I was walking back to my car and I spotted a red red leaf. Some drying shade of blood. I walked past it, stopped. I turned around and picked it up.
I don't know why that's so important to me, but it is. It was completely instinctive behavior; I needed that leaf. It was torn and ugly but that color made it beautiful. It is currently being pressed in a book. The thing is, I saw a lot of similarities between myself and that leaf. Damaged but still worthy in some way.
Applying to graduate school is scary. I don't know if I'm even going to make any money, doing what I want to do. But I love it, and all exaggerated self-hate aside, I think I'm good. My professors say I'm a good writer - inexperienced, but with the technical skills to consider seriously pursuing it.
My relationship is going great. We've had our rough spots lately - a lot of factors go into that, really. 1,200 miles is nothing to shake a stick at, and after living together for nearly eight months it's hard to go back to that distance. But we're on the mend and stronger than ever.
It's good to set this all out. Things were getting to meltdown point and I was falling asleep while driving, while in class, too many times. I had to sit back and reprioritize. I have, and I really think my life is going to get better. I've got five or six weeks left of this semester, three or four weeks until all those graduate school applications are due. I got rid of my extraneous hobbies. It's time to focus.
So that's the mood. Lifted from the lowest of valleys. Not buoyant, but strangely, tentatively hopeful. This might just turn out okay after all.
Yesterday I was walking back to my car and I spotted a red red leaf. Some drying shade of blood. I walked past it, stopped. I turned around and picked it up.
I don't know why that's so important to me, but it is. It was completely instinctive behavior; I needed that leaf. It was torn and ugly but that color made it beautiful. It is currently being pressed in a book. The thing is, I saw a lot of similarities between myself and that leaf. Damaged but still worthy in some way.
Applying to graduate school is scary. I don't know if I'm even going to make any money, doing what I want to do. But I love it, and all exaggerated self-hate aside, I think I'm good. My professors say I'm a good writer - inexperienced, but with the technical skills to consider seriously pursuing it.
My relationship is going great. We've had our rough spots lately - a lot of factors go into that, really. 1,200 miles is nothing to shake a stick at, and after living together for nearly eight months it's hard to go back to that distance. But we're on the mend and stronger than ever.
It's good to set this all out. Things were getting to meltdown point and I was falling asleep while driving, while in class, too many times. I had to sit back and reprioritize. I have, and I really think my life is going to get better. I've got five or six weeks left of this semester, three or four weeks until all those graduate school applications are due. I got rid of my extraneous hobbies. It's time to focus.
So that's the mood. Lifted from the lowest of valleys. Not buoyant, but strangely, tentatively hopeful. This might just turn out okay after all.