Sannie: Redux. Better, stronger, less breakable. Beautiful and bold.
I've grown so much in the past year and a half. Therapy has taught me to appreciate my progress, to understand that perfection is impossible and that's okay. My quest for self-improvement is an endless project: "I can't remember starting and I'm never finished."
I've quit and failed so much and it's made me stronger. Weird that it works that way - but I've never been good at failure, have never accepted it, and repetition certainly drives the point home.
Happiness. I'm ecstatic, I'm brilliant. My days as an alcoholic, escapist are over. I'm done running from my problems, from my life. Things are good now. That's not to say that I don't get unhappy, that I don't get stressed. But I don't have those moments (every day) where I realize there is no reason to leave my bed, ever.
Games are back in my life, and it's really nice. I missed that. The resentment from losing that huge chunk of who I was made this degree so much harder... If only I'd known.
Alex and I have been together for six months - whoa! Landmark. He's so good for me and every bit of him is what I'd always hoped to find in a partner. There's a lot of stuff I didn't expect, either, but those are good surprises. He makes me happy. He makes me a better person, because his presence makes me want to be better. For me. This feels so healthy and right.
There are a couple of hurdles before the semester is over - a research proposal presentation and a 15 page paper - but I feel much more confident this time around. I'm coming into my own. Today I applied for a three-month research position at the Health Department - and got it! I went downtown to take my photo for the government ID badge and it felt so official. Adult-y.
What's more, I'm writing. Not as consistently as I need to, but it's glorious. I had my first workshop in over two years and it felt so right. Like a puzzle piece locking into place.
Here are some small, leftover fragments: applied for an internship at a marketing firm (have a friend working there) - hoping that works out. My best friend is getting married in three months! Her bachelorette is this weekend and I'm hosting/planning/everything because I'm her maid of honor. I found one of my oldest friends on facebook - we hadn't spoken in over ten years. Getting interested in web design, so I guess we'll see how that pans out. Take a course or two in my spare time? Need to start writing my practicum report, studying for comps. I love my tiny apartment and my full social life. Rebuilt my entire social life after losing it to four years of WoW - never would have believed that it could be done. I'm so proud of that. Starting the MFA program in the fall - should only be 1.5-2 years instead of 3. Yes, I'm going to have a double major, double minor undergrad degree and two master's degrees (double fisting master's!). None of this will make me remotely employable, but I'm okay with that. Sort of. It's complicated.
End transmission. <3
I've quit and failed so much and it's made me stronger. Weird that it works that way - but I've never been good at failure, have never accepted it, and repetition certainly drives the point home.
Happiness. I'm ecstatic, I'm brilliant. My days as an alcoholic, escapist are over. I'm done running from my problems, from my life. Things are good now. That's not to say that I don't get unhappy, that I don't get stressed. But I don't have those moments (every day) where I realize there is no reason to leave my bed, ever.
Games are back in my life, and it's really nice. I missed that. The resentment from losing that huge chunk of who I was made this degree so much harder... If only I'd known.
Alex and I have been together for six months - whoa! Landmark. He's so good for me and every bit of him is what I'd always hoped to find in a partner. There's a lot of stuff I didn't expect, either, but those are good surprises. He makes me happy. He makes me a better person, because his presence makes me want to be better. For me. This feels so healthy and right.
There are a couple of hurdles before the semester is over - a research proposal presentation and a 15 page paper - but I feel much more confident this time around. I'm coming into my own. Today I applied for a three-month research position at the Health Department - and got it! I went downtown to take my photo for the government ID badge and it felt so official. Adult-y.
What's more, I'm writing. Not as consistently as I need to, but it's glorious. I had my first workshop in over two years and it felt so right. Like a puzzle piece locking into place.
Here are some small, leftover fragments: applied for an internship at a marketing firm (have a friend working there) - hoping that works out. My best friend is getting married in three months! Her bachelorette is this weekend and I'm hosting/planning/everything because I'm her maid of honor. I found one of my oldest friends on facebook - we hadn't spoken in over ten years. Getting interested in web design, so I guess we'll see how that pans out. Take a course or two in my spare time? Need to start writing my practicum report, studying for comps. I love my tiny apartment and my full social life. Rebuilt my entire social life after losing it to four years of WoW - never would have believed that it could be done. I'm so proud of that. Starting the MFA program in the fall - should only be 1.5-2 years instead of 3. Yes, I'm going to have a double major, double minor undergrad degree and two master's degrees (double fisting master's!). None of this will make me remotely employable, but I'm okay with that. Sort of. It's complicated.
End transmission. <3