The pros of being a con
The right decision escapes me. But there's really nothing right, or wrong. Just varying shades of grey.
These days I want to laugh at it all, want to run away and become a wedding planner. I don't want to start my MA this fall. I even looked up certification. But maybe that's like wanting to learn to belly dance, to become a masseuse. Things that never quite panned out.
Dr. N is urging me to publish my work. We had lunch last week and it was nice. I'm a cheap date, he says. That much I've heard before.
Because it's spring and spring brings with it a whispering madness in my blood. I want to go to the zoo and hold hands, I want to buy popsicles and lick them while they melt, while we walk around town in our flipflops on the burning cement. Holding hands. I want to go to art festivals and flea markets and old bookstores, thriftstores, humming and browsing and mentally dressing and un-dressing each other. Because it's spring and I miss the water-gun fights and midnight movies and walking in the park after dark, because you wouldn't understand even if I told you to your face. Because I miss when worrying about logistics meant do I drive to your house or do you drive to mine, not can I afford a six hundred dollar plane ticket to see you.
I think they have a word for this. I think they call it lonely.
On the other hand, my graduation dress is beautiful and it fits like a glove, no alterations needed. On the other hand, I just upgraded my entire system for $230, due to the generosity of a friend. On the other hand, my best-friend-who-lives-in-Florida-now is in town on Friday. On the other hand, I'm graduating summa cum laude with university honors and a thesis and departmental honors in English. On the other hand, I'm the outstanding senior in Anthropology. On the other hand, it's goddamn spring and the flowers are blooming everywhere and the green is prying itself into the cracks of my heart. On the other hand, I'm in love with the most amazing boy in the universe and I have the nicest, most wonderful friends. On the other hand, I'm the luckiest girl there ever was.
These days I want to laugh at it all, want to run away and become a wedding planner. I don't want to start my MA this fall. I even looked up certification. But maybe that's like wanting to learn to belly dance, to become a masseuse. Things that never quite panned out.
Dr. N is urging me to publish my work. We had lunch last week and it was nice. I'm a cheap date, he says. That much I've heard before.
Because it's spring and spring brings with it a whispering madness in my blood. I want to go to the zoo and hold hands, I want to buy popsicles and lick them while they melt, while we walk around town in our flipflops on the burning cement. Holding hands. I want to go to art festivals and flea markets and old bookstores, thriftstores, humming and browsing and mentally dressing and un-dressing each other. Because it's spring and I miss the water-gun fights and midnight movies and walking in the park after dark, because you wouldn't understand even if I told you to your face. Because I miss when worrying about logistics meant do I drive to your house or do you drive to mine, not can I afford a six hundred dollar plane ticket to see you.
I think they have a word for this. I think they call it lonely.
On the other hand, my graduation dress is beautiful and it fits like a glove, no alterations needed. On the other hand, I just upgraded my entire system for $230, due to the generosity of a friend. On the other hand, my best-friend-who-lives-in-Florida-now is in town on Friday. On the other hand, I'm graduating summa cum laude with university honors and a thesis and departmental honors in English. On the other hand, I'm the outstanding senior in Anthropology. On the other hand, it's goddamn spring and the flowers are blooming everywhere and the green is prying itself into the cracks of my heart. On the other hand, I'm in love with the most amazing boy in the universe and I have the nicest, most wonderful friends. On the other hand, I'm the luckiest girl there ever was.