Tough
Had a rough last couple of days. I've been working a ton, which is great for the bank account, but stressful and exhausting for me. Still not loving OMax. It doesn't suck, and the majority of the people there are great. I just feel close to useless and an idiot there most of the time. Probably because I know I don't belong there. Adding to a crappy couple of days, I found out that my friend Jeff died. A strain of meningitis took him quickly. I met Jeff in Glacier Bay; he was one of Adam's roommates and one of the sweetest kids you'd meet. Very quiet, but he came by my front desk with regularity to chat and help me pass the time during my shift. He always came to the Lodge, bought a Mountain Dew in the gift shop, then sat in the lobby on his laptop for hours. Still can't believe he's gone...I'll definitely miss him.
Even more of a shitstorm swirled around me after that news, so when I came home today I needed to unwind. I fired up my Netflix and found a film that sounded entertaining enough..."Conversations With Other Women." I'm really glad I watched it; it hit me in just the right way. While Aaron Eckhart's character reminds me of Adam, the relationship reminds me of another. The terrible thing is, I can see myself in the shoes of Helena Bonham Carter's character some twenty years from now. That place is depressing and wonderful all at once. So is the place I was before, I suppose. I still don't know what to do with those particular pieces. Going back to therapy might be useful, though I'd have to find a job which provides insurance before I could do that sort of thing, and I know that won't be happening anytime in the near future. Hopefully continuing to try to get through it on my own will help me to keep growing, and in a positive direction. We'll see. In the meantime, I have this concert to look forward to, as well as a job. Another adventure. Another direction to run.
Even more of a shitstorm swirled around me after that news, so when I came home today I needed to unwind. I fired up my Netflix and found a film that sounded entertaining enough..."Conversations With Other Women." I'm really glad I watched it; it hit me in just the right way. While Aaron Eckhart's character reminds me of Adam, the relationship reminds me of another. The terrible thing is, I can see myself in the shoes of Helena Bonham Carter's character some twenty years from now. That place is depressing and wonderful all at once. So is the place I was before, I suppose. I still don't know what to do with those particular pieces. Going back to therapy might be useful, though I'd have to find a job which provides insurance before I could do that sort of thing, and I know that won't be happening anytime in the near future. Hopefully continuing to try to get through it on my own will help me to keep growing, and in a positive direction. We'll see. In the meantime, I have this concert to look forward to, as well as a job. Another adventure. Another direction to run.