Desire
I've realized--finally--that I have absolutely no idea what I want.
I don't know what I want in the career department. I got this degree and thought it would spur me on to do greater, or at least further things. I've realized that I have no urge or passion for any further thing in particular. Do I want to do counseling, like I wanted at the start? Do I want to do research? Do I want to take advantage of the fact that I actually got into a grad program and get into HR? Do I want to do something completely different, like editing or getting into publication in some alternative way? I feel no push or pull, nothing directing me.
I don't know what I want in the relationship department. I enjoy having someone to belong to, someone to be with, someone to invest in. However, I also enjoy being on my own: not having to answer to anyone, being able to focus on my personal growth, not having to compromise. I would love some stability, but I also want flexibility. I want to not have to worry about dating or finding "the one" because I don't have the desire to be with anyone but this one person, but at the same time, I can't see myself getting married. I honestly can't even picture my wedding anymore; I can't picture what it will be like to be 20 years into a marriage.
I don't know what I want in the location department. I would love to settle down someplace where I will be more than content. I also want to continue to travel and I feel like the best way to do that is to continue seasonal work. I'm not going to get a job where I can make lots of money and take time off and travel when/wherever I'd like anytime soon, so it seems practical to continue these "working vacations." However, this idea feeds into figuring out what I want to do career-wise.
...And the vicious cycle starts over again.
I don't know what I want in the career department. I got this degree and thought it would spur me on to do greater, or at least further things. I've realized that I have no urge or passion for any further thing in particular. Do I want to do counseling, like I wanted at the start? Do I want to do research? Do I want to take advantage of the fact that I actually got into a grad program and get into HR? Do I want to do something completely different, like editing or getting into publication in some alternative way? I feel no push or pull, nothing directing me.
I don't know what I want in the relationship department. I enjoy having someone to belong to, someone to be with, someone to invest in. However, I also enjoy being on my own: not having to answer to anyone, being able to focus on my personal growth, not having to compromise. I would love some stability, but I also want flexibility. I want to not have to worry about dating or finding "the one" because I don't have the desire to be with anyone but this one person, but at the same time, I can't see myself getting married. I honestly can't even picture my wedding anymore; I can't picture what it will be like to be 20 years into a marriage.
I don't know what I want in the location department. I would love to settle down someplace where I will be more than content. I also want to continue to travel and I feel like the best way to do that is to continue seasonal work. I'm not going to get a job where I can make lots of money and take time off and travel when/wherever I'd like anytime soon, so it seems practical to continue these "working vacations." However, this idea feeds into figuring out what I want to do career-wise.
...And the vicious cycle starts over again.