Laser Quest, and, in retrospect, other things
Tonight, the gang and I went Laser Questin'. Hugh, Jarrett, and I each won a separate match. It was really great to be back with the old crew doing something we used to do a lot. I actually feel like I'm separated from you guys. Summer was a time of relative isolation, a time for me to find myself. And while I am so very glad that happened, I am not very happy with the gaps in my friendships. I ostracized a lot of people, and while I think it was an unavoidable side-effect of the necessary thing that had to be done, it is still hard to feel like you have a very surface-level friendship. I don't mean that our friendships have become completely shallow. I would just like to have a talk every once in a while. Honestly, I feel most distant from you Jarrett. I can't remember if it was different or anything, but we only really connect when we joke. And while there is no one else who can complement me and be complemented by me like you, I can't seem to shake a feeling of disinterest in other interactions.
I'm sick of doxa. I want something of substance. No more meaningless conversation. I want more, and that's not a bad thing. The reason that this world is so messed up, the reason people hate me, the reason there is hate in the first place is because people don't talk and they don't listen. I am trying to listen a whole lot more to what you are saying, but we both really need to talk.
I don't care what people think of me. If they think I'm a rude, critical person, someone who lives to manipulate innocent people with my backwards view of dating, then I'm not going to be able to change their conceptions. Reinforce them for all I care. But I don't think I am what those people do, and I know that, even if I was, I would still have friends who would accept me and help me with it. Those other people don't even factor into the equation. And I'm sorry that I've hurt those that I love. I never meant it. I never have. It's quite possibly one of the last things I'd want to do. And I'm sorry I didn't keep up over summer. I'm sorry. What we had before doesn't need to fall through the gap I've made. That's all. Take from it what you will.
I'm sick of doxa. I want something of substance. No more meaningless conversation. I want more, and that's not a bad thing. The reason that this world is so messed up, the reason people hate me, the reason there is hate in the first place is because people don't talk and they don't listen. I am trying to listen a whole lot more to what you are saying, but we both really need to talk.
I don't care what people think of me. If they think I'm a rude, critical person, someone who lives to manipulate innocent people with my backwards view of dating, then I'm not going to be able to change their conceptions. Reinforce them for all I care. But I don't think I am what those people do, and I know that, even if I was, I would still have friends who would accept me and help me with it. Those other people don't even factor into the equation. And I'm sorry that I've hurt those that I love. I never meant it. I never have. It's quite possibly one of the last things I'd want to do. And I'm sorry I didn't keep up over summer. I'm sorry. What we had before doesn't need to fall through the gap I've made. That's all. Take from it what you will.