Politics as Usual
"'Scuse me guys - Phil Ivey comin' through."
-Phil Ivey
Let me begin by thanking all the campus politicians at UF. Thank you for introducing yourselves. After all, on such a populous campus, who doesn't need another friend? Thank you for taking the time to read each line of your party's platform. After all, with such illiterate students, why assume that people know how to read? Thank you for walking with me to class. After all, who the fuck needs to get to class on time? Thank you for handing me stickers. After all, why the fuck wouldn't I want a sticker?
Notice I didn't just say, "FUCK YOU CAMPUS POLITICIANS!". That's because a few of my friends - namely Liz, Will, and Sean - are lobbying for Unite, and they're all good people, despite their perpetuation of an evil ritual (namely Student Government elections). In fact, had it not been for Liz, I certainly wouldn't have found the patience or motivation to write another issue of College Redux.
On Friday, a bunch of us went to the VSO Dance Show to see Evan perform. Having listened to the song he'd be dancing to and seeing parts of the act already, I knew that it was an opportunity I'd regret passing up. The song, "Lemme Take it From Here" by Justin Timberlake has one line that I'm still trying to understand:
"I want to be your sky - so blue and high."
I've had this conversation with a couple people already, but maybe including it here will help me gain a better understanding of the line's overt and covert meaning. Now, I'm an English major, so pardon me for dissecting this probably-tenuous lyric, but here it goes: Overtly, the phrase "so blue and high" denotes a blue person (in my mind, a smurf) levitating. Covertly, it denotes a depressed stoner. Thus, to me, this line evokes an image of Papa Smurf tripping out while riding Aladdin's magic carpet and contemplating suicide. Am I wrong? Anyway, Evan and his troupe put on a stunning performance, complete with a self-imposed body massage by Evan which looked like something Chau Giang did in the 2004 Pot Limit Omaha WSOP Event (Adam Kol might know what I'm talking about). But the highlight of the show was seeing Phil Ivey dance alongside Evan. Afterwards, we met the high-stakes poker phenom (and apparently a dancer on the side)and took a picture together, which is now on Facebook.
Evan, Gage, Ramon, and I went to an afterparty at Lanh's (the VSO President) house where we once again ran into Phil Ivey. While we were standing in the kitchen pouring shots, Phil started navigating through us. "'Scuse me guys, Phil Ivey comin' through!"
It was then that I realized how powerful Phil Ivey was. As soon as he said that, everyone froze and let him through. Do all Black people have this effect? Anyway, we all took shots, most of which were dedicated to something. I'll try to remember what most of the dedications were:
Shot 1: VSO
Shot 2: FullTiltPoker.com (which Phil Ivey partially owns)
Shot 3: FullTiltPoker.com
Shot 4: Evan "The Boss" Tran
Shot 5: FullTiltPoker.com
Shot 6: Phil Ivey
Shot 7-10: ??
At first, you were wondering why I randomly stopped writing about my experiences in the Turlington Courtyard, but as soon as I mentioned Phil Ivey, you stopped caring. Rest assured, there is a connection. Yesterday afternoon, I donned my red Unite shirt - not just because I support most of the Unite candidates (especially Brandon Siler, 'cause who wouldn't want a Linebacker fighting for all-night computer lab access?), but mostly to repel campus politicians. Every morning, David and I meet at Target Copy for breakfast, and lately, I've had to avoid Turlington just to get there on time. But yesterday, with the Unite logo emblazoned across my chest, I strolled through the courtyard without having anyone confront me. I was so happy that I cracked a genuine smile - which probably scared the politicians away since I looked maniacal. While I was walking and smiling, I felt like Phil Ivey! People respected me so much that they didn't try to brainwash, befriend, or patronize me! Now, I know Phil Ivey has to deal with some stupidity (like the guy who said, "Hey Phil - can you spot me $1k? It means nothing to you" online), but I guess today was my lucky day. I've never felt so good in my life - except when I'm with Jeanna. She's my gongchu. Which is Korean for sex slave. Ask Mike to show you the contract I drew up.
Oh, I've been making my own wraps lately to undercut Graham Oasis. I figure this will lower their quarterly profits by about 25%. If I get good enough, I'll contact Dr. Dre. I could probably find something else to write about, but I think I'll cut it off here. Consider this Part I of a two part segment. Part II coming soon.
Thanks for the read. Comments welcome.
Pd. Pol. Ad. Fuck. You.
-Phil Ivey
Let me begin by thanking all the campus politicians at UF. Thank you for introducing yourselves. After all, on such a populous campus, who doesn't need another friend? Thank you for taking the time to read each line of your party's platform. After all, with such illiterate students, why assume that people know how to read? Thank you for walking with me to class. After all, who the fuck needs to get to class on time? Thank you for handing me stickers. After all, why the fuck wouldn't I want a sticker?
Notice I didn't just say, "FUCK YOU CAMPUS POLITICIANS!". That's because a few of my friends - namely Liz, Will, and Sean - are lobbying for Unite, and they're all good people, despite their perpetuation of an evil ritual (namely Student Government elections). In fact, had it not been for Liz, I certainly wouldn't have found the patience or motivation to write another issue of College Redux.
On Friday, a bunch of us went to the VSO Dance Show to see Evan perform. Having listened to the song he'd be dancing to and seeing parts of the act already, I knew that it was an opportunity I'd regret passing up. The song, "Lemme Take it From Here" by Justin Timberlake has one line that I'm still trying to understand:
"I want to be your sky - so blue and high."
I've had this conversation with a couple people already, but maybe including it here will help me gain a better understanding of the line's overt and covert meaning. Now, I'm an English major, so pardon me for dissecting this probably-tenuous lyric, but here it goes: Overtly, the phrase "so blue and high" denotes a blue person (in my mind, a smurf) levitating. Covertly, it denotes a depressed stoner. Thus, to me, this line evokes an image of Papa Smurf tripping out while riding Aladdin's magic carpet and contemplating suicide. Am I wrong? Anyway, Evan and his troupe put on a stunning performance, complete with a self-imposed body massage by Evan which looked like something Chau Giang did in the 2004 Pot Limit Omaha WSOP Event (Adam Kol might know what I'm talking about). But the highlight of the show was seeing Phil Ivey dance alongside Evan. Afterwards, we met the high-stakes poker phenom (and apparently a dancer on the side)and took a picture together, which is now on Facebook.
Evan, Gage, Ramon, and I went to an afterparty at Lanh's (the VSO President) house where we once again ran into Phil Ivey. While we were standing in the kitchen pouring shots, Phil started navigating through us. "'Scuse me guys, Phil Ivey comin' through!"
It was then that I realized how powerful Phil Ivey was. As soon as he said that, everyone froze and let him through. Do all Black people have this effect? Anyway, we all took shots, most of which were dedicated to something. I'll try to remember what most of the dedications were:
Shot 1: VSO
Shot 2: FullTiltPoker.com (which Phil Ivey partially owns)
Shot 3: FullTiltPoker.com
Shot 4: Evan "The Boss" Tran
Shot 5: FullTiltPoker.com
Shot 6: Phil Ivey
Shot 7-10: ??
At first, you were wondering why I randomly stopped writing about my experiences in the Turlington Courtyard, but as soon as I mentioned Phil Ivey, you stopped caring. Rest assured, there is a connection. Yesterday afternoon, I donned my red Unite shirt - not just because I support most of the Unite candidates (especially Brandon Siler, 'cause who wouldn't want a Linebacker fighting for all-night computer lab access?), but mostly to repel campus politicians. Every morning, David and I meet at Target Copy for breakfast, and lately, I've had to avoid Turlington just to get there on time. But yesterday, with the Unite logo emblazoned across my chest, I strolled through the courtyard without having anyone confront me. I was so happy that I cracked a genuine smile - which probably scared the politicians away since I looked maniacal. While I was walking and smiling, I felt like Phil Ivey! People respected me so much that they didn't try to brainwash, befriend, or patronize me! Now, I know Phil Ivey has to deal with some stupidity (like the guy who said, "Hey Phil - can you spot me $1k? It means nothing to you" online), but I guess today was my lucky day. I've never felt so good in my life - except when I'm with Jeanna. She's my gongchu. Which is Korean for sex slave. Ask Mike to show you the contract I drew up.
Oh, I've been making my own wraps lately to undercut Graham Oasis. I figure this will lower their quarterly profits by about 25%. If I get good enough, I'll contact Dr. Dre. I could probably find something else to write about, but I think I'll cut it off here. Consider this Part I of a two part segment. Part II coming soon.
Thanks for the read. Comments welcome.
Pd. Pol. Ad. Fuck. You.