(no subject)
I'm feeling discouraged a lot lately... No, that's not the right word for it.
Work feels like a constant drag now. I'm not sure if it's just due to the game I'm working on or not, but it's just a constant drag. I don't want to drag myself out of bed in the mornings to go, and I'm wanting to go home by 3 in the afternoon even though all I do is play wow at home...
Maybe the problem is wow. I had felt so energized there for the 6 weeks I had stopped playing it and I even found myself being really productive at work... and now I just don't care again. I dunno. Perhaps I've just found my limit of ability to care and now there's an issue of where to focus it.
It's all just become so... routine. "Get up, go to work, get home from work, raid until 1 in the morning, stay up and bitch about people who got us killed/are stupid/etc., go to sleep, rinse, repeat". The only thing that varies in the day is... when I get food, what I end up eating, and... when I actually get to bed. Some nights I'm bitching till 3 am, others it'll stop at 1:30 am.
I'm still trying to be a nice guy to everyone, but I'm sure I come off as a dick more often than not... or selfish, or needy... god only knows. I can say I'm more than a little stressed because of raiding, especially when it comes to 25 man content (mostly because we have like 7 or 8 people who can't get sit down and be serious for five minutes) and when I think about how my performance at work (Which is generally poor in terms of overall numbers). I've never felt like being a leader was something I was meant to do or would be good at, but I'm an officer in my guild *and* one of the raid leaders simply due to my actions, so they (the other officers) think I'm cut out for it and... well... there's only like 4 of us who are willing to do it.
As previously stated - Work is feeling like a drag... but that's really just because I don't like where things are going. It seems more and more like NGMoco is trying to convert us into their own solo testing company, to have us 'wrapped around their finger' as it were, and with the new boss taking things the way he is... it seems to be working. Things have felt a lot more serious since he stated, and I haven't even had an encounter with him ripping on me because I didn't find something earlier (which will go badly when it does, because he'll rip on me and I'll probably tell him off). On top of that, we still have a shitty ass game that never really gets fixed because they're still too busy changing *something* when they want it released asap and keep pushing it back a week at a time because it's so not ready... and I'm pretty sure I'll be stuck on this bullshit until it's "done" (and by done I mean canceled or pushed out even though it's buggy as hell).
To top it all off: my sex drive is going full tilt lately, I feel entirely far too lonely, I want to find a companion to share my life with.... and as strange as it may sound, I feel like I have something big that I was meant to do. Something more than sitting at a desk all day and night, playing games. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, thinking that I'm destined to do something big that will change the world. Maybe it's just because I read way too many fantasy books, play too many RPGS, and watch too much anime.
I dunno, I'll just call it wanderlust for now...
I guess I am needy - I'm still trying to find a weekend gaming group or something.
Work feels like a constant drag now. I'm not sure if it's just due to the game I'm working on or not, but it's just a constant drag. I don't want to drag myself out of bed in the mornings to go, and I'm wanting to go home by 3 in the afternoon even though all I do is play wow at home...
Maybe the problem is wow. I had felt so energized there for the 6 weeks I had stopped playing it and I even found myself being really productive at work... and now I just don't care again. I dunno. Perhaps I've just found my limit of ability to care and now there's an issue of where to focus it.
It's all just become so... routine. "Get up, go to work, get home from work, raid until 1 in the morning, stay up and bitch about people who got us killed/are stupid/etc., go to sleep, rinse, repeat". The only thing that varies in the day is... when I get food, what I end up eating, and... when I actually get to bed. Some nights I'm bitching till 3 am, others it'll stop at 1:30 am.
I'm still trying to be a nice guy to everyone, but I'm sure I come off as a dick more often than not... or selfish, or needy... god only knows. I can say I'm more than a little stressed because of raiding, especially when it comes to 25 man content (mostly because we have like 7 or 8 people who can't get sit down and be serious for five minutes) and when I think about how my performance at work (Which is generally poor in terms of overall numbers). I've never felt like being a leader was something I was meant to do or would be good at, but I'm an officer in my guild *and* one of the raid leaders simply due to my actions, so they (the other officers) think I'm cut out for it and... well... there's only like 4 of us who are willing to do it.
As previously stated - Work is feeling like a drag... but that's really just because I don't like where things are going. It seems more and more like NGMoco is trying to convert us into their own solo testing company, to have us 'wrapped around their finger' as it were, and with the new boss taking things the way he is... it seems to be working. Things have felt a lot more serious since he stated, and I haven't even had an encounter with him ripping on me because I didn't find something earlier (which will go badly when it does, because he'll rip on me and I'll probably tell him off). On top of that, we still have a shitty ass game that never really gets fixed because they're still too busy changing *something* when they want it released asap and keep pushing it back a week at a time because it's so not ready... and I'm pretty sure I'll be stuck on this bullshit until it's "done" (and by done I mean canceled or pushed out even though it's buggy as hell).
To top it all off: my sex drive is going full tilt lately, I feel entirely far too lonely, I want to find a companion to share my life with.... and as strange as it may sound, I feel like I have something big that I was meant to do. Something more than sitting at a desk all day and night, playing games. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, thinking that I'm destined to do something big that will change the world. Maybe it's just because I read way too many fantasy books, play too many RPGS, and watch too much anime.
I dunno, I'll just call it wanderlust for now...
I guess I am needy - I'm still trying to find a weekend gaming group or something.