9.06 - The Vampires Unite
Yup, it gets more ridiculous but that's what makes it so fun!
Enjoy!
Previously:
O:
Ros (drops E): Juliet? She's alive?
E: And kicking.
Ros (rolls eyes): What does she want with Andrew?
E: I was to kill him; make you weak.
Ros (angry): She was going to WHAT?
Lucas: uh oh.
E: ... uh... kill him?
Ros: Oh, that's it, this bitch is going down!!!
*storms out*
Lucas: this is going to get ugly.
O:
Oh!
Ros (super angry - storms back in to cell holding a set of small stakes and a mallet): You will tell me everything! (slams mallet and wooden nails in front of E.)
E: I don't know anything!
Ros: (picks up wooden nail and gives slightly demonic smile): Are you sure about that?
Meanwhile:
Juliet (gliding toward London): I need to get her away from everyone... how do I do this...? Hmmm... *plots nefarious plan*
--
Em:
E: She has a magic painting! She uses it to control me. That's all I know!
Ros: *turns to leave*
E: *sigh of relief*
Ros: *turns round with mallet and wooden nail*
E: Owww! You gave me a splinter, bitch! aaaaahh. aaaaaaaah. choo! *sneezes*
Ros: It won't kill you, you baby. How many times do I have to even bother?
Juliet (from afar): Oh fiddlesticks. You never could do anything right. *destroys painting in a puff of smoke* Miss Myers will finish YOU off.
E: *out cold*
Lucas: Is everything okay there?
Ros: No everything is bloody well NOT okay
Lucas: Ah, what are you going to do...?
Ros: *raises eyebrow, annoyed* Spit it out, Lucas
Lucas: Kill E?
Ros: I'll deal with her later. On seconds thoughts, tie her up and take her to a good dentist.
At the dentist:
Lucas: I'd like comprehensive fang removal please
E: I am defangth! I haz a lipth! A lipth! *cries*
Dentist: *tuts* An apple a day...
Lucas: It wasn't really working.
Meanwhile...
Harry: *rings Andrew* Home Secretary, we need to talk...
--
O:
Andrew (doodling pictures of Ros) About what, Harry?
Harry: Err, this is going to sound a little crazy.
Andrew: Try me.
Harry *deep breath*: We believe that a woman with a grudge against Ros who is now a vampire plans to kill you!
Andrew *putting finishing touches on his Ros-sketch*: Okay, anything else?
Harry: Home Secretary, did you hear what I just said?
Andrew *sighs*: Evil plot, evil vampire with grudge, plan to kill me... have I missed anything?
Harry: No, that's about it.
Andrew: Then tally-ho, Sir Harry! *hangs up*
*Ruth looks up as Harry places phone down*
Ruth: Is anything the matter?
Harry *shrugs*: I think Ros is rubbing off on him!
Ruth: Uh oh!
Harry: My thoughts exactly.
--
Em:
Andrew (rings Lucas): Whereabouts are you? I'm coming there
Lucas:!!! Home Secretary, I do not think this is a good idea
E: Who isth it? Whoisth? Who!
Lucas: Uh...later, Tariq. *hangs up*
Andrew (rings Tariq): Tariq, I need you to TRACK. THAT. FORK.
Tariq: Ros will kill me if I do!
Andrew: I'll fire you if you don't.
Tariq: That's a good one, mate. And you'd have to fire Harry first.
Andrew: *waits*
Tariq: And then Ros would be mad. And Harry would be mad. And Lucas would be mad. And Ruth would be mad. And Malcolm would never let me borrow his gadgets ever again.
Andrew: *waits*
Tariq: Sigh. I'll do it!
...
Tariq: She's a minute away now...
Andrew: I'm almost there...
Tariq: No! You can't! There are vampires in there!
Ruth: *looks up, shakes her head in bafflement*
Harry: Well done, Tariq. Ruth, keep tracking Juliet.
Tariq: *jumps in his chair, narrows eyes suspiciously at Harry* I think I've been had.
--
O:
Andrew *enters the naturally ominous deserted warehouse*: Ros! Where are you?!
Ros *looks up; bored*: Well, I was hiding
Andrew: You're not now?
Ros: Funnily enough, no.
*Juliet creeps up behind and grabs Andrew, her teeth close to his jugular*
Juliet: I will kill him
Ros *raises eyebrows* Yeah, I don't know about that.
Juliet: Oh, really!
*goes to bite Andrew, but he spins away in a ninja!move learned from Ros, reaches into back pocket and withdraws...
Ros: You put the keyring I bought for you on that! Aww
--
Em:
(squee! keyring! I loooove it! That is so unbelievably cute! WWRD indeed! Also I feel I'm overusing this icon but its so damn appropriate everytime. also i think there's bits of the fight we wrote on the other post.)
Andrew: *holds up key knuckle dusters in one hand, sharp pointy stick in the other*
Juliet: *jumps at Ros*
Meanwhile on the grid:
Tariq: Ros is going to kill me. Ros is going to kill me. Ros is going to...
Ruth: What makes you think that? She's never killed you before.
Tariq:...
Ruth: *looks appealingly at Harry*
Harry: Er....quite true, Ruth. Quite true.
Tariq: Whoa! Did you see that ninja move?!
Harry: Which one?
Meanwhile in the cafe next door to the warehouse:
E: I soundth so stupidth. How could I beeth so stupidth? She was alwayth a bitch. Julieth. You haz badth luck with men, Elisabetha, I beth you can'th get deliciouthness...stupidth!
Lucas: An orange juice and a cranberry juice, please. Yes. Red as you can make it. Oh, and a straw please.
E: *sniff* You're so good to me. *goes to hug him*
Lucas: *jumps backwards* Er...quite. Now did you bring the popcorn?
E: *beams through tears* Yeth!
and they go next door...
--
O:
Juliet *mid-jump toward Ros*
Andrew *leaps forward and tackles out of way*: You'll never hurt her!!!
Ros: awww
--
Em:
Harry: *wide eyed* Pray the DG never hears of this
Ruth: I solemly swear
Tariq: *nods*
(Lucas and E enter the warehouse with drinks and popcorn, for all the world looking like two teenagers on a movie date.)
Harry: !!! Oh Lucas! Tariq, get over there!
Tariq: *runs*
Meanwhile:
Ros: *crazy kung fu with Juliet*
Juliet: *bares fangs and gets ready to bite her in the neck*
E: I canth watch! I canth watch!
Ros: *breaks J's nose; revolted when the blood is dark and gross and takes a step back.
Juliet: Hissss!
(The two circle each other like a bad Mexican western)
Andrew: *joins Lucas and E for popcorn*
E: *beams at Andrew*
Ros: *pauses to shoot a death glare at E, who cowers*
Andrew: That's my fiancee
Lucas: I know
Andrew: Isn't she magnificent?
Tariq: *joins them but is eating an apple in deference to the "grow up" comment"
Lucas: Tariq, don't eat that apple.
Tariq: Why not? You have popcorn!
Lucas: We may need it. Just in case.
Tariq (half-way through apple): Ah, why?
Lucas: substitute for blood
Tariq (raises eyebrows): Then use a bloody grapefruit! (resumes eating apple)
Meanwhile... Ros has Juliet in headlock and is reaching into back pocket for wooden fork
Juliet: Get off me!
Ros: Trust me, I am not enjoying this.
Juliet: Then why...?
Ros: Die, bloodsucker, die!
Juliet: I am the HEAD OF THE VAMPIRES! I AM FABULOUS -
Lucas: Ugh, no worse than Sarah C.
Juliet: I AM UNBEATABLE
Andrew: I don't think so.
Juliet: I AM INDESTRUCTABLE
Tariq: Not. A. Chance.
Juliet: I AM-
Ros: Oh just shut up. *stabs with wooden fork in one hand, super sized stake in the other*
Juliet: -dead *eyes roll and she falls down*
-
E: Next time, can I pick the movie?
Everyone: No!
--
O:
Ros *brushes away the one strand of loose hair from forehead and gets to her feet looking supremely regal*
Andrew *breathes*: Magnificent...
Tariq *mimes vomiting*
Harry: Tariq! Maturity!
Tariq: But it's so...
Lucas: Ridiculous?
E: I just vant to suck his blood
Lucas *raises eyebrows*: When did you become Transylvanian?
--
Em:
Andrew: Well, you can't. I'm sorry, but my blood belongs to me. And Ros, I suppose. If she wants it. Along with the rest of me.
Ros: Awwwww!
Andrew: So get used to that. Now where is Sir Harry Pearce?
E: Sigh. *slurps cranberry juice* Lucas...?
Lucas: NO!
E: But...
Lucas: Whatever you're going to ask. Just. No.
E: Can I have your straw? Thisth oneth well bitten.
Later at the grid.
Harry: Juliet's remains will be coffinated and then cremated. I'll sure we'll all want to be there for that.
Ruth: Yes! She called me a spaniel!
E: Coffinated?
Tariq: Sounds like caffeinated.
E: I like that. What was your name again?
Tariq: Tariq *smiles*
E: And your blood type?
Tariq: !!
Harry: Take E to an interrogation room, Lucas!
Lucas: Ros already interrogated her!
Harry: *stares*
E: I vas joking, Sir Harry. His blood is too...*inspects Tariq* fresh for my taste.
Tariq: *mutters* Oh charming.
Ruth: *mutters back* It's a good thing.
Tariq: Not for Harry.
Ruth: *looks alarmed*
E: I like this better *holds up juice carton*
--
At this point Jo and Zaf arrive back from Barbados:
Zaf: Missed me?
Jo: Anything happen?
Lucas: No.
Ros: *sarcastic* It's been uneventful
E: Julieth came bacth!
Tariq: They're both vampires!
Harry: We're about to recover the bathrobe
Andrew: My fluffy pink one!
E: Smells delicious!
Lucas: And now Juliet's caffeinated. Coffinated!
E: I vant a coffin shop. Coffee shop!
Ruth: You just wouldn't believe it!
Tariq: My indestructable fork!
Andrew: Ros agreed to marry me
Zaf: Uh...
Jo: I knew we should have stayed an extra day
--
O:
Ros: Are you saying that is a problem with Andrew and I getting married?
Zaf: What, no!
Ros: It sounded like it.
Zaf: Ros, we'd never think that!
Ros: Then why say something so hurtful?
Zaf: We meant nothing by it!
Ros: Andrew and I mean nothing?
Zaf: Jo, help me out here!
-
Em:
Jo: Congratulations, Ros. We're both very happy for you.
Zaf: *nods like crazy*
Jo: We must have a sleepover party! I can curl your hair. We can pick a dress...
Lucas: I'm not wearing a dress this time
Everyone: *looks at Lucas*
Lucas: Just setting a few things straight
Zaf: Yeah, like...is she your girlfriend? *looks at E*
Lucas: No.
Zaf: I thought she might be. She speaks funny.
Lucas: It's complicated
Zaf: I know you like the ones that speak funny.
Ruth: *warningly* Zaf
Zaf: Oh hi Ruth. *grins*
E: Vat did he say? I speath funny?
Tariq: It's okay. He's just miffed because Jo didn't wear her sunglasses.
Harry: It's been a long day. I suggest we all go home...
Zaf: Or party? Who wants to party?
--
O:
E: I vant to party. Party, party, party
Zaf: Okay; where'd you want to go?
E: Somevhere vith blood.
Zaf *raises eyebrows but shrugs* - soccer match it is then.
--
Ros *beaming at huge ring on her finger*: It's beautiful!
Tariq (to Ruth): Do I want to know how much that cost?
Ruth: Definitely not.
--
Lucas: They just look so...
E: Happy?
Lucas: Yes, it's sickening
--
Ros and Andrew walk away; Ros giggling and Andrew looking absurdly pleased with himself.
Harry *mutters*: That relationship is wrong on so many levels...
-
Em:
Ruth: I think they're cute. *takes Harry by the arm and gently leads him away*
--
Andrew: And it would make such a perfect knuckleduster...
Ros: Oh you are so thoughtful! *flexes knuckles* Oh yes *giggles*
Andrew: I'm going to start packing.
Ros: Oh not too many clothes! *giggle*
--
TV on the grid: ... Customs officials in Barbados have seized the biggest shipment of smuggled cutlery to ever cross the Atlantic. Our correspondant reports...
Harry: Ruth?
Ruth: Yes, Harry
Harry: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
Ruth: *hugs him* Lets go home.
--
In a bar after the football match...
E: I haz reached a perfect solution. With the thanks of Tariq and Andrew and Ros...
Lucas: *reads label*
Label says: Coffinated! The undead solution. Replace one addiction with another. Success guaranteed.
Instructions: Add 2 spoons of instant coffee, 1 spoon of wood splinters, cranberry juice and stir with an indestructable fork. Serve with multiple straws and little umbrellas.
Lucas: Umbrellas?
E: Vas Andrew's idea. He likes his cocktails, remember?
Jo: Ooooh, yes. Me too. It was nice of Ros not to kill you.
E: She is a littleth distracteth, I think. I hope she appretheth the wedding present.
Zaf: *raises glass* To Ros and Andrew! In sunny Barbados!
Lucas, E, Jo: Cheers! *drinks cocktail*
Zaf: *spits out*
Lucas: *chokes*
Jo: Mmmmmm...cranberry
E: I knew you'd like it!
Lucas: What...what did you say about a wedding present?
--
Ros: *rings Harry*: Where is LUCAS?
Harry: I have no idea.
Ros: They took my forks. They switched Andrew's drinks. Where. Is. Lucas? Where is THE fork? I am going to kill them.
--
Tariq: *rings Lucas*: I hate to break it to you, but...
E, Jo, Zaf, Lucas: *look to the door to see Ros standing there with a death glare on her face*
Tariq: RUN!
(the end)
Enjoy!
Previously:
O:
Ros (drops E): Juliet? She's alive?
E: And kicking.
Ros (rolls eyes): What does she want with Andrew?
E: I was to kill him; make you weak.
Ros (angry): She was going to WHAT?
Lucas: uh oh.
E: ... uh... kill him?
Ros: Oh, that's it, this bitch is going down!!!
*storms out*
Lucas: this is going to get ugly.
O:
Oh!
Ros (super angry - storms back in to cell holding a set of small stakes and a mallet): You will tell me everything! (slams mallet and wooden nails in front of E.)
E: I don't know anything!
Ros: (picks up wooden nail and gives slightly demonic smile): Are you sure about that?
Meanwhile:
Juliet (gliding toward London): I need to get her away from everyone... how do I do this...? Hmmm... *plots nefarious plan*
--
Em:
E: She has a magic painting! She uses it to control me. That's all I know!
Ros: *turns to leave*
E: *sigh of relief*
Ros: *turns round with mallet and wooden nail*
E: Owww! You gave me a splinter, bitch! aaaaahh. aaaaaaaah. choo! *sneezes*
Ros: It won't kill you, you baby. How many times do I have to even bother?
Juliet (from afar): Oh fiddlesticks. You never could do anything right. *destroys painting in a puff of smoke* Miss Myers will finish YOU off.
E: *out cold*
Lucas: Is everything okay there?
Ros: No everything is bloody well NOT okay
Lucas: Ah, what are you going to do...?
Ros: *raises eyebrow, annoyed* Spit it out, Lucas
Lucas: Kill E?
Ros: I'll deal with her later. On seconds thoughts, tie her up and take her to a good dentist.
At the dentist:
Lucas: I'd like comprehensive fang removal please
E: I am defangth! I haz a lipth! A lipth! *cries*
Dentist: *tuts* An apple a day...
Lucas: It wasn't really working.
Meanwhile...
Harry: *rings Andrew* Home Secretary, we need to talk...
--
O:
Andrew (doodling pictures of Ros) About what, Harry?
Harry: Err, this is going to sound a little crazy.
Andrew: Try me.
Harry *deep breath*: We believe that a woman with a grudge against Ros who is now a vampire plans to kill you!
Andrew *putting finishing touches on his Ros-sketch*: Okay, anything else?
Harry: Home Secretary, did you hear what I just said?
Andrew *sighs*: Evil plot, evil vampire with grudge, plan to kill me... have I missed anything?
Harry: No, that's about it.
Andrew: Then tally-ho, Sir Harry! *hangs up*
*Ruth looks up as Harry places phone down*
Ruth: Is anything the matter?
Harry *shrugs*: I think Ros is rubbing off on him!
Ruth: Uh oh!
Harry: My thoughts exactly.
--
Em:
Andrew (rings Lucas): Whereabouts are you? I'm coming there
Lucas:!!! Home Secretary, I do not think this is a good idea
E: Who isth it? Whoisth? Who!
Lucas: Uh...later, Tariq. *hangs up*
Andrew (rings Tariq): Tariq, I need you to TRACK. THAT. FORK.
Tariq: Ros will kill me if I do!
Andrew: I'll fire you if you don't.
Tariq: That's a good one, mate. And you'd have to fire Harry first.
Andrew: *waits*
Tariq: And then Ros would be mad. And Harry would be mad. And Lucas would be mad. And Ruth would be mad. And Malcolm would never let me borrow his gadgets ever again.
Andrew: *waits*
Tariq: Sigh. I'll do it!
...
Tariq: She's a minute away now...
Andrew: I'm almost there...
Tariq: No! You can't! There are vampires in there!
Ruth: *looks up, shakes her head in bafflement*
Harry: Well done, Tariq. Ruth, keep tracking Juliet.
Tariq: *jumps in his chair, narrows eyes suspiciously at Harry* I think I've been had.
--
O:
Andrew *enters the naturally ominous deserted warehouse*: Ros! Where are you?!
Ros *looks up; bored*: Well, I was hiding
Andrew: You're not now?
Ros: Funnily enough, no.
*Juliet creeps up behind and grabs Andrew, her teeth close to his jugular*
Juliet: I will kill him
Ros *raises eyebrows* Yeah, I don't know about that.
Juliet: Oh, really!
*goes to bite Andrew, but he spins away in a ninja!move learned from Ros, reaches into back pocket and withdraws...
Ros: You put the keyring I bought for you on that! Aww
--
Em:
(squee! keyring! I loooove it! That is so unbelievably cute! WWRD indeed! Also I feel I'm overusing this icon but its so damn appropriate everytime. also i think there's bits of the fight we wrote on the other post.)
Andrew: *holds up key knuckle dusters in one hand, sharp pointy stick in the other*
Juliet: *jumps at Ros*
Meanwhile on the grid:
Tariq: Ros is going to kill me. Ros is going to kill me. Ros is going to...
Ruth: What makes you think that? She's never killed you before.
Tariq:...
Ruth: *looks appealingly at Harry*
Harry: Er....quite true, Ruth. Quite true.
Tariq: Whoa! Did you see that ninja move?!
Harry: Which one?
Meanwhile in the cafe next door to the warehouse:
E: I soundth so stupidth. How could I beeth so stupidth? She was alwayth a bitch. Julieth. You haz badth luck with men, Elisabetha, I beth you can'th get deliciouthness...stupidth!
Lucas: An orange juice and a cranberry juice, please. Yes. Red as you can make it. Oh, and a straw please.
E: *sniff* You're so good to me. *goes to hug him*
Lucas: *jumps backwards* Er...quite. Now did you bring the popcorn?
E: *beams through tears* Yeth!
and they go next door...
--
O:
Juliet *mid-jump toward Ros*
Andrew *leaps forward and tackles out of way*: You'll never hurt her!!!
Ros: awww
--
Em:
Harry: *wide eyed* Pray the DG never hears of this
Ruth: I solemly swear
Tariq: *nods*
(Lucas and E enter the warehouse with drinks and popcorn, for all the world looking like two teenagers on a movie date.)
Harry: !!! Oh Lucas! Tariq, get over there!
Tariq: *runs*
Meanwhile:
Ros: *crazy kung fu with Juliet*
Juliet: *bares fangs and gets ready to bite her in the neck*
E: I canth watch! I canth watch!
Ros: *breaks J's nose; revolted when the blood is dark and gross and takes a step back.
Juliet: Hissss!
(The two circle each other like a bad Mexican western)
Andrew: *joins Lucas and E for popcorn*
E: *beams at Andrew*
Ros: *pauses to shoot a death glare at E, who cowers*
Andrew: That's my fiancee
Lucas: I know
Andrew: Isn't she magnificent?
Tariq: *joins them but is eating an apple in deference to the "grow up" comment"
Lucas: Tariq, don't eat that apple.
Tariq: Why not? You have popcorn!
Lucas: We may need it. Just in case.
Tariq (half-way through apple): Ah, why?
Lucas: substitute for blood
Tariq (raises eyebrows): Then use a bloody grapefruit! (resumes eating apple)
Meanwhile... Ros has Juliet in headlock and is reaching into back pocket for wooden fork
Juliet: Get off me!
Ros: Trust me, I am not enjoying this.
Juliet: Then why...?
Ros: Die, bloodsucker, die!
Juliet: I am the HEAD OF THE VAMPIRES! I AM FABULOUS -
Lucas: Ugh, no worse than Sarah C.
Juliet: I AM UNBEATABLE
Andrew: I don't think so.
Juliet: I AM INDESTRUCTABLE
Tariq: Not. A. Chance.
Juliet: I AM-
Ros: Oh just shut up. *stabs with wooden fork in one hand, super sized stake in the other*
Juliet: -dead *eyes roll and she falls down*
-
E: Next time, can I pick the movie?
Everyone: No!
--
O:
Ros *brushes away the one strand of loose hair from forehead and gets to her feet looking supremely regal*
Andrew *breathes*: Magnificent...
Tariq *mimes vomiting*
Harry: Tariq! Maturity!
Tariq: But it's so...
Lucas: Ridiculous?
E: I just vant to suck his blood
Lucas *raises eyebrows*: When did you become Transylvanian?
--
Em:
Andrew: Well, you can't. I'm sorry, but my blood belongs to me. And Ros, I suppose. If she wants it. Along with the rest of me.
Ros: Awwwww!
Andrew: So get used to that. Now where is Sir Harry Pearce?
E: Sigh. *slurps cranberry juice* Lucas...?
Lucas: NO!
E: But...
Lucas: Whatever you're going to ask. Just. No.
E: Can I have your straw? Thisth oneth well bitten.
Later at the grid.
Harry: Juliet's remains will be coffinated and then cremated. I'll sure we'll all want to be there for that.
Ruth: Yes! She called me a spaniel!
E: Coffinated?
Tariq: Sounds like caffeinated.
E: I like that. What was your name again?
Tariq: Tariq *smiles*
E: And your blood type?
Tariq: !!
Harry: Take E to an interrogation room, Lucas!
Lucas: Ros already interrogated her!
Harry: *stares*
E: I vas joking, Sir Harry. His blood is too...*inspects Tariq* fresh for my taste.
Tariq: *mutters* Oh charming.
Ruth: *mutters back* It's a good thing.
Tariq: Not for Harry.
Ruth: *looks alarmed*
E: I like this better *holds up juice carton*
--
At this point Jo and Zaf arrive back from Barbados:
Zaf: Missed me?
Jo: Anything happen?
Lucas: No.
Ros: *sarcastic* It's been uneventful
E: Julieth came bacth!
Tariq: They're both vampires!
Harry: We're about to recover the bathrobe
Andrew: My fluffy pink one!
E: Smells delicious!
Lucas: And now Juliet's caffeinated. Coffinated!
E: I vant a coffin shop. Coffee shop!
Ruth: You just wouldn't believe it!
Tariq: My indestructable fork!
Andrew: Ros agreed to marry me
Zaf: Uh...
Jo: I knew we should have stayed an extra day
--
O:
Ros: Are you saying that is a problem with Andrew and I getting married?
Zaf: What, no!
Ros: It sounded like it.
Zaf: Ros, we'd never think that!
Ros: Then why say something so hurtful?
Zaf: We meant nothing by it!
Ros: Andrew and I mean nothing?
Zaf: Jo, help me out here!
-
Em:
Jo: Congratulations, Ros. We're both very happy for you.
Zaf: *nods like crazy*
Jo: We must have a sleepover party! I can curl your hair. We can pick a dress...
Lucas: I'm not wearing a dress this time
Everyone: *looks at Lucas*
Lucas: Just setting a few things straight
Zaf: Yeah, like...is she your girlfriend? *looks at E*
Lucas: No.
Zaf: I thought she might be. She speaks funny.
Lucas: It's complicated
Zaf: I know you like the ones that speak funny.
Ruth: *warningly* Zaf
Zaf: Oh hi Ruth. *grins*
E: Vat did he say? I speath funny?
Tariq: It's okay. He's just miffed because Jo didn't wear her sunglasses.
Harry: It's been a long day. I suggest we all go home...
Zaf: Or party? Who wants to party?
--
O:
E: I vant to party. Party, party, party
Zaf: Okay; where'd you want to go?
E: Somevhere vith blood.
Zaf *raises eyebrows but shrugs* - soccer match it is then.
--
Ros *beaming at huge ring on her finger*: It's beautiful!
Tariq (to Ruth): Do I want to know how much that cost?
Ruth: Definitely not.
--
Lucas: They just look so...
E: Happy?
Lucas: Yes, it's sickening
--
Ros and Andrew walk away; Ros giggling and Andrew looking absurdly pleased with himself.
Harry *mutters*: That relationship is wrong on so many levels...
-
Em:
Ruth: I think they're cute. *takes Harry by the arm and gently leads him away*
--
Andrew: And it would make such a perfect knuckleduster...
Ros: Oh you are so thoughtful! *flexes knuckles* Oh yes *giggles*
Andrew: I'm going to start packing.
Ros: Oh not too many clothes! *giggle*
--
TV on the grid: ... Customs officials in Barbados have seized the biggest shipment of smuggled cutlery to ever cross the Atlantic. Our correspondant reports...
Harry: Ruth?
Ruth: Yes, Harry
Harry: I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.
Ruth: *hugs him* Lets go home.
--
In a bar after the football match...
E: I haz reached a perfect solution. With the thanks of Tariq and Andrew and Ros...
Lucas: *reads label*
Label says: Coffinated! The undead solution. Replace one addiction with another. Success guaranteed.
Instructions: Add 2 spoons of instant coffee, 1 spoon of wood splinters, cranberry juice and stir with an indestructable fork. Serve with multiple straws and little umbrellas.
Lucas: Umbrellas?
E: Vas Andrew's idea. He likes his cocktails, remember?
Jo: Ooooh, yes. Me too. It was nice of Ros not to kill you.
E: She is a littleth distracteth, I think. I hope she appretheth the wedding present.
Zaf: *raises glass* To Ros and Andrew! In sunny Barbados!
Lucas, E, Jo: Cheers! *drinks cocktail*
Zaf: *spits out*
Lucas: *chokes*
Jo: Mmmmmm...cranberry
E: I knew you'd like it!
Lucas: What...what did you say about a wedding present?
--
Ros: *rings Harry*: Where is LUCAS?
Harry: I have no idea.
Ros: They took my forks. They switched Andrew's drinks. Where. Is. Lucas? Where is THE fork? I am going to kill them.
--
Tariq: *rings Lucas*: I hate to break it to you, but...
E, Jo, Zaf, Lucas: *look to the door to see Ros standing there with a death glare on her face*
Tariq: RUN!
(the end)