The Big O: Part 1/5
Title: The Big O
Pairing: None as yet.
Genre: Crackfic
Disclaimer: Not mine. Boo.
Author’s Notes: My first foray into JE fic - conser and krissonia made me do it. :|
Summary: Emissaries from city-states, powerful merchants, and foreign royalty were sent to consult the Oracle before any major undertaking. The mighty jimusho has a problem, management has a solution, and Ueda has no idea why even the gods are taking it out on him.
The Big O
One.
Whenever a problem of governance arose in Ancient Greece, the decision-makers in charge involved flocked to one place, and one place only, to seek advice:
The Oracle at Delphi.
Delphi began as a tiny shrine near a crack in the earth in the heart of the Peloponnese. Though a small town eventually sprang up around the shrine - which itself was upgraded to a massive stone temple, in deference to Apollo - Delphi's omniscient powers never waned. As more and more problems were solved, greater offerings were given to the gods (and gold to the priestesses) in gratitude. It wasn't long before Delphi had gained a reputation throughout all the Mediterranean; Lydia, Caria, even Egypt and, much later, Rome held the Oracle's words in high esteem.
Emissaries from city-states, powerful merchants, and foreign royalty were sent to consult the Oracle before any major undertaking - though the Priestess who spoke for Apollo, known as the Pythia, never predicted the future; her job was to dispense guarded advice on how inadvertent disaster might be avoided.
And, despite the lack of foresight and ambiguous nature of the Pythia's words, advice dispensed in Delphi was always spot-on. One of the most famous tokens, "Get behind wooden walls" is hailed as a driving force in Athens' decisive victory in the Persian war.
Unfortunately, Oracle has been defunct for the last two thousand years, but-"
"Um, sorry." Ueda raised his hand. "But, ah, what does this have to do with me?"
Mary sighed from behind her desk. She steepled her fingers before her face, assuming what Nakamaru had dubbed The Lecture Position of Doom in their early days. It meant no escape.
"Pony Canyon's already kicking our ass this quarter," she began, "and now rumour has it they've got some hotshot exec from New York who wants w-inds. to do a gag spot on Saturday Night Live. All of my best groups are either tanking in sales, concentrating on solo projects or engaged in some sort of a lovers' spat and refusing to work together. Virgin is scaling back their orders in favour of some goddamned visual kei group that debuted above us on Oricon last week and I, for one, am-"
Certain that he'd heard the spiel before, Ueda turned his attention to two spiders racing up the wall just behind Mary's head. A third spider crawled out from under a picture frame, running headlong into the first two to form a wriggling, writhing spidery ball. It appeared as though they were eating each other. Or mating.
Maybe both.
Ew.
Mary's posture softened as she wound to a close ten minutes later, the surviving spider having retreated to the ceiling long before. She looked up at Ueda expectantly. Ueda was reminded of a time he'd been searching for his first year math tutorial and ended up in a third year advanced calculus lecture by mistake.
He coughed, stalling. "And?"
"And Johnny and I have an idea of how to remedy the situation, but it's a little risky. So we'd like a consult."
"A consult."
Koda-san, one of the senior Kansai managers, stepped forward. "You have been chosen to consult the Oracle on behalf of the Jimusho."
"Didn't you just say that the priestesses are gone?"
"A direct descendant of the Pythia has offered her services. New Age paganism is very vogue right now. "
Ueda blinked. "We're not even Greek."
"Neither was Alexander the Great." Koda smiled. Ueda thought it made him look like a shark. "Pack your bags, Ueda-kun. I want you on the next flight to Greece."
Two
Pairing: None as yet.
Genre: Crackfic
Disclaimer: Not mine. Boo.
Author’s Notes: My first foray into JE fic - conser and krissonia made me do it. :|
Summary: Emissaries from city-states, powerful merchants, and foreign royalty were sent to consult the Oracle before any major undertaking. The mighty jimusho has a problem, management has a solution, and Ueda has no idea why even the gods are taking it out on him.
The Big O
One.
Whenever a problem of governance arose in Ancient Greece, the decision-makers in charge involved flocked to one place, and one place only, to seek advice:
The Oracle at Delphi.
Delphi began as a tiny shrine near a crack in the earth in the heart of the Peloponnese. Though a small town eventually sprang up around the shrine - which itself was upgraded to a massive stone temple, in deference to Apollo - Delphi's omniscient powers never waned. As more and more problems were solved, greater offerings were given to the gods (and gold to the priestesses) in gratitude. It wasn't long before Delphi had gained a reputation throughout all the Mediterranean; Lydia, Caria, even Egypt and, much later, Rome held the Oracle's words in high esteem.
Emissaries from city-states, powerful merchants, and foreign royalty were sent to consult the Oracle before any major undertaking - though the Priestess who spoke for Apollo, known as the Pythia, never predicted the future; her job was to dispense guarded advice on how inadvertent disaster might be avoided.
And, despite the lack of foresight and ambiguous nature of the Pythia's words, advice dispensed in Delphi was always spot-on. One of the most famous tokens, "Get behind wooden walls" is hailed as a driving force in Athens' decisive victory in the Persian war.
Unfortunately, Oracle has been defunct for the last two thousand years, but-"
"Um, sorry." Ueda raised his hand. "But, ah, what does this have to do with me?"
Mary sighed from behind her desk. She steepled her fingers before her face, assuming what Nakamaru had dubbed The Lecture Position of Doom in their early days. It meant no escape.
"Pony Canyon's already kicking our ass this quarter," she began, "and now rumour has it they've got some hotshot exec from New York who wants w-inds. to do a gag spot on Saturday Night Live. All of my best groups are either tanking in sales, concentrating on solo projects or engaged in some sort of a lovers' spat and refusing to work together. Virgin is scaling back their orders in favour of some goddamned visual kei group that debuted above us on Oricon last week and I, for one, am-"
Certain that he'd heard the spiel before, Ueda turned his attention to two spiders racing up the wall just behind Mary's head. A third spider crawled out from under a picture frame, running headlong into the first two to form a wriggling, writhing spidery ball. It appeared as though they were eating each other. Or mating.
Maybe both.
Ew.
Mary's posture softened as she wound to a close ten minutes later, the surviving spider having retreated to the ceiling long before. She looked up at Ueda expectantly. Ueda was reminded of a time he'd been searching for his first year math tutorial and ended up in a third year advanced calculus lecture by mistake.
He coughed, stalling. "And?"
"And Johnny and I have an idea of how to remedy the situation, but it's a little risky. So we'd like a consult."
"A consult."
Koda-san, one of the senior Kansai managers, stepped forward. "You have been chosen to consult the Oracle on behalf of the Jimusho."
"Didn't you just say that the priestesses are gone?"
"A direct descendant of the Pythia has offered her services. New Age paganism is very vogue right now. "
Ueda blinked. "We're not even Greek."
"Neither was Alexander the Great." Koda smiled. Ueda thought it made him look like a shark. "Pack your bags, Ueda-kun. I want you on the next flight to Greece."
Two