Entry 03 : Fuck the Apple-pie Life
Title:Fuck the apple-pie life
Entry number: 03
Author: saraste_impi
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing Dean/Sam
Genres: angst, slash
Warnings: spoilers for eps 5x22 and S6x01, wincest
Word Count: 1568
Summary: Dean's been trying to keep the promise he made to Sam and go on and then Sam comes back.
A/N: This is basically a rewrite of the first episode of season six with fangirl goggles on. Some of the lines are borrowed from the ep. I got back into watching Supernatural quite recently and got hooked and became a wincest shipper. <3
X-posted from hentai_contest, written there for prompt #64 - gay or straight.
“You go live some normal, apple-pie life, promise me, Dean!”
* * *
Sam came back wrong.
Dean doesn't notice it right from the get go, it takes it's sweet time to sink in but finally Dean gets it. That first look at Sam, once his eyes focused, Dean had really thinks that he'd died and gone to Heaven. Dying wouldn't have been that bad with the way his life had been going, and if he would have been with Sam...
Dean had only shacked together with Lisa because Sam had asked. She was sexy and all and he'd felt an attraction and it had been good for a time but... she'd not been Sam. Dean hadn't wanted her to be his brother, it was impossible, but he would have wanted it to be something... more.
It had felt fine, for a few weeks at least, to be normal. Then the everyday boringness and humdrum had started to feel a bit too boring, the pretense that all was ok too much. And Lisa still hadn't been Sam. Dan had missed his brother with a horrible ache in his cut, wrenching at his soul. It had hurt so bad, especially during the nights when he'd dreamed of Sam, even when waking up to a world where there was no Sam had really been the icing on the fucking cake. Dean knew that what he and Sam had had, it had been so messed up. They'd crossed the line somewhere, but neither of them had wanted to uncross it, once they'd stumbled over it. And then Sam had smiled and gone into the cage and broken Dean into a million pieces.
Lisa hadn't put him back together. She hadn't even known how broken he'd been.
With her, Dean just went through the motions, settling into a life he thought that Sam had wanted for him. No hunting. Just a normal boring life with a paycheck and a nine to five job and a kid and a girlfriend, fucking apple-pie life all the way. It should have felt good. But Dean was just holding up the pretense. He was going through the motions with her, trying to enjoy it but unable to. Because Sam was gone and there was no way that he could bring him back without breaking the promise he'd made... or freeing Lucifer. Not that he hadn't tried. Sam should have known better. Neither of them had let the other lay peacefully after either of them had died. And they'd died a lot.
For a year, Dean had wanted nothing more than to see his brother again.
Yet, when he had, Dean can't believe what he sees. Sam, sitting there, all casual and saying ”Hey, Dean.” Just like it's okay, when it really isn't. Like Dean hadn't been without him for a whole year, like he hadn't seen Sam go, like the nightmares had never happened. Like he hadn't dreamed of holding Sam close to him, doing things with him no brothers should.
Dean had tried to be like he'd been before, he'd tried to be the Dean who womanized and slept around, picking up women where-ever, only with just one woman this time. That was why he'd gone to Lisa, before Lucifer had taken Sam over, Dean had thought that she would keep him from losing it. Even when every time he'd held her, he'd wished it had been Sam. Sam had ruined him for anyone else. Dean had needed his brother so badly.
And then he was there and Dean didn't know what he should say.
He wants to push Sam down and rip his clothes and just thrust. He wants to grab Sam and punch him and berate him for having been gone. He wants to yank Sam close and kiss him until they both pass out. He wants it all. He wants Sam in his arms again. So he hugs him close, relieved. Holding Sam for only a second, reality kicks in and Dean lets go, questioning Sam over what has happened, how he's back, his voice shaking.
An eternity passes in the moment that Sam doesn't grab Dean back and kiss him. Dean close yet so far away from Sam in that room, a room he's never been in. He looks at Sam and wonders if he's ever known his brother at all.
“How long have you been back? How long have you been back, Sam?” Dean asks, his voice shaking, he doubts he'll like the answer, yet needs to hear it from Sam, his brother. His... something.
“About a year.” His brother says it's like it's nothing.
Sam's answer is something Dean doesn't wanna hear but does anyway. He wants to not believe it. Sam can't have been back a year. It's just plain cruel. So he lashes out at Sam, berating.
“You finally had what you wanted, Dean.” Sam answer's. He looks like believes in what he says. He spews some shit of what he things Dean wanted but Dean doesn't listen. Sam's face is kínda starting to piss Dean off. He can't show some emotion after they've not seen each other in a year?
Dean explodes. “I wanted my brother! ALIVE.” He's wanted Sam so bad it was a physical ache he could barely hide, and only just did, drowning it in a bottle.
Sam looks at him, his face not showing any emotion. It seems like he's not touched by any of it. Like he's... wrong, damaged somehow. Dean can't understand it. His hands itch to touch but he... can't. He wants to kiss but can't. He's happy, kinda, later, when they go meet the Campbells, and Samuel,that he didn't. Had he thrown Sam on the floor to have his way with him the others would have heard everything. Dean doesn't know if Sam has told about them, probably hasn't, but even if he has, Dean would never have his brother where others would hear. He can't let out the nature of their relationship.
The way Sam acts, Dean wonders if his brother is really back at all.
* * *
Later, at Bobby's, with Lisa and Ben neatly tucked away in the second floor, Dean is angry.
“Do you have any idea what walking away meant for me?” Dean asks Bobby, after hearing that Bobby knew all along Sam was back, knowing that of course Bobby doesn't know how much Dean has been hurting. Because no-one knows, just him and Sam, and Dean's not even sure Sam does. His Sammy. Even as he aches to grab his brother, even with Bobby right there, Dean knows that he's maybe already lost him, even when Sam came back. He's too distant. The words are for Sam but his brother says nothing.
Dean had expected their hug to turn to making out, even with Sam knowing their cousins and Samuel were in the next room. The Sam who had not yet gone to Hell would have done it. That Sam would have come back for Dean earlier. And that's what hurts Dean the most. Sam giving him a chance of something normal. Something that's not what they had, what their brotherhood had become.
Dean looks at his brother and wonders who the hell he is.
* * *
After the hunt, in Lisa's house, Dean finally loses it. He grabs Sam and kisses him, hard. He's ached for this for so long. He's missed Sam so much. He's been so close to quitting many times. But he hadn't ended it because he'd promised Sam. Who doesn't seem to think that promises count for much anything, now. Not that Dean had wrung a promise of him to come back if he ever escaped Hell. He's let Sam go and it had broken him. That last look when Sam had just stood there after Lucifer had beaten the living daylights outta Dean. The last Dean saw before earth swallowed up Sam as well as Lucifer and Michael riding Adam's skin.
Dean had gone to Lisa and tried. He'd stripped away who he'd been and tried to keep his promise.
And now he's kissing Sam and his brother is cold. There's no passion there, it's like Dean's kissing a doll made of flesh, made to look like his brother. Dean gropes Sam for anything, something, but comes out empty. Sam responses with all the appropriate gasps and gropes, pushing at Dean until they're on the sofa and then on the floor. Their hips grind together, so that works, but the passion is gone. Dean still comes harder that he has in a year. He's sure Sam does too, he grips Dean so tight, grunting. And then they're there, on the floor of Dean's house and he doesn't know what to do. His jeans cling to his groin, sticky and he looks down at Sam and knows his brother is somehow wrong. Sam says nothing and it breaks Dean a little more.
They go outside into the morning-fresh world and nothing is right. Sam is leaving and they've not said a word. Dean is gripped by the wrongness of it all and doesn't really listen what Sam's saying to him. It's clear Sam wants him to live the life he's lived for a year now, not be with him.
* * *
Sam is trying to tell Dean that something is wrong with him, as they stand on the curb in a suburb where Dean's has had a year of apple-pie life, but Dean ignores him.
Entry number: 03
Author: saraste_impi
Fandom: Supernatural
Pairing Dean/Sam
Genres: angst, slash
Warnings: spoilers for eps 5x22 and S6x01, wincest
Word Count: 1568
Summary: Dean's been trying to keep the promise he made to Sam and go on and then Sam comes back.
A/N: This is basically a rewrite of the first episode of season six with fangirl goggles on. Some of the lines are borrowed from the ep. I got back into watching Supernatural quite recently and got hooked and became a wincest shipper. <3
X-posted from hentai_contest, written there for prompt #64 - gay or straight.
“You go live some normal, apple-pie life, promise me, Dean!”
* * *
Sam came back wrong.
Dean doesn't notice it right from the get go, it takes it's sweet time to sink in but finally Dean gets it. That first look at Sam, once his eyes focused, Dean had really thinks that he'd died and gone to Heaven. Dying wouldn't have been that bad with the way his life had been going, and if he would have been with Sam...
Dean had only shacked together with Lisa because Sam had asked. She was sexy and all and he'd felt an attraction and it had been good for a time but... she'd not been Sam. Dean hadn't wanted her to be his brother, it was impossible, but he would have wanted it to be something... more.
It had felt fine, for a few weeks at least, to be normal. Then the everyday boringness and humdrum had started to feel a bit too boring, the pretense that all was ok too much. And Lisa still hadn't been Sam. Dan had missed his brother with a horrible ache in his cut, wrenching at his soul. It had hurt so bad, especially during the nights when he'd dreamed of Sam, even when waking up to a world where there was no Sam had really been the icing on the fucking cake. Dean knew that what he and Sam had had, it had been so messed up. They'd crossed the line somewhere, but neither of them had wanted to uncross it, once they'd stumbled over it. And then Sam had smiled and gone into the cage and broken Dean into a million pieces.
Lisa hadn't put him back together. She hadn't even known how broken he'd been.
With her, Dean just went through the motions, settling into a life he thought that Sam had wanted for him. No hunting. Just a normal boring life with a paycheck and a nine to five job and a kid and a girlfriend, fucking apple-pie life all the way. It should have felt good. But Dean was just holding up the pretense. He was going through the motions with her, trying to enjoy it but unable to. Because Sam was gone and there was no way that he could bring him back without breaking the promise he'd made... or freeing Lucifer. Not that he hadn't tried. Sam should have known better. Neither of them had let the other lay peacefully after either of them had died. And they'd died a lot.
For a year, Dean had wanted nothing more than to see his brother again.
Yet, when he had, Dean can't believe what he sees. Sam, sitting there, all casual and saying ”Hey, Dean.” Just like it's okay, when it really isn't. Like Dean hadn't been without him for a whole year, like he hadn't seen Sam go, like the nightmares had never happened. Like he hadn't dreamed of holding Sam close to him, doing things with him no brothers should.
Dean had tried to be like he'd been before, he'd tried to be the Dean who womanized and slept around, picking up women where-ever, only with just one woman this time. That was why he'd gone to Lisa, before Lucifer had taken Sam over, Dean had thought that she would keep him from losing it. Even when every time he'd held her, he'd wished it had been Sam. Sam had ruined him for anyone else. Dean had needed his brother so badly.
And then he was there and Dean didn't know what he should say.
He wants to push Sam down and rip his clothes and just thrust. He wants to grab Sam and punch him and berate him for having been gone. He wants to yank Sam close and kiss him until they both pass out. He wants it all. He wants Sam in his arms again. So he hugs him close, relieved. Holding Sam for only a second, reality kicks in and Dean lets go, questioning Sam over what has happened, how he's back, his voice shaking.
An eternity passes in the moment that Sam doesn't grab Dean back and kiss him. Dean close yet so far away from Sam in that room, a room he's never been in. He looks at Sam and wonders if he's ever known his brother at all.
“How long have you been back? How long have you been back, Sam?” Dean asks, his voice shaking, he doubts he'll like the answer, yet needs to hear it from Sam, his brother. His... something.
“About a year.” His brother says it's like it's nothing.
Sam's answer is something Dean doesn't wanna hear but does anyway. He wants to not believe it. Sam can't have been back a year. It's just plain cruel. So he lashes out at Sam, berating.
“You finally had what you wanted, Dean.” Sam answer's. He looks like believes in what he says. He spews some shit of what he things Dean wanted but Dean doesn't listen. Sam's face is kínda starting to piss Dean off. He can't show some emotion after they've not seen each other in a year?
Dean explodes. “I wanted my brother! ALIVE.” He's wanted Sam so bad it was a physical ache he could barely hide, and only just did, drowning it in a bottle.
Sam looks at him, his face not showing any emotion. It seems like he's not touched by any of it. Like he's... wrong, damaged somehow. Dean can't understand it. His hands itch to touch but he... can't. He wants to kiss but can't. He's happy, kinda, later, when they go meet the Campbells, and Samuel,that he didn't. Had he thrown Sam on the floor to have his way with him the others would have heard everything. Dean doesn't know if Sam has told about them, probably hasn't, but even if he has, Dean would never have his brother where others would hear. He can't let out the nature of their relationship.
The way Sam acts, Dean wonders if his brother is really back at all.
* * *
Later, at Bobby's, with Lisa and Ben neatly tucked away in the second floor, Dean is angry.
“Do you have any idea what walking away meant for me?” Dean asks Bobby, after hearing that Bobby knew all along Sam was back, knowing that of course Bobby doesn't know how much Dean has been hurting. Because no-one knows, just him and Sam, and Dean's not even sure Sam does. His Sammy. Even as he aches to grab his brother, even with Bobby right there, Dean knows that he's maybe already lost him, even when Sam came back. He's too distant. The words are for Sam but his brother says nothing.
Dean had expected their hug to turn to making out, even with Sam knowing their cousins and Samuel were in the next room. The Sam who had not yet gone to Hell would have done it. That Sam would have come back for Dean earlier. And that's what hurts Dean the most. Sam giving him a chance of something normal. Something that's not what they had, what their brotherhood had become.
Dean looks at his brother and wonders who the hell he is.
* * *
After the hunt, in Lisa's house, Dean finally loses it. He grabs Sam and kisses him, hard. He's ached for this for so long. He's missed Sam so much. He's been so close to quitting many times. But he hadn't ended it because he'd promised Sam. Who doesn't seem to think that promises count for much anything, now. Not that Dean had wrung a promise of him to come back if he ever escaped Hell. He's let Sam go and it had broken him. That last look when Sam had just stood there after Lucifer had beaten the living daylights outta Dean. The last Dean saw before earth swallowed up Sam as well as Lucifer and Michael riding Adam's skin.
Dean had gone to Lisa and tried. He'd stripped away who he'd been and tried to keep his promise.
And now he's kissing Sam and his brother is cold. There's no passion there, it's like Dean's kissing a doll made of flesh, made to look like his brother. Dean gropes Sam for anything, something, but comes out empty. Sam responses with all the appropriate gasps and gropes, pushing at Dean until they're on the sofa and then on the floor. Their hips grind together, so that works, but the passion is gone. Dean still comes harder that he has in a year. He's sure Sam does too, he grips Dean so tight, grunting. And then they're there, on the floor of Dean's house and he doesn't know what to do. His jeans cling to his groin, sticky and he looks down at Sam and knows his brother is somehow wrong. Sam says nothing and it breaks Dean a little more.
They go outside into the morning-fresh world and nothing is right. Sam is leaving and they've not said a word. Dean is gripped by the wrongness of it all and doesn't really listen what Sam's saying to him. It's clear Sam wants him to live the life he's lived for a year now, not be with him.
* * *
Sam is trying to tell Dean that something is wrong with him, as they stand on the curb in a suburb where Dean's has had a year of apple-pie life, but Dean ignores him.