Entry 01 - Rewind
Title: Rewind
Entry: 01
Author: Diane (bluelilyrose)
Fandom: One Tree Hill
Pairing: Nathan/Haley
Rating: Teen Rated
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing!
Spoilers/Warnings: This is an alternative version of episode 2.13 'The Hero Dies In This One'.
Word Count: 2,512
Summary: God, so much had happened between them in such a short period of time and as angry and hurt as he felt, he didn’t want to lose her. He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. He had to at least try to talk to her instead of just dishing out ultimatums like he had done earlier.
Author's Notes: This has been written for octoberwriting.
The anger swirled around and around inside of him as he stormed out of the apartment, not having any clue as to where he was headed for. He couldn’t believe what she had told him only a few minutes ago and his emotions were in such a jumble that he didn’t know whether he was more hurt than angry.
Deep down inside he knew this was a fantastic opportunity for Haley but he just didn’t understand why she didn’t want him to be a part of it. After all, hadn’t he been the one to encourage her pursuit of music when he had bought her the keyboard? The fact that she was willing to just pack up and leave him behind for weeks on end… that was what he couldn't understand.
His hands, which were shoved into his pockets, curled into fists as an image of Chris fucking Keller popped into his head and he felt the bile rise up into his throat at the knowledge that he’d kissed his wife. He’d guessed all along that bastard had had more than music on his mind where Haley was concerned and tonight she’d confirmed it for him. The thought of her leaving him behind for that… that Elvis wannabe made him want to throw up.
Taking several deep breaths, he fought to tamp down the nausea he felt and the cool night air seemed to help with that. Taking in his surroundings, he realized just where he had ended up, swallowing past the lump in his throat when he saw the bench where they had sat down at that very first day of tutoring. The flashback he suddenly experienced overwhelmed him and he remembered with crystal clear clarity slipping the colorful plastic Cracker Jack bracelet onto her wrist.
“Don’t say I never gave you anything.”
God, so much had happened between them in such a short period of time and as angry and hurt as he felt, he didn’t want to lose her. He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. He had to at least try to talk to her instead of just dishing out ultimatums like he had done earlier.
With one last look at his and Haley’s bench, he turned and ran.
* * * * *
Nathan let himself back into the apartment, his shoulders slumped dejectedly. From the docks, he had run as fast as he could to the bus station in the hopes of catching her there but he had been too late. The bus was just pulling away and despite calling her name at the top of his voice, it had carried on to its destination; his hopes of it stopping and her descending from it never coming to pass.
After that, he had wandered aimlessly through the town, not wanting to return to the empty apartment which he knew wouldn’t feel like home without her there with him. Eventually, he started to make his way back, his feet dragging with every step. He just hoped Taylor wasn’t around because he could do without her smartass comments tonight.
One of the first things he noticed when he entered was how quiet it was and he hated that this was how it was going to feel every time he walked in from now on. Even when he was the first one to arrive home, it had never felt this quiet and it reminded him of when he’d first moved in to the apartment.
Walking over to the couch, he dropped down into it and stared off into space. His heart felt heavy in his chest as he realized that, yet again, he had been left behind. He had buried his childhood pain of his mother having continually left him behind for the sake of her work which he now knew had been a cover for her to escape his father but, for some reason, what he was feeling in this exact moment felt a million times worse than that.
The glint of gold on his finger caught his gaze and bringing both hands in front of him, he stared at his wedding band before the sting of tears became too much and he buried his face into his palms as he willed himself not to cry.
“Nathan?”
His breath caught in his throat at hearing her voice, wondering if his mind had conjured it up in desperation. Slowly dropping his hands from his face, he turned his head and saw Haley standing against the wall across from where he was seated. He could tell how nervous… how scared she was by the way she was pulling and twisting at the hem of the navy blue sweatshirt of his she was wearing.
“What are you doing here?” he asked quietly, still unsure as to whether she was actually standing there or was just a figment of his imagination.
“Waiting for you,” she replied, her voice just as quiet as his.
“Why? I thought we’d said all we had to.”
Nathan watched as she moved from where she was standing and slowly came towards him. As relieved as he was to see her, this wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want her staying because of some stupid ultimatum he’d blurted out in anger. If that was why she was still here, he knew it would only be a matter of time before she would hate him for forcing her into staying and not pursuing her dreams.
“How can you say that, Nathan? You can’t just drop something like that on me and then-”
“And how can you just drop that on me and expect me to be okay with the fact that you’re leaving tonight and won’t be back until who knows when?” he interrupted, his words stopping her in her tracks. Pushing himself up off the couch, he stood in front of her but didn’t close the distance between them. “You say you’ll be back in time for finals but how do you know that for sure? How do you know that you’ll want to bother coming back here to finish school when you make it big?”
“W-when?” Haley’s voice cracked as she repeated the word she had just heard him say.
“Yeah, when.” He released a quiet sigh. It didn’t take a genius to see how talented she was and he knew it was always going to be a case of when and not if she made it big in the music industry. “I was wrong to give you that ultimatum, I know that. It wasn’t fair for me to do that to you but you just sprung it on me and…”
“I know, but it was sprung on me, too. I wasn’t expecting any of this to happen tonight either.”
Needing to do something with his hands, Nathan walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, deciding to get one for Haley as well. After handing it to her, he opened his bottle and took a long drink of it, savoring the cold liquid as it slid down his dry throat.
“I think you missed your bus,” he told her a minute later and he raised his eyes to meet her gaze, noticing her confusion.
“What?”
“Before I came back here, I, uh, went to the bus station… I wanted to try and catch you before you left but a bus was just pulling out. I figured you were on it.”
“I wasn’t,” she told him with a wry smile.
“I can see that but why… why weren’t you on the bus? Why are you still here?”
“Because I’m not going.”
“Haley, I-”
“Let me say this. Please, Nathan.”
He nodded his head as he shifted from foot to foot where he was standing. His fingers idly picked at the label on his water bottle as his eyes took her in. Her face was pale and her eyes were red-rimmed which he knew meant she had been crying. A strange feeling of satisfaction surged inside of him at that knowledge.
“I don’t know what I was thinking… I guess I was so stunned when Michelle offered me the opportunity that I didn’t even think about saying no. It wasn’t until you told me we were… done if I left that reality started to sink in.” Haley paused as she began walking towards him again. “I think a part of me deliberately didn’t ask you to come with me… Not because I didn’t want you to be there, but more because music is my thing… Just like basketball is yours.”
“So it had nothing to do with you wanting to spend more time alone with Chris, then?”
“No!” she exclaimed. “You were right about him having an ulterior motive, I know that now. And when you asked me before if I’d kissed him and I said yes, that wasn’t technically true.” Seeing the confused look on his face, she quickly explained. “He kissed me and I-”
“Oh, well, I guess that makes it okay then, huh.”
“That’s not what I meant. He suddenly kissed me and I pushed him away. The kiss lasted a couple of seconds, if that.”
“And you decided to keep it a secret.”
“I knew you already hated him but I wanted to keep on working with him, purely for my music. I knew that if I told you he’d kissed me, then that would’ve been it. You’d already told me to stop working with him and I’d refused to listen so your reaction to that little bit of news was easy to picture.”
“So, you’re saying I pushed you two together? Is that it, Haley?”
“Ugh! No! That’s not what I’m saying!” she said, her hands gesticulating wildly as she fought to make herself understood.
“Then what?”
“I’m just saying I didn’t want to make an already bad situation even worse, that’s all. I told Chris I was in no way interested in him, that I just wanted to work on my music with him and that was it.”
“And he was fine with that?”
“Yeah,” she replied, although her voice had lowered in volume.
“Yeah, I’ll bet. I can just imagine the crap he was spewing about me and our marriage.”
“It doesn’t matter what he said, the important thing is I told him I wasn’t interested in him for any other reason except my music. If he can’t understand that, then that’s his problem.”
“You’re going to carry on working with him?”
“I doubt it since he’s left for the tour.”
“But if he was still here…” His words trailed off, the rest of his question not needing to be vocalized.
“I-I don’t know,” Haley replied honestly.
“Right.”
The atmosphere in the apartment was so thick with tension you could cut it with a knife. While she focused her gaze on him, Nathan looked anywhere but at her. He knew he should feel relieved that she had chosen to stay with him but for some reason he didn’t. He knew deep down that it was only a matter of time before she would start to resent him for forcing her into staying because, regardless of what she had told him, his ultimatum had done just that.
“Nathan, I-”
“You should go,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. He could feel her eyes boring into him but, again, he forced himself not to look at her.
“What? I don’t understand.”
“It’s not too late for you to go, Haley. You can call him and tell him you’ve changed your mind and that you’ll be on the next bus.”
“No, I told you-”
“And I told you I was wrong to give you that ultimatum. You’re still here because of what I said before and I don’t want that.”
Haley didn’t think about what she was doing. She closed the gap between them and cupping his face between her palms, she made him look at her for a moment before she sealed her lips over his and kissed him.
Nathan felt his defenses shatter into what felt like a million pieces as he assumed this was her way of saying thank you and goodbye. Thank you for agreeing to let her go and goodbye… Well, that was pretty self-explanatory.
“Do you really think I’m only here because of what you said before?” Haley asked after she had broken the kiss, her fingers lightly caressing his face as she leaned her forehead against his.
He shrugged his shoulders in response since he wasn’t sure how his voice would sound if he attempted to speak right now.
“Because I’m not, Nathan. I’m here because I want to be here… I want to be wherever you are.”
Nathan’s hands were by his side but his fingertips were burning with the need to touch her… to make sure this was really happening. He desperately wanted to believe what she was saying but he was scared to. While he had been the one to walk out of the door tonight, it had actually felt like she had been the one to leave him and he was terrified that she was suddenly going to change her mind. He knew he should tell her to go… make her go if need be but the truth was he didn’t want her to go. He’d told himself he didn’t need anyone after his mother hadn’t come back that summer even after he’d begged her to but he had been wrong. He needed Haley and just the thought of her leaving him behind scared the crap out of him.
Wrapping her arms around him even more tightly, she pushed herself up onto her tiptoes and buried her face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in. “Please hold me,” she whispered against his skin.
Hesitating for a few more seconds, he finally did as Haley requested and what he himself wanted to do and wound his arms around her, pulling her in as close as he could.
They stood that way for long moments, neither of them wanting to break the silence.
Drawing back from her, Nathan tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly.
“I'm sorry, too.”
“Guess that makes us even, huh?” He felt a little surprised at the teasing tone his voice held given the knotted sensation in his stomach. While his apology was genuine and he had no doubts Haley's was as well, he still felt off-kilter... like things weren't completely resolved.
“Nathan?”
“Huh?”
“I just asked if you're okay.”
Nodding, he gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile as he laced their fingers together and gave hers a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, I am now.”
Fin
Entry: 01
Author: Diane (bluelilyrose)
Fandom: One Tree Hill
Pairing: Nathan/Haley
Rating: Teen Rated
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own a thing!
Spoilers/Warnings: This is an alternative version of episode 2.13 'The Hero Dies In This One'.
Word Count: 2,512
Summary: God, so much had happened between them in such a short period of time and as angry and hurt as he felt, he didn’t want to lose her. He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. He had to at least try to talk to her instead of just dishing out ultimatums like he had done earlier.
Author's Notes: This has been written for octoberwriting.
The anger swirled around and around inside of him as he stormed out of the apartment, not having any clue as to where he was headed for. He couldn’t believe what she had told him only a few minutes ago and his emotions were in such a jumble that he didn’t know whether he was more hurt than angry.
Deep down inside he knew this was a fantastic opportunity for Haley but he just didn’t understand why she didn’t want him to be a part of it. After all, hadn’t he been the one to encourage her pursuit of music when he had bought her the keyboard? The fact that she was willing to just pack up and leave him behind for weeks on end… that was what he couldn't understand.
His hands, which were shoved into his pockets, curled into fists as an image of Chris fucking Keller popped into his head and he felt the bile rise up into his throat at the knowledge that he’d kissed his wife. He’d guessed all along that bastard had had more than music on his mind where Haley was concerned and tonight she’d confirmed it for him. The thought of her leaving him behind for that… that Elvis wannabe made him want to throw up.
Taking several deep breaths, he fought to tamp down the nausea he felt and the cool night air seemed to help with that. Taking in his surroundings, he realized just where he had ended up, swallowing past the lump in his throat when he saw the bench where they had sat down at that very first day of tutoring. The flashback he suddenly experienced overwhelmed him and he remembered with crystal clear clarity slipping the colorful plastic Cracker Jack bracelet onto her wrist.
“Don’t say I never gave you anything.”
God, so much had happened between them in such a short period of time and as angry and hurt as he felt, he didn’t want to lose her. He couldn’t lose her. Not like this. He had to at least try to talk to her instead of just dishing out ultimatums like he had done earlier.
With one last look at his and Haley’s bench, he turned and ran.
* * * * *
Nathan let himself back into the apartment, his shoulders slumped dejectedly. From the docks, he had run as fast as he could to the bus station in the hopes of catching her there but he had been too late. The bus was just pulling away and despite calling her name at the top of his voice, it had carried on to its destination; his hopes of it stopping and her descending from it never coming to pass.
After that, he had wandered aimlessly through the town, not wanting to return to the empty apartment which he knew wouldn’t feel like home without her there with him. Eventually, he started to make his way back, his feet dragging with every step. He just hoped Taylor wasn’t around because he could do without her smartass comments tonight.
One of the first things he noticed when he entered was how quiet it was and he hated that this was how it was going to feel every time he walked in from now on. Even when he was the first one to arrive home, it had never felt this quiet and it reminded him of when he’d first moved in to the apartment.
Walking over to the couch, he dropped down into it and stared off into space. His heart felt heavy in his chest as he realized that, yet again, he had been left behind. He had buried his childhood pain of his mother having continually left him behind for the sake of her work which he now knew had been a cover for her to escape his father but, for some reason, what he was feeling in this exact moment felt a million times worse than that.
The glint of gold on his finger caught his gaze and bringing both hands in front of him, he stared at his wedding band before the sting of tears became too much and he buried his face into his palms as he willed himself not to cry.
“Nathan?”
His breath caught in his throat at hearing her voice, wondering if his mind had conjured it up in desperation. Slowly dropping his hands from his face, he turned his head and saw Haley standing against the wall across from where he was seated. He could tell how nervous… how scared she was by the way she was pulling and twisting at the hem of the navy blue sweatshirt of his she was wearing.
“What are you doing here?” he asked quietly, still unsure as to whether she was actually standing there or was just a figment of his imagination.
“Waiting for you,” she replied, her voice just as quiet as his.
“Why? I thought we’d said all we had to.”
Nathan watched as she moved from where she was standing and slowly came towards him. As relieved as he was to see her, this wasn’t what he wanted. He didn’t want her staying because of some stupid ultimatum he’d blurted out in anger. If that was why she was still here, he knew it would only be a matter of time before she would hate him for forcing her into staying and not pursuing her dreams.
“How can you say that, Nathan? You can’t just drop something like that on me and then-”
“And how can you just drop that on me and expect me to be okay with the fact that you’re leaving tonight and won’t be back until who knows when?” he interrupted, his words stopping her in her tracks. Pushing himself up off the couch, he stood in front of her but didn’t close the distance between them. “You say you’ll be back in time for finals but how do you know that for sure? How do you know that you’ll want to bother coming back here to finish school when you make it big?”
“W-when?” Haley’s voice cracked as she repeated the word she had just heard him say.
“Yeah, when.” He released a quiet sigh. It didn’t take a genius to see how talented she was and he knew it was always going to be a case of when and not if she made it big in the music industry. “I was wrong to give you that ultimatum, I know that. It wasn’t fair for me to do that to you but you just sprung it on me and…”
“I know, but it was sprung on me, too. I wasn’t expecting any of this to happen tonight either.”
Needing to do something with his hands, Nathan walked into the kitchen and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, deciding to get one for Haley as well. After handing it to her, he opened his bottle and took a long drink of it, savoring the cold liquid as it slid down his dry throat.
“I think you missed your bus,” he told her a minute later and he raised his eyes to meet her gaze, noticing her confusion.
“What?”
“Before I came back here, I, uh, went to the bus station… I wanted to try and catch you before you left but a bus was just pulling out. I figured you were on it.”
“I wasn’t,” she told him with a wry smile.
“I can see that but why… why weren’t you on the bus? Why are you still here?”
“Because I’m not going.”
“Haley, I-”
“Let me say this. Please, Nathan.”
He nodded his head as he shifted from foot to foot where he was standing. His fingers idly picked at the label on his water bottle as his eyes took her in. Her face was pale and her eyes were red-rimmed which he knew meant she had been crying. A strange feeling of satisfaction surged inside of him at that knowledge.
“I don’t know what I was thinking… I guess I was so stunned when Michelle offered me the opportunity that I didn’t even think about saying no. It wasn’t until you told me we were… done if I left that reality started to sink in.” Haley paused as she began walking towards him again. “I think a part of me deliberately didn’t ask you to come with me… Not because I didn’t want you to be there, but more because music is my thing… Just like basketball is yours.”
“So it had nothing to do with you wanting to spend more time alone with Chris, then?”
“No!” she exclaimed. “You were right about him having an ulterior motive, I know that now. And when you asked me before if I’d kissed him and I said yes, that wasn’t technically true.” Seeing the confused look on his face, she quickly explained. “He kissed me and I-”
“Oh, well, I guess that makes it okay then, huh.”
“That’s not what I meant. He suddenly kissed me and I pushed him away. The kiss lasted a couple of seconds, if that.”
“And you decided to keep it a secret.”
“I knew you already hated him but I wanted to keep on working with him, purely for my music. I knew that if I told you he’d kissed me, then that would’ve been it. You’d already told me to stop working with him and I’d refused to listen so your reaction to that little bit of news was easy to picture.”
“So, you’re saying I pushed you two together? Is that it, Haley?”
“Ugh! No! That’s not what I’m saying!” she said, her hands gesticulating wildly as she fought to make herself understood.
“Then what?”
“I’m just saying I didn’t want to make an already bad situation even worse, that’s all. I told Chris I was in no way interested in him, that I just wanted to work on my music with him and that was it.”
“And he was fine with that?”
“Yeah,” she replied, although her voice had lowered in volume.
“Yeah, I’ll bet. I can just imagine the crap he was spewing about me and our marriage.”
“It doesn’t matter what he said, the important thing is I told him I wasn’t interested in him for any other reason except my music. If he can’t understand that, then that’s his problem.”
“You’re going to carry on working with him?”
“I doubt it since he’s left for the tour.”
“But if he was still here…” His words trailed off, the rest of his question not needing to be vocalized.
“I-I don’t know,” Haley replied honestly.
“Right.”
The atmosphere in the apartment was so thick with tension you could cut it with a knife. While she focused her gaze on him, Nathan looked anywhere but at her. He knew he should feel relieved that she had chosen to stay with him but for some reason he didn’t. He knew deep down that it was only a matter of time before she would start to resent him for forcing her into staying because, regardless of what she had told him, his ultimatum had done just that.
“Nathan, I-”
“You should go,” he blurted out before he could stop himself. He could feel her eyes boring into him but, again, he forced himself not to look at her.
“What? I don’t understand.”
“It’s not too late for you to go, Haley. You can call him and tell him you’ve changed your mind and that you’ll be on the next bus.”
“No, I told you-”
“And I told you I was wrong to give you that ultimatum. You’re still here because of what I said before and I don’t want that.”
Haley didn’t think about what she was doing. She closed the gap between them and cupping his face between her palms, she made him look at her for a moment before she sealed her lips over his and kissed him.
Nathan felt his defenses shatter into what felt like a million pieces as he assumed this was her way of saying thank you and goodbye. Thank you for agreeing to let her go and goodbye… Well, that was pretty self-explanatory.
“Do you really think I’m only here because of what you said before?” Haley asked after she had broken the kiss, her fingers lightly caressing his face as she leaned her forehead against his.
He shrugged his shoulders in response since he wasn’t sure how his voice would sound if he attempted to speak right now.
“Because I’m not, Nathan. I’m here because I want to be here… I want to be wherever you are.”
Nathan’s hands were by his side but his fingertips were burning with the need to touch her… to make sure this was really happening. He desperately wanted to believe what she was saying but he was scared to. While he had been the one to walk out of the door tonight, it had actually felt like she had been the one to leave him and he was terrified that she was suddenly going to change her mind. He knew he should tell her to go… make her go if need be but the truth was he didn’t want her to go. He’d told himself he didn’t need anyone after his mother hadn’t come back that summer even after he’d begged her to but he had been wrong. He needed Haley and just the thought of her leaving him behind scared the crap out of him.
Wrapping her arms around him even more tightly, she pushed herself up onto her tiptoes and buried her face into the crook of his neck, breathing him in. “Please hold me,” she whispered against his skin.
Hesitating for a few more seconds, he finally did as Haley requested and what he himself wanted to do and wound his arms around her, pulling her in as close as he could.
They stood that way for long moments, neither of them wanting to break the silence.
Drawing back from her, Nathan tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. “I'm sorry,” he said quietly.
“I'm sorry, too.”
“Guess that makes us even, huh?” He felt a little surprised at the teasing tone his voice held given the knotted sensation in his stomach. While his apology was genuine and he had no doubts Haley's was as well, he still felt off-kilter... like things weren't completely resolved.
“Nathan?”
“Huh?”
“I just asked if you're okay.”
Nodding, he gave her what he hoped was a reassuring smile as he laced their fingers together and gave hers a gentle squeeze. “Yeah, I am now.”
Fin