my heart that i have had...
I've been thinking. I'm really weird. People make me nervous, and I don't necessarily like being touched, but I'm the type of person who needs touch. The hugging, hand-holding, cuddling kind of things, and the patting people on the head thing, and, I don't know, it's just strange to recognize in myself. It's weird. I'm weird.
Anyway.
It's been over a month with the boy so far. Haven't done anything too terribly stupid yet. At least, he hasn't told me to shove off and be weird elsewhere yet. Still afraid that I'm going to somehow screw this up, or that he's going to realize that I'm not that great and not worth the trouble. But...I don't know, I just really cannot explain how much I like him, which is strange for me, at least as far as writing goes. I'm usually good at explanations via the written word. I just like him so much, though, and I desperately do not want to mess this up. Sigh...
Okay, stop being like that. This entry is getting depressing. And it makes no sense for it to be, because things have been going well with this relationship, and I've been so happy. He makes me so happy. I'm just so uncertain of myself, is the thing, because I don't want to somehow mess this up. Freaking sigh.
School's been decent, I suppose. Still doing fairly well, but not as well as I usually do--I haven't been as dedicated to the academics as I always have been in the past. I guess this year's been busy in other respects, what with anime club and friends and the boy. The boy is very distracting. Everything is very distracting. My focus isn't quite what it used to be, and I probably need to rectify that.
It's roughly five in the morning. I need to get to sleep.
October has gone by again, which is sad, because I love October. I can feel the start of the holidays drifting in on the wind, though, with the late-autumn ice-tint and the inconstant chill. Holiday coffees are in at Starbucks, too, which always sort of messes with the seasonal spirit. I can wait for snow, though; I know that once it gets here and the magic wears off, it's going to be months before we're free of it again.
I feel very uncertain about so many things. Life is a state of constant change and decision. Disconcerting, really.
Should really go to sleep. Schedule's getting reversed again. I am nocturnal. Early morning makes you feel like there's no one else awake in the world. Untrue, of course, but still. It's an interesting feeling.
So scattered, this entry... I should go to bed. How soon is too soon?
I meant to do more writing than I did. I meant to read that story, too. And I have that art project to work on; things to add, plus the hieroglyphs to work out for that patch from Coming Forth by Day. And that other project. Tomorrow, I shall have to neglect more schoolwork so that I might work on other things.
But first, I must sleep.
Goodnight, lj.
Anyway.
It's been over a month with the boy so far. Haven't done anything too terribly stupid yet. At least, he hasn't told me to shove off and be weird elsewhere yet. Still afraid that I'm going to somehow screw this up, or that he's going to realize that I'm not that great and not worth the trouble. But...I don't know, I just really cannot explain how much I like him, which is strange for me, at least as far as writing goes. I'm usually good at explanations via the written word. I just like him so much, though, and I desperately do not want to mess this up. Sigh...
Okay, stop being like that. This entry is getting depressing. And it makes no sense for it to be, because things have been going well with this relationship, and I've been so happy. He makes me so happy. I'm just so uncertain of myself, is the thing, because I don't want to somehow mess this up. Freaking sigh.
School's been decent, I suppose. Still doing fairly well, but not as well as I usually do--I haven't been as dedicated to the academics as I always have been in the past. I guess this year's been busy in other respects, what with anime club and friends and the boy. The boy is very distracting. Everything is very distracting. My focus isn't quite what it used to be, and I probably need to rectify that.
It's roughly five in the morning. I need to get to sleep.
October has gone by again, which is sad, because I love October. I can feel the start of the holidays drifting in on the wind, though, with the late-autumn ice-tint and the inconstant chill. Holiday coffees are in at Starbucks, too, which always sort of messes with the seasonal spirit. I can wait for snow, though; I know that once it gets here and the magic wears off, it's going to be months before we're free of it again.
I feel very uncertain about so many things. Life is a state of constant change and decision. Disconcerting, really.
Should really go to sleep. Schedule's getting reversed again. I am nocturnal. Early morning makes you feel like there's no one else awake in the world. Untrue, of course, but still. It's an interesting feeling.
So scattered, this entry... I should go to bed. How soon is too soon?
I meant to do more writing than I did. I meant to read that story, too. And I have that art project to work on; things to add, plus the hieroglyphs to work out for that patch from Coming Forth by Day. And that other project. Tomorrow, I shall have to neglect more schoolwork so that I might work on other things.
But first, I must sleep.
Goodnight, lj.