Monday, January 21st 2008
First post of the new year. First real post since fucking MAY of last year.
I never really have much to say anymore. Life is pretty boring since there's not a whole lot to look forward to. Tax returns are coming up soon though and if it's anything like last year I'll be a few grand richer (for a brief time, at least). Part of me wants to just use that money to leave here, forever, and never look back. A large part of me in fact. I know it wouldn't be the right thing to do. My mom and sister both feel part of that money is theirs since I'm technically claiming both of them on my taxes again (I'm head of household, supporting both of them). That gets me a pretty big chunk of earned income. So they're already planning on what they want to do with it. Sis wants a camera, mom wants a new computer and a monitor.
I probably couldn't start a new life with a measly $3,000 anyway. Just having to buy my own car, insurance, eye exam and glasses (hopefully glasses can fix the blindness I'm getting in one eye) would cost me plenty and that's before finding a place to live and another job.
So then the other part of me, the part that just says "fuck it, you're not gonna make it in life alone anyway" wins over and I think about what worthless piece of consumer crap can I buy to get me some shortlived happiness. A few Wii games here (Brawl), a few animes there (the rest of Fullmetal Alchemist) might make me forget about how worthless I am for a time.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel lost. I'm 26 and have no direction at all in life. No purpose.
What the hell am I living for?
I never really have much to say anymore. Life is pretty boring since there's not a whole lot to look forward to. Tax returns are coming up soon though and if it's anything like last year I'll be a few grand richer (for a brief time, at least). Part of me wants to just use that money to leave here, forever, and never look back. A large part of me in fact. I know it wouldn't be the right thing to do. My mom and sister both feel part of that money is theirs since I'm technically claiming both of them on my taxes again (I'm head of household, supporting both of them). That gets me a pretty big chunk of earned income. So they're already planning on what they want to do with it. Sis wants a camera, mom wants a new computer and a monitor.
I probably couldn't start a new life with a measly $3,000 anyway. Just having to buy my own car, insurance, eye exam and glasses (hopefully glasses can fix the blindness I'm getting in one eye) would cost me plenty and that's before finding a place to live and another job.
So then the other part of me, the part that just says "fuck it, you're not gonna make it in life alone anyway" wins over and I think about what worthless piece of consumer crap can I buy to get me some shortlived happiness. A few Wii games here (Brawl), a few animes there (the rest of Fullmetal Alchemist) might make me forget about how worthless I am for a time.
I don't know what to do anymore. I just feel lost. I'm 26 and have no direction at all in life. No purpose.
What the hell am I living for?