Death
My bird died last night. I held it in my hands as it died, and I am so ripped apart by this, that I don't really see a light at the end of the tunnel.
It's just a bird, right? Go to the pet store and buy another one.
So this bird, Curry, was my ex-girlfriend Christie's bird. When she left, she left me with the bird. So I of course have feelings coming up that if she had taken the bird with her, that he'd still be alive.
On top of that, I have an entirely different issue regarding birds and death from when I was about 5 years old.
And there's the metaphor about my just getting my wings, and then I have a death of the thing that symbolizes flight and love in my life.
I'm not quite sure how I go from here. I hurt. I hurt a lot. Not just because of the bird, but because of a lot of stuff in my life. I've unpacked my emotional "closet" to clean it out, and to make sure that I took care of a lot of old stuff, but when I did it meant that I had to deal with a lot of old stuff and issues that came up in my life when I went and looked through my history. It's been rough, and I'm still not exactly sure how I'm going to be able to fit all that emotional baggage back into that closet.
I am numb, not nearly as drunk as last night, and not nearly as intoxicated as I want to be. Right now, I severely want to be drunk. I want to be shut off and disconnected from everything. I'm ready to run away and just leave it all behind and start life all over.
Sad...
Kyle
It's just a bird, right? Go to the pet store and buy another one.
So this bird, Curry, was my ex-girlfriend Christie's bird. When she left, she left me with the bird. So I of course have feelings coming up that if she had taken the bird with her, that he'd still be alive.
On top of that, I have an entirely different issue regarding birds and death from when I was about 5 years old.
And there's the metaphor about my just getting my wings, and then I have a death of the thing that symbolizes flight and love in my life.
I'm not quite sure how I go from here. I hurt. I hurt a lot. Not just because of the bird, but because of a lot of stuff in my life. I've unpacked my emotional "closet" to clean it out, and to make sure that I took care of a lot of old stuff, but when I did it meant that I had to deal with a lot of old stuff and issues that came up in my life when I went and looked through my history. It's been rough, and I'm still not exactly sure how I'm going to be able to fit all that emotional baggage back into that closet.
I am numb, not nearly as drunk as last night, and not nearly as intoxicated as I want to be. Right now, I severely want to be drunk. I want to be shut off and disconnected from everything. I'm ready to run away and just leave it all behind and start life all over.
Sad...
Kyle